Infidelity is common in France

Women cheat on their husbands for one of these reasons

If you ask someone what is the worst that their partner can do to them, they will likely say “cheating”. Finding out that your partner has been unfaithful is devastating and can destroy self-esteem.

When Alicia Walker, a sociologist and researcher at Missouri State University, examined why women cheat on their husbands, she expected the results to match what people expect in these cases. For example, it is often said that infidelity is a sign that the woman is seeking emotional support or has simply fallen in love with someone else.

The truth is far from the usual infidelity stereotypes

But as she writes in her book "The Secret Life of the Cheating Wife: Power, Pragmatism, and Pleasure in Women’s Infidelity", her discoveries do not fulfill any clichés. She contacted a total of 46 women through the Ashley Madison dating site, and none of them were looking for anything other than a physical connection.

They weren't looking for anyone to support them emotionally - they were just looking for sexually compatible men.

"They were very pragmatic and methodical in finding someone to get involved with," Walker told Business Insider. “And they made it absolutely clear that their decision had nothing to do with whether or not he was a nice guy ... So none of the sentimentality we women often attribute. They talked a lot about how it was about power and freedom for them. "

Most loved their husbands

The women did not seek love in others because all but two said they still loved their husbands. They just wanted to be satisfied in bed.

"The women I spoke to cheated on their husbands so they could be with them," says Walker.

"The women I spoke to cheated on their husbands in order to be able to stay with them"

“They did not cheat on their husbands out of revenge, or to escape marriage, or to get their husbands' attention through bad behavior. It's none of those things. "

Walker explains that they stopped having sex with their husbands at all, or at least the partners didn't care if the women had an orgasm.

Cheating served its purpose

"They all talked about their marriages being completely sex- or orgasm-free - at least for the women themselves," she said. “It was clear to them that if I don't do anything about it, I will leave at some point. I'm going to destroy my family, break my children's heart, break my husband's heart, and I just don't want that. "

In most cases, the women felt that cheating was doing its job, and they were all very careful that their husbands would never find out about it. They told Walker about all the positive things their lovers brought into their lives with no commitment whatsoever.

Also read: Sex isn't the only form of infidelity in a relationship

"Most of them said the men they met were not as good as their husbands, at least not as good people," says Walker.

“They told me how their decision had benefited them. They were more relaxed, less stressed, and there was less tension in their marriages. Many said they previously harbored grudges against their husbands for the sexual inadequacy. But by outsourcing the sex, they could come home and be the wife and mother they wanted to be again. "

This article was published by Business Insider in March 2018. It has now been reviewed and updated.