What was your worst neighbor experience

My wife is having an affair with the neighbor

Hi, I think it must have been 2 years since I was thinking of writing about my experiences with affairs, trust, forgiveness and everything that goes with it. I expect nothing. No approval or rejection. Pity or resentment. I just want to share it, protected by the anonymity of the Internet. Everyone is free to judge and comment. Anyone who wants to do what he thinks. Perhaps someone can draw one or two conclusions for his life and for his actions. Whether positive or negative, everyone has to decide for themselves.

It has been almost 4 years since my wife's affair and it lasted just 3 weeks. But what she changed in me is probably one of the worst experiences I've ever had. To our people. I "M" am 39 years old, my wife is 38. We have 4 wonderful children. 3 of them are girls. Though I have to say the youngest boys and girls are twins. I'm just telling you about the time from just before the affair to now. To write down everything that my wife and I have already had through since we were young, would go beyond the scope here than it will already do. On August 12, 2013, my wife started an affair. Months before that we were both very dissatisfied in our relationship, too little money, only one wage and that at the lowest level, stress, the children Uwe. Everyone who has seen more than just sunshine in his life will know it and especially in a marriage. I tried to talk to her countless times, tried to pull together with her, looked for solutions, especially in myself. Why? Now. I am by nature, or character if you want to call it that, a dominant and self-confident person. I wear my heart on my tongue and I tell even my best friends straight to their faces when I think they're wrong. That doesn't mean that I don't accept any other opinion, but I don't give in just because society wants it that way. This is exactly what my friends appreciate about me, precisely because they always know where they stand. Well, and because it is sometimes difficult with me in this regard, I have also logically looked at myself. After all, there are two in a marriage. To my wife and to my children, I neither enforce my selfishness nor my stubbornness. My wife was my queen to me, in a way she is still today. Nobody could hold a candle to her. She was my number 1.

Therefore I tried in vain to respond to them, to understand. Tried to make her understand that I am also unhappy with the situation but I believe in us. She is my wife in good times and bad. About a week before she started AF, her behavior changed tremendously. She went out with the dog for a long time, and more often than usual. Which made me happy, after all, it wasn't just mine. Her cell phone was suddenly under total control. Everyone grabbed it from the children because they wanted to play a game on it, they were verbally attacked, which never happened before. Her cell phone was her constant companion even in the toilet, basement, or kitchen. One evening, she was already in bed, I wrote a colleague about a job in the company, and then looked through and at the same time that my wife was online. I thought she couldn't sleep, so come closer. When I got to the bedroom, the blow hit me. She snored demonstratively. Hmmm.

OK. Are you going to go back to the couch. There I went to my cell phone and looked to see if my colleague answered me. Because it felt so strange, I looked at my wife's on the pro and 2 seconds later she was back online. I wouldn't have thought too much about it, after all, someone probably wrote and the ringing woke her up. Unfortunately that lasted about 3 weeks. With everything I mentioned above. I spoke to her several times during this time about these things that struck me and asked her what was going on. I would be paranoid, there is nothing, I make it up. Ok I say and I just don't know what to do next and I am desperate.

One Sunday morning we sat in the kitchen in silence, drinking our coffee. I lost in my thoughts of getting my marriage under control again and my wife on her cell phone as always. Only a moment. I've never reached for my wife's cell phone or browsed before. So she didn't think it was necessary to set up a pin or anything like that. Only the children answered it before but after yelling at that one day that was done. That was her disaster that day. When she put it down very close to her, I grabbed it right away and took it. My wife jumped up and was stunned. I didn't leave it on and went into the living room where I closed the door behind me. Our children were with my parents that weekend and thank God they hadn't noticed. She called from outside, "please, please", "give me the cell phone". But I opened WA and what I then saw and read for an hour for the next hour should change me for my life. A complete process over 3 weeks, from the first message to where she was sitting at a table with me. With all the details. My wife is having an affair with my neighbors. Also married, 3 children and house, etc..
I can't tell you how I would. The ground disappeared from under my feet. The person I loved so much, entrusted everything, even my life and everything that should go beyond it if possible, betrays and cheats. The person I have been cluelessly fighting for all this time. I got angry, and so as not to let it escalate somehow, I grabbed the leash and dog and went for a walk in the woods.

During this time, as I later learned, my wife would have informed him or warned him about it. He's pretty pissed off because A: could put his wife in front of the door and B: I could break his bones.
His decision right after the shock. "I will deny everything. I'm not putting my marriage on the line because of you". As I said, what my wife said. I don't know if it actually played out that way. Besides, I had emailed the progress reports to me before I left. When I came back from the walk in the direction of the apartment, I saw his wife in front of their house by the car, as she took the purchases from the car. She saw me and smiled and waved and shouted hello. I briefly made a sign that she should wait a moment and went to her. After I told her that her husband and my wife were having an affair - I kept the emails to myself - she couldn't believe me at first and wanted to talk to her husband as soon as he got home. He was probably still at work. In retrospect I say that I regretted speaking to you because A: it didn't work and B: there are also children in the game and it's their problem. At home there were conversations, tears, anger and disappointment, everything you can imagine in such a situation. Except for below-the-belt abuse and physical abuse, it was all there. I don't think much of the above about my own wife, so I left it at that.

