Are you happy with your children

3 reasons why children don't make you happy

Guest Post

Every mother and father knows these situations in which they feel lost in everyday life, torn between so many different tasks that they are trying to master.

“Where is my own happiness and where can I still realize myself?” One thinks to himself more often than the other.

The fact is that for 70% of all parents, satisfaction and personal happiness drop sharply after the birth of their first child - an impressive and frightening figure. But how does such a difference in happiness come about, when the fulfillment of the wish to have children is actually considered by many couples to be perfect happiness?

[grey_box] TIP: MOM-COACHING helps you to (again) find YOUR happiness. [/ gray_box]

These three reasons are the main reasons why parents are unhappy. Maybe you recognize yourself again?

Reason 1: Happiness doesn't come by itself

“The true wisdom of life is to see the wonderful in everyday life.” -Pearl S. Buck

"Children make you so happy!"

Unfortunately, this is a common misconception because other people cannot make you happy! Of course, that's why children don't manage to make their parents happy either.

First and foremost, they have a completely different task and that is: discover the world, learn new skills and hopefully become happy yourself.

The older they get, the more important their need for self-efficacy becomes.

Of course, you can feel great happiness when you can watch your child's first steps, when you smell this wonderful sweet and sour baby scent for the first time and try to hold onto this scent forever. Or when your child beamingly tells you that they love you.

Life with children can create a new quality that does not exist without children - and that without any evaluation.

In spite of this, or precisely because of this, it is not these little people who make you happy, but the situations they are allowed to experience with them and your interpretation of them.

If you manage to walk this mental balancing act, then you can even increase these wonderful moments of happiness: by attentively and impartially living everyday life with your child and opening your heart to new experiences.

On the other hand, you should always research passions and dreams that make you happy, together and alone. So become the creator of your own moments of happiness!

Reason 2: A ravine between expectations and reality

 

“The happiness of your life depends on the nature of your thoughts.” -Marc Aurel

Having your first child is like an earthquake: a few times you are shaken roughly and then nothing is left in its usual place. Maybe something broke too. In any case, it takes some time to reorient yourself, to sweep up the broken pieces and to rebuild everything piece by piece.

Often the expectations of a harmonious family life collide with reality, which is called “family life closed due to renovation work”.

Every new beginning is a unique opportunity for growth. Wherever something collapses briefly, it can be rebuilt afterwards. Maybe even better, more stable, more beautiful?

Take a look at which of your needs are currently unmet or cannot be met. Look for solutions together with your partner or family in order to be able to collect strength and support.

And above all: be patient with yourself! Perceive every new situation as an opportunity to learn something new and to be able to grow into your role as a mother or father.

Reason 3: Missing the chance for further development

 

"Happiness comes when your work and your words are of use to you and others." - (quote of unknown origin)

In a matter of seconds, a child can get us to look our own emotional construction sites right in the face - and that can be terrifying.

Could you blow up if someone uses swear words?

Your child will litter you with swear words.

Do you see red when someone wastes food?

Your child will throw tons of food on the floor.

Do you get nervous when someone doesn't give you the attention you deserve?

Your child will consistently look away 1,000,000 times when you speak to them.

Why is that?

Perhaps you are not even aware of your own sore points because you may have surrounded yourself a lot with people who did not trigger these points. Or you have avoided or broken off relationships that became disturbing, hurtful and stressful for you. Or maybe you didn't have to ask yourself what certain conflicts have to do with yourself and your needs.

It's a different story with your child! Few relationships are as close as between child and parent and few people meet us in our weak moments like our own children.

At some point your child will do things out of their love of experimentation and discovery that make you really angry. Perhaps you will react with an intensity that you have not experienced in yourself before.

Children do not do these things to annoy you, hurt you, or disturb harmony. Behind all actions that a person does (even the supposedly destructive) there is a need.

Accept your strong feelings about your child's actions as gifts. They show you that important needs have been neglected here for you.

On the other hand, you also have the wonderful opportunity to ask your child about the needs that lie behind them, when they cannot cooperate as you would like.

Wherever there is a thunderstorm, where it crashes and thunders, you have the opportunity to learn something about yourself and your child.

Wherever conflicts arise, an attitude of trust and curiosity can create so much closeness - to your child and to yourself.

Last but not least…

A child won't make you happy if you don't have happiness within you.

A child is not going to make you miserable if you are not miserable anyway.

After all, living together with children is the same as in all stages of our life: we cannot expect happiness to fly to us on its own. Neither can we let happiness be given to us by another person or be destroyed.

If we become active creators of our everyday life, our thoughts and our perception, we find it more likely than if we just wait for others to make us happy.

This can be a tough job at times, and a big change for some. We can then reap the fruits of this hard work in the form of a loving relationship with ourselves and our children.

And with that, a big step towards a happy life is paved.

ALSO READ:

"Anger. Why big feelings are important and what anger shows you about yourself as a mom "

"Let go. This is how you succeed as a mother. "

"Talk to me, mom!" Appreciative communication with children "

“Self-regulation in children. This is how it can work in everyday life "


 

About the author:

On her blog "Happiness" Katharina shows you how to find happiness and yourself in addition to the hustle and bustle of the family and children's laughter.

Stop by there if you want more Happiness and ease want to bring into your everyday life.

 

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Tags: family life happiness