How important is emotional intelligence in relationships

Emotional intelligence: that's how important it is in the job

What the intelligence quotient (IQ) is and what it stands for is probably known to most of us. But do you also know what emotional intelligence is all about? On the one hand, some companies still place more value on the IQ, but on the other hand, the EQ is much more important to be successful. In addition, a high EQ also has a positive effect on the working atmosphere. Even if there is only a certain amount of emotional intelligence, it can still be increased. It pays to work on it, because more and more companies require emotional intelligence.

What does emotional intelligence mean?

Those who are emotionally intelligent are able to correctly assess their own feelings as well as those of others. Even more: An emotionally intelligent person can also adequately assess relationships and act accordingly. In the world of work, such skills are also called “soft skills”. The term dates back to 1990, when the two American psychologists Peter Salovey and John D. Mayer established it. In 1995 a basic work by Daniel Goleman followed: Emotional intelligence. He sees emotional intelligence as an essential basis for professional success and successful leadership. Above all, it describes the emotional skills in the following areas:

  • empathy
  • Self-confidence
  • Communication skills
  • Tact
  • Ability to work in a team

They are all skills that are also important in the professional world and not only contribute to a better working atmosphere. According to Goleman, emotionally intelligent people have the following skills; you:

Know their own emotions

Those who can recognize and accept their own feelings as they arise will understand themselves and their behavior better. As a result, such people do not feel like victims of the circumstances and can actively intervene in their behavior. Those who cannot do this often find themselves saying, "Why does this always happen to me?"

Can influence this

Emotionally intelligent people can control their emotions in such a way that they show themselves to be appropriate in the situation. You can calm yourself down when, for example, you feel anxious. However, they can also reinforce their positive feelings. In this way, challenging situations can be overcome. In tricky situations, they often resort to the sentence: “My fuse has blown.” They blame the situation and not their lack of self-control.

Can turn these feelings into action

This means that they can control their emotions in such a way as to achieve their goals. This is an important part of self motivation. This also means that short-term temptations can be resisted and impulses suppressed. Only those who are able to do so can be successful in the long term. People who cannot do this are more likely to resist temptation, but often wonder why they keep failing.

Build relationships successfully

In order for relationships to be successful, the feelings of others must be dealt with appropriately. This is also important in a professional context and a prerequisite for: Appreciation, popularity and integration into a community. Sometimes people who cannot do this find themselves always blaming the other for the failure of (business) relationships.

If you do not yet know whether you are emotionally intelligent, and if so, to what extent, you can find out by taking a test.

Are emphatic

If someone knows how others feel, they can see what they want or need earlier from the behavior of others. Whether empathy has a positive or negative effect has to do with how the emphatic person uses it. Either for benevolence or to manipulate one's counterpart. Non-emphatic people often wonder when consequences follow because they haven't seen it coming for months.

Study results on the subject of emotional intelligence

A study by the Capgemini Institute comes to the following conclusion: 74 percent of employers and 58 percent of employees without management responsibility are of the opinion that the EQ will be enormously important for future success. The study assumes that the demand for emotional intelligence will increase sixfold in the next five years.

There are further results regarding emotional intelligence from a German-American study. It was shown that career-oriented employees in particular benefit from a high EQ: with professional success. It also helps, for example, to read “between the lines” and to feel what, for example, the superior really values. It also helps with professional decisions. Because those who are emotionally intelligent can assess the scope of their choice in the long term.

A study by the German occupational psychologist Gerhard Blickle made the following clear: a test person who was able to adequately read emotions from voice samples and faces was also rated by his superiors and colleagues as more socially competent. This in turn has positive effects on income levels.

Benefits of Emotional Intelligence

Emotionally intelligent people enjoy many advantages in their job. Regardless of whether they are in a management position or not.

  • Since they are not guided by their emotions, they are more pleasant colleagues. Because: who likes choleric, emotional people, with whom you never know what will happen next?
  • Emotionally intelligent superiors know what their employees can and need. Thus, they do not over- or under-demand them with tasks. They also place their trust in them and hand over responsibility.
  • A high EQ makes the working environment more pleasant. Because instead of mistrust, egoism and cold feeling, there is trust, understanding and empathy.
  • Emotionally intelligent people notice in advance when a conflict is looming. When this actually ignites, they are more constructive, deal better with criticism and have a better grip on their feelings.

For recruiters, the following applies: Whether someone has a high EQ can be found out in a targeted manner.

Disadvantages of Emotional Intelligence

Even if a high EQ results in many positive aspects, it also has its downsides. Especially when people use their emotional intelligence to manipulate and control others. This is more common than you might think. However, if you question the friendliness of your counterpart, you can quickly find out about a manipulator. Psychopaths or narcissists are also often equipped with a high EQ. These people also all show signs of emotional intelligence. The only difference is that they have bad or selfish intentions.

Can emotional intelligence be increased?

Even if science assumes that EQ develops in the first five years of life, there seems to be hope. Although a person with a barely existing EQ will no longer become empathy in person, there are still possibilities.

  • Work on your self-awareness:

Always analyze when feelings arise in you. For example, what makes you angry? When do emotions just break out? Each of us has certain patterns or issues to which we react more emotionally. When you are aware of what yours are, you become master of your emotions. In other words: You control it and not the other way around.

Those who do sport regularly reduce emotions and stress. In addition, it rearranges the thoughts and helps in the perception of the body and mind.

  • Learn to relax

By relaxing regularly, you create distance from your emotions. You can see and judge them from a distance. This also makes it easier for you to react to situations in a relaxed and not exaggerated manner. Which in turn speaks for emotional intelligence.

  • Answers don't have to be given right away

Before reacting too quickly, try simply answering later. Depending on the topic, this can be hours, days or weeks. This creates awareness of your reactions and creates a more peaceful work environment.

  • Take an acting class

What might sound strange at first is actually not that strange at all. People with low EQ find it difficult to empathize with others. But acting is about putting yourself in the shoes of a different character. This is how you learn to put yourself in the perspective of the other: In his thoughts, feelings, desires and goals. Even if emotional intelligence can be used for selfish goals, the benefits clearly outweigh the disadvantages. Hardly anyone will complain when colleagues are emphatic, emotionally mature, understanding and sociable.

Nicole Inez Fuchs is a freelance social media manager and copywriter. She has had her own blog on "Psychology and Satire" since 2014 and has been writing for since 2019.