In the end my wife told me that she no longer loves me and that she wants the separation. But she doesn't dare say anything to the children, I should please do that. After a long quarreling back and forth, the moment came when I had to teach it to the children - in the presence of my wife. The moment when I had to tell my kids that mom and dad are separating was really tough. More days passed where she met secretly with him and on the third day I met them on my way home together on the street a little further away from our house. Then my collar burst. As if it wasn't enough all that was exposed, they carried on and his wife thinks I'm a spider. I read the window down and said in a clear and specific tone I would like to say: "You now have 5 seconds to get out of here, otherwise I'll get out and we'll be in the newspaper tomorrow. Do you understand me?" That's it. He went without a sound of rag. Arrived at home and visibly angry because my wife wanted the separation, but this condition seemed to be comfortable. "The fool continues to pay for the big apartment, I can go on with the neighbor, his old one is too stupid anyway". No way. I told her to call her sister and ask if she could see her until the matter of separation was settled. Oh yes. Our children wanted to stay with me. Simply because they felt safe and comfortable with me. Not because she was a bad mother. It wasn't. I also have to mention that my and his wife met regularly for coffee, which mine took advantage of to make information usable and because it attracted him and her to the attraction of the forbidden. Well then. After talking to her sister on the phone, she was visibly relieved the next day.

3 days later without any contact, she came home to fetch a few more things and to see the children. She looked normal. Neither bad nor good if man assumes the external state of mind. While she was still in the nursery, the phone rings at home. The woman neighbor. She asked about my wife and if she could come over for a moment because she would like to talk to her and clear everything up. No sooner said than done, my wife said she'd come over and she was gone. After an hour she came back. And? I asked. Did you tell her what happened? She says no. She just told her there was a kiss and that was it.

I was stunned. Both of them are unwilling to accept their responsibility. I opened the computer and showed her the email history that I had sent me days before. She stood motionless. I had cleared my tracks after I did it, and so she had no idea. I told her that I wouldn’t give his wife the history, but she should get out of my sight now. "Pack your things and get out of here," to be precise. About 3 weeks went by and then it started with WA messages like, "How are you?" "I miss you", etc. in between she came over to check on the children.

Fortunately, I was distracted the entire time during the breakup. I was so busy with housekeeping, work, children, etc. that I didn't have time to think about anything else. Lubricate bread and butter, cook in the evening and wash clothes to homework. everything stops alone. My respect goes out to all single parents in this world, hats off.
My wife kept sending me messages telling me I'd like to talk to you, etc. She would come by every two days, we would talk about what, where, and why. She told me she was stupid, made a mistake, would never do anything like it again.

To this day I haven't told anyone about what actually happened when we broke up. I didnâ € ™ t want the other to think badly of her, that she could do something like that, that the children would notice. She shouldn't be walking down the street with her head bowed. It was nobody's business.

After about 2 months she came back. Many conversations ensued. After about 3 months, the neighbor started walking past on the opposite side of the street with his dog. I caught my breath every time I saw him. My wife focused on us. Contact with him, his wife, etc. was completely cut off after the visit to her. Also at the request of his wife. In the meantime, we have moved for about 7 months. We have a great new apartment, good jobs, financially better than ever, great friends and family. But despite everything, something is different. And thats me. I don't regret my decision. I always stand by it. But that still doesn't let me go completely. I still wake up at night. Do I still love my wife? Yes! But it's different than before. This strong bond that I once felt is no longer there. I've seen what she is able to do. I thought we were different. We would never betray or betray each other. I don't know if she came back for mine or the kids. She is a great mother. But that August 2013 something died in me. I don't feel jealousy, fear, or anything negative. Sounds good right? No. Because it would be good if the reason behind it were trust. There is nothing with me. I love them and respect them. But. after all that I face the future with a shrug. It is like it is.

I have read countless posts here and in other forums and people keep saying: "It was a mistake". But now I see it differently. Cheating is a decision! I know what I'm doing from the first moment. From the moment of thought, of already talking to yourself to take a step further, the search, the first contact, the exchange of familiar and intimate details, the first meeting, the first physical contact and lying to the partner in all of this, audition and everything else. In all of these upper stages, the one who cheats has the opportunity to reconsider his decision and to row back. Then one can speak of a mistake. But he or she decides to continue.
When asked why don't you split up, one often hears children. But even one ignores the fact that the probability of separation after the affair is discovered is very high. Are there suddenly no more children?

If there are no more feelings for the partner, why do they come after the affair is exposed? After the shock or the cold shower, if you will, when they were caught. Why is there suddenly the willingness to fight for his relationship? Why did you have to act so selfishly beforehand? Just as you are missing something, so is your partner. He or she is also courageous in this relationship and decides for you. Not for fraud. A breakup might be a horror but that's nothing compared to what a betrayed one feels, ok everyone's different about it I know. I'm just talking about myself now. Measure this with two measures when a man is cheating.

Woman is missing something. that now turns me on and makes me angry. It is completely independent of gender. Either you have character or you don't. Many say I am loyal. But that doesn't mean you are there until an opportunity arises. But completely regardless of the situation, situation or whether someone finds out or not. The first thing to do is to be true to yourself and not to do to others what you don't want to experience.

We live well today, we show that we love each other and that we care about ourselves. I wonder all the more about why she made that decision. I stopped asking two years ago. What should she answer me? I don't know either. So I accept the situation. Now this morning, after almost four years, I've deleted all emails with the progress. I didn't want it to this day. Almost four years have passed. The day she broke me will haunt me forever, I think. It'll get better with time, but go away. complete? I don't think so, but I hope so. But now is good. I think I broke a record and don't think anyone will really read it all.
But for those who made it. Thanks.

05/30/2017 6:11 PM • x 58 # 1