Who should I choose dad or mom
Similarities Between Parent and Child
Many people try to find out who a child looks like, point out similarities with mom or dad in terms of appearance, but also in terms of character traits. Particularly often in the case of newborns, reference is made to the resemblance to the father. Do they really exist?
As soon as the babies are born, the search for similarities to mom or dad begins. The new grandparents are delighted to discover that the grandson has inherited the small ears from his mother or the hair color from his father. The mothers particularly often discover similarities to their dad in their babies. Why is that? And is it really true that babies often look like their fathers? How do similarities affect the relationship between children and parents?
Similarities reinforce care
In the mid-1990s, a study by the University of California at San Diego, in which independent observers looked at the father, mother, and baby, found that one-year-olds look more like their father than their mother. This is also meaningful from an evolutionary point of view, because the similarities have a - mostly unconscious - meaning for the decision of the fathers whether and how much they invest in their children. Conversely, doubts about fatherhood have a negative effect on their willingness to give attention and care, especially in small boys.
An unconscious process
A research project at the University of Liverpool also showed that similarities play an important role and that this process takes place unconsciously. As part of this project, men were asked to use baby photos to choose which children they would be more likely to adopt, which they would like better and which they would be more willing to pay alimony to.
Little did the participants know that some of the photos were images of adults that had been merged with images of children using a computer. The resulting pictures of children had similarities with the respective adults. And it is precisely these children that the interviewed men selected for potential adoption.
Mothers reinforce the feeling
Also and especially the large majority of mothers point out the similarities with their father shortly after the birth. In a 2007 study, all mothers without exception stated that their baby was similar to the father. They seem to make an effort - often unconsciously - to encourage the partner to believe that the child is theirs in order to avoid suspicion of their fatherhood. These doubts from fathers are not entirely unfounded, because almost every tenth child is a so-called "cuckoo child" that does not come from the supposed father.
Babies want to go undetected
This belief in supposed similarities between father and offspring is now considered outdated and is more likely based on wishful thinking. On the contrary, according to many new studies, babies are interested in "going undetected". The child's scheme - round eyes, snub nose and receding chin - works like a "strategy to veil one's origin".
They are not interested in similarities because this ensures them the greatest amount of effort and willingness to be cared for from as many adults as possible. And if they remain undetected, the supposed father also invests in his non-biological child. It is true, however, that as they grow up, sons increasingly resemble their fathers, while daughters resemble their mother. This phenomenon can be explained by the sex hormones.
Who inherits what?
Some characteristics are often wrongly attributed to the father, although he is not responsible for them. Scientists have found that it is not one's own father who is responsible for hair loss, but rather the maternal grandfather. Overall, children inherit significantly more from their mothers than from their fathers.
This has to do with differences on the 23rd pair of chromosomes: women have a double X chromosome with 1,100 genes, but only 80 on the Y chromosome in men. Green blindness, but this visual impairment is inherited through the mothers.
Some illnesses such as Duchenne's muscular dystrophy, hemophilia or mental handicap can only be inherited from one's mother. But some characteristics are also passed on through the father: For example, a father inherits his son the tendency to father sons or daughters. If a man has many sisters, he is also more likely to have daughters himself. If his siblings are all male, he is more likely to have sons.
Do similarities facilitate togetherness?
Most parents with multiple children are determined to love everyone equally. Nevertheless, they often feel closer to a child because they recognize their behavior and can deal with them more easily. Some mothers feel particularly close to the extroverted chatterbox who goes through life carefree, as she herself did not know any shyness as a child.
Papa recognizes himself in the little bookworm to whom he can pass on his "youth books" and talk shop about comics. Often parents are less worried and have less doubts about the right way to deal with them. This creates closeness and brings ease into the mother / father / child relationship. Similarities that affect the sibling position sometimes make togetherness easier, because, for example, you can empathize with the baby when you are the youngest child among your own siblings.
But similarities can also have the opposite effect when parents rediscover their own mistakes in their children, which they would rather suppress or forget. Parents not only pass on our chocolate sides and often react particularly allergic when they recognize their lack of concentration, their shyness or clumsiness in their child. A father who has never learned to keep order stands shaking his head in his son's room and is annoyed by the chaos. A mother reluctantly recognizes herself in the stubborn manner of her daughter, who sits pouting in the corner on every small occasion.
This is how parents react correctly
If parents notice character traits in their son or daughter that they reject in themselves, it is particularly important that they emphasize and develop the strengths of their son or daughter. And maybe it is also an opportunity to work on your own, unloved weaknesses. The role model of the parents also plays an important role in the character traits or behavior of children, as they often imitate the behavior of their parents.
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