Have you ever seen a girl poop
17 poop horror stories that will make you feel better
"I had to sit in my eliminations through the entire test."
We asked the BuzzFeed Community to share their funniest, worst, and best poop horror stories with us. Here are the insanely fun results.
1. This drunken fiasco:
Once I was very drunk and had to go to the bathroom. My girlfriend used the only toilet in the house so for some reason I decided to relieve myself in the bathtub. When I had finished, I tried to get up, but fell backwards into the tub and into my own pile. In my drunken state, I turned on the shower to clean myself, but the pipe clogged and created a huge puddle of dirt around me. Cleaning it up again wasn't really fun.
BuzzFeed.de © The CW
2. This fast food disaster:
For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to have coffee and eat some Taco Bell and White Castle on the drive to my parents' house. I was about five miles from her house when I noticed my stomach was rumbling. I farted to feel better and realized that something was different than usual. I couldn't wait any longer. I sped into the parking lot of a department store and ran into the store. I couldn't HOLD it anymore. I stormed into the toilet cubicle and exploded before I even went to the toilet. I looked down and saw that my underwear was completely messed up. After that, I bought a new pair of underpants and howled on the way to my parents' house. They asked me how the ride was. I said "good". I farted one last time and accidentally hit her floor.
3. This double bad luck:
I recently went for a walk with my dog, who was doing his business. Suddenly I realized that I had to be big too, and right away! I pinched my buttocks together as tightly as I could. We ran home and were just a few steps from the bathroom before I looked into it. I was only wearing boxers, so the poop ran down my legs and onto the floor. When I wiped it away, I choked and vomited shortly afterwards. So there I was, sitting on the floor, naked, covered in my own poop and vomitwhen my mother came home and blew the horn from the driveway to take me to the farmers market.
BuzzFeed.de © Disney
4. This maid of honor horror:
I was the maid of honor at my best friend's wedding. I spent the previous week taking care of my friend who was in bed with the flu, but I had no symptoms myself. We all lined up to take photos with the bride when I suddenly felt very bad. I sneezed once and immediately felt something run down my leg. I looked down and my leg was covered in diarrhea. I had to go straight away and wipe it off, and all evening I couldn't believe my panties in my bridesmaid dress. The wedding photos bring back memories I will never forget for more than one reason.
5. That crappy test:
It was the morning of my chemistry exam. I went to McDonald's and thought I had to fart, but pissed my pants instead. Hoping to buy new underwear, I waddled past several clothing stores, but none of them were open. I knew I couldn't be late for my exam, so I couldn't go home either. I had to sit in my excrement through the entire exam. I didn't even pass the exam.
6. This unforgettable honeymoon:
My husband and I were on our honeymoon. I had to take medication that made my digestion process faster than I would like. We were two blocks from our vacation rental when I told my husband I had to go to the bathroom IMMEDIATELY. We walked as fast as I could along the icy sidewalk to our apartment. The moment we unlocked the door, I felt it. I did everything to pinch my buttocks, but it all came out in the form of an explosion of hot poop lava. I crouched down, howled, and said "IT HAPPEN" as if I was in the movie Bridal alarm would. We went upstairs and I did the rest in the bathroom while my WONDERFUL husband cleaned my pants by hand. That wasn't what we wanted from our honeymoon, but there is no denying that THAT is love.
7. The chocolate surprise:
When I was little, I found chocolate-flavored laxatives in our fridge. Thinking it was candy, I ate the whole package. My stomach immediately started gurgling and then I looked at myself IMMEDIATELY. I didn't even have time to go to the bathroom. I ran all over the house to get to the loo, howling and the whole time it kept pouring out of my bum. It was everywhere. Never again.
—Jacki Demchak, Facebook
BuzzFeed.de © TriStar Pictures
8. This snow accident:
Last winter I was working in a winter sports resort. After getting on the chairlift to go to work on the mountain, I somehow managed to piss my pants. I had to go back down the mountain with the poop running down my legs into my snowboard boots. I spent the next hour cleaning up in the bathroom and coming up with a thoughtful excuse as to why I smelled like shit and was late for work.
9. This student nightmare:
I was in the middle of an exam at school when my stomach started rumbling loudly. I rushed to the toilet and got there just in time for most of it to end up in the loo. Everything except for a small piece. No matter how hard I squeezed, that little piece just wouldn't come out. I wiped myself off anyway and inadvertently spread it EVERYWHERE - on my hand, my waistband and the hem of my shirt. I took half a roll of toilet paper to clean my bum and clothes as best I could, and then I had to wash my hands. At that moment my teacher came in to see what was going on and saw me just as I was scratching poop out from under my fingernails with a pencil over the sink.
