What did your grandparents always say?
You don't owe your parents anything
Do you always go home to the family at Christmas? And get smaller and smaller on the way? Until you are there and they have you the way they want you? Are you not allowed to develop yourself further and will you be reduced forever to what you used to be?
The one with the two left hands! Weight gain again since last time! The mother discusses the rapid growth of your breasts in front of everyone or tells the assembled team how you used to stick the bandage in the wrong way the first time. Couldn't they protect you from sexual assault by your uncle either? Does your mother want to be your best friend and tell you stories all your life that are not meant for your children's ears?
They always want to have us all at one table, that's a typical mother's disease: everyone at one table, please! If necessary with emotional blackmail. Have you ever thought about breaking away from it instead of constantly confirming this behavior by driving there and doing what the family always wants you to do? How about giving up the legacy with which they force their children to be themselves and to obey in order to gain more freedom? It takes a few years, phantom pain at Christmas, a slight feeling of emptiness when you only spend time with your own small, self-established family, but after the difficult few years, a feeling of elation sets in. Promised.
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The high life expectancy is a new problem. In the days of the plague you could be a real adult at around twenty because parents died around forty. You don't really grow up until you no longer have parents. If they are still alive, somehow you always remain a child. Also because they make us so.
If nowadays everyone is 90, 100, 120 years old and if there is bad luck, they survive and you die without ever enjoying what it feels like to be your own, free, independent adult. So if there are good reasons that you think your parents didn't deserve you as a child, why not part with your parents while they were still alive. I made it, I live without my parents, even though they are both still alive. Also saves a lot of money and nerves. For example, on Mother's Day, a Nazi day anyway, I am always told, on every Mother's Day, by my own daughter.
And now comes the difficult generation entanglement: Just because I think my parents were a catastrophe as parents doesn't mean that they are the same as grandparents. I bravely resist the first impulse to take away their granddaughter too. She goes to visit each of them, writes WhatsApp, makes phone calls and sends normal old-school mail, tells me about it and I don't say a word of bad luck.
At some point I found out why it hurts so much when my mother speaks badly of my father. Because every time she offends half of me. If I tell my daughter bad things about her grandma now, I would offend a quarter of my daughter. Is math, right ?!
I love my daughter, don't abuse her for my hatred, don't have to pull her on my side because there are no sides for her. She can maintain relationships with whoever she wants, and so do I. Namaste. Mom's tea. Pat on the shoulder and all oooommm.
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