Why do I get disappointed very easily

Counselor - Should I swallow the disappointment or make it known?

Should I swallow the disappointment or make it known?

Some time ago I asked a colleague if she would take me on a trip. Only after a long period of time did I get the negative answer. How do I behave best now?

A person did not behave as we would have liked. We are disappointed. Disappointment is the feeling that arises when our needs and expectations are not met. The greater the expectation, the more important the event, the greater the disappointment can be. We then feel anger and even anger, we feel misunderstood, rejected, and helpless. We are dissatisfied with the situation, with ourselves, we may quarrel with fate and brood over what has happened.

Expecting is human

Having expectations is human. We all have ideas about how things should develop and how people should behave. If these expectations come true, we are happy, trust our subjective world and go forward cheerfully. But if the expectations are not met, the world will end for a moment. But since we have no control over others, disappointment is inevitable and part of life.

You expected a timely answer to your request from your colleague. You are disappointed because it did not arrive. Your thinking and behavior will be called into question and will give you an indication that you were mistaken about your colleague or yourself. In this sense, every disappointment is the end of a delusion.

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Many factors can lead to disappointment. But one thing is certain: your colleague has most likely not intentionally tried to hurt you. Certainly there are reasons that justify their behavior, but which were not yet ready for decision at the moment of the rejection.

Addressing a disappointment is not easy. If we are injured, it is more natural for us to strike back and blame us in order to hurt the other person as well. However, this does not lead to a clarification, but rather to an escalation - and ultimately to the break of the relationship.

An equally wrong reaction would be to turn away from your colleague and avoid contact. This also leads to a dead end.

Hence, it is wise to go on the offensive and address your disappointment in a constructive way by staying with yourself. First, relate to the specific situation and, second, describe the feelings you had and why.

"I would have wished ..."

Something like this: “Dear colleague, I would like to talk about the cultural trip again. I asked you in March because I can very well imagine traveling with you and I enjoy exchanging ideas with you. The fact that your answer dragged on for so long - you rejected me in May - was very disappointing because I felt ignored and not taken seriously and I was denied the chance of an alternative. To be honest, I would have liked feedback earlier. " These words will make your colleague feel less attacked and judged and, once she understands that she has hurt your feelings, she will be more open to listening to your point of view. Then listen carefully to your colleague's perspective. The whole purpose is to heal and overcome the situation together.

* Irène Wüest Häfliger sociologist and social psychologist communications consultant www.stilprofil.ch