BuzzFeed.de © Netflix
10. This embarrassing incident after a sleepless night:
I went to the mall with my mom on a Black Friday and had only slept two hours and had a cup of coffee. We were strolling through the mall when I suddenly felt unspeakable pain in my intestines. I stopped dead in my tracks and felt the horror work its way out of my bum. I went completely pale and my mom was worried until I said I had to go to the bathroom NOW. We ran to a nearby Best Buy and I left a disgusting trail on the way there. I cleaned myself up while my mother got me new underwear.
11. That shitty date:
I went to a fancy restaurant with a guy. We'd only been together for a few months. My stomach felt bloated while we ate. I tried to fart silently, but unfortunately it was liquid diarrhea. I just sat there trying not to freak out, but I felt it spread. I had my white blazer on the back of my chair so I pulled it down to my waist. I told my companion I had to go to the toilet for a moment, where I got extreme diarrhea. When I finally finished, I took off the dress to look at the misery. There was a brown stain about the size of a tennis ball on the back. I put the dress in the toilet and let it soak and luckily most of it went away. I ran naked from the cabin to the sink to get some soap. I rubbed the soap into the dress until the stain was no longer visible and then dried it as best I could. Somehow I made it to the table in time so I wouldn't have to answer any unpleasant questions. I was with the man for a few more years. But I never found out whether he knew what had happened or not. And even today, more than 15 years later, I still have the dress.
BuzzFeed.de © Columbia Pictures
12. This greasy mess:
I just got home after eating spicy chicken fillets in a restaurant. I was talking to my mother in the kitchen when my stomach suddenly started rumbling. I thought I just had to fart, but the truth was, I pissed my pants. I waddled upstairs to take off my battered underwear and clean myself up. When I got out of the shower, I heard my mother scream. My dog had tampered with the bag with my dirty underpants and carried them all over the house and spread the mess everywhere. There were brown spots everywhere.
13. This mishap on vacation:
My family and I were on vacation in Egypt. I've been sick all day, so I ran to the bathroom straight away. When we got to the Pharaohs tombs, I ran past the woman who was handing out the toilet paper. I stormed into the cabin and my butt EXPLODED in the loo. I asked my sister to hand me toilet paper, but apparently they had to pay extra for each piece in public toilets. In the end, she had to spend almost 4 euros on toilet paper. Two hours later, when our tour ended and I passed the entrance area, I saw a sign by the toilet I had used that said "closed for maintenance". My bum literally destroyed an Egyptian national monument.
14. This airport disaster:
I've never been excited about public toilets, but I was stuck at the airport and urgently needed to big. So I went about my business and felt better, but when I looked down I realized that my waste wouldn't wash down! They didn't go away and there was a lot of traffic in that toilet so I didn't want to just leave. I covered everything with toilet paper and went out. Problem solved, right? Not correct. I don't know why, but it knocked me out like that I later went back into the cabin and tried to fish it out and toss it in the trash can. That didn't work, so I tried washing over and over again. Fortunately it eventually went away, but my hands smelled gross. Of course, the only solution I could think of was to spread my deodorant all over my hands.
15. This heroic mother:
When my brother was younger, we and my mother went to one of his friends' homes. He went to the bathroom and called my mother a few minutes later. Apparently his shop was so long and thick that it couldn't be washed away, so it split up my mother with aluminum foil into smaller pieces so she could wash it down.
16. That "oh-no-moment":
It was during my first college semester and I had the most adorable lab partner in chemistry. One day my stomach started to growl during chemistry class. I thought it was just gas, so I ignored it. When it started, my stomach started too. I had to go to the bathroom IMMEDIATELY. I told my gorgeous lab partner I'd be right back and ran to the nearest loo, which was down in the basement. I pinched my buttocks together as tightly as I could. I threw open the door to the cabin and shortly before I could sit down, I had already put on my yoga pants. I was so ashamed. I cleaned myself up and somehow got up the courage to go upstairs and tell my lab partner that I was sick and had to go home. I had to walk all over campus in my kinky pants. This hour haunts me forever in my dreams.
17. And this liquid volcano:
I wasn't feeling particularly well, so I went to see my friend who was a medic. When I got to his work, I noticed that everything in my bowels was liquefying. I desperately called him to let me in, but he was too slow. I got out of my car and went into the wooden shed where the garbage cans were. I pulled my pants down and a liquid volcano erupted. Embarrassed, I went back to my car to look for tissues to clean up. Eventually my boyfriend came out and I lied and said I vomited by the garbage cans. He checked and quickly realized I hadn't puked so he kissed me and told me to go home and lie down. To all women: marry a man who will kiss you even after you've shit next to a garbage can at his place of work!
BuzzFeed.de © Apatow Productions
The submissions have been revised in terms of length and clarity.
This article first appeared in English.
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