Cheating with colleagues is normal

Colleague Kotzbrocken: Always trouble with colleagues

To say it right from the start: The headline is of course meant ironically. It's not about in the job and at work bad mood to spread, on the contrary. But that is exactly what they do negative thoughts: You split colleagues more than they connect. Often this is not even perceived by those affected at first. At least at first. But sooner or later the thoughts rub off on you, behavior changes, as does the attitude of your colleagues. A kind of self-fulfilling prophecy - and negative spiral. But sometimes there is simply the whole concrete reasons that turn an office neighbor into a colleague Kotzbrocken ...

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Colleague Kotzbrocken: Always trouble with colleagues

No question: no job, no office is free from occasional anger, frustration, conflict. Then your fists are clenched in your pocket and your thoughts go roundabout in your head.

So far, so normal. But, regardless of whether you (have to) work with Blender, Diva or Nerd - you are solely responsible for what happens in your head:

who negative thoughts permanent and gives a lot of space, shouldn't be surprised if his own Job satisfaction, even productivity and creativity suffer.

A important basic rule So for a start: Before you complain about the bad working atmosphere, stamp someone as a colleague Kotzbrocken or want to change jobs because of lousy colleagues, ask yourself whether this assessment is really true - or just your own thoughts.

This happens more often and is easier than expected. Here are a few examples of common thoughts that make one Wedge between you and the others:

  1. How can you think that way ?!

    Or be like this ... act like this ... react like this. Or in short: ... different from yourself. Anyone who thinks that way reveals one Tolerance weakness and makes himself a benchmark. The first act of many dramas begins this way. Instead of judging and judging someone because they are different, this opens up the opportunity to learn new perspectives get to know and explore.

    Not infrequently behind this thought is also a low self-esteem that is about the Devaluation of otherness must upgrade. Break the vicious circle and, if you are genuinely interested, ask openly: How did you get that?

  2. It's all their fault!

    First of all: mistakes happen. All of us. Finger pointing are of course convenient, especially since they distract from your own mistakes and enhance yourself. And this is exactly where the divisive power lies: Whoever searches for and names the guilty, looks backwards and is not even constructive with it.

    The knowledge only becomes unifying when you try to find a solution together and make the most of the mishap. Those who offer help even build and strengthen relationships.

  3. It's much easier for him than me!

    Is that correct? It's true: we all have ours Problems and somehow fight our way through - just not always on the same fronts.

    And some people, to whom everything seems to fly, wrestle inwardly with themselves and their own claims. You also have to can indulge; But envy of the successes of others is divided.

  4. I will never forgive that!

    Granted, there are things - a difficult one Breach of trust, an intrigue, outright fraud - they make further cooperation difficult or even impossible. Of course, the decisive factor now is whether the perpetrator shows remorse, apologizes correctly, and makes amends. If so, so should you forgive, let go and leave the past behind.

    Canadian psychology professor Carsten Wrosch has been researching negative emotions, including bitterness, for more than 17 years. Result: Those who hold grudges harm their health considerably: bitternessAccording to Wrosch, especially if it becomes chronic, it can weaken our immune system or even make it sick, not just mentally.

    And ultimately being unable to forgive reveals nothing other than one narcissistic hurt. Possibly even one who seeks revenge. But revenge always takes revenge - especially on ourselves.

  5. In fact, I’m probably a failure.

    Okay, you did your best - and unfortunately that was not enough. This time. And possibly a couple of times before. So what?! You already have that learned a lot: How it doesn't work; where risks lurk; what colleagues should consider in the future ... This knowledge can be shared, then it is even useful for everyone, connects instead of being in self-pity segregate.

    Please remember: It is not our mistakes that define us, but what we make of them. And Failures always offer the chance to start from scratch, smarter and better than before. Just as you forgive others, so should you - especially - do it with yourself.

The colleague may not be a puke at all. As little as you. There are certainly many similar ones negative thoughts of this kind, you might even just think of some. Sticking to it, however, creates an uncomfortable atmosphere in the office and is also the humus on which pessimism thrives.

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Colleague Kotzbrocken: What employees don't like about their colleagues

But you really do exist: The colleagues whose fingernails roll up if only the name is mentioned in the conversation; whose mere presence makes you want to leave the room; who manage to strain their own nerves every day. In short: colleagues who you just don't like and with whom you are reluctant to work.

You can't like everyone, that also applies to your job. After all, this is where they meet different personalities each other and try to get along with each other. Such a constellation is exhausting, but can usually be solved. On the other hand, it becomes really difficult when several colleagues have problems with each other - or all of them get into each other with the same colleague.

Here, the reasons are usually not only in character, but in very specific behaviors, decisions or actions that triggered the aversion. But what distinguishes the typical colleague Kotzbrocken?

  1. He's a loner

    Not every task requires a great deal of teamwork, but anyone who has once received the reputation of a loner in the job - and then confirmed it - does not make many friends in the workplace. This is too important for most employees Working atmosphere and the mood among colleagues.

    Then one thinks only for your own well-being and focused colleagues usually react with reluctance to just make a good impression on the boss themselves.

  2. He participates in gossip

    In many companies, floor radio is a very well-functioning communication channel, through which rumors spread much faster than over the telephone or the Internet. However, those who actively participate in it, spread rumors and gossip about their colleagues, are only popular in the rarest of cases.

    Except maybe with other blasphemers with whom one pokes at the others together. The Knowing the rumor mill is one thing, but if you want to be liked by your colleagues, you should rather hold back on your own participation.

  3. He adorns himself with strange feathers

    A particularly quick and effective way to make yourself unpopular with colleagues. Selling a colleague's ideas or accomplishments as your own and presenting it to the boss doesn't make a good impression and in the future you shouldn't be surprised if your colleagues avoid you.

    Even if this happened unintentionally and the boss praised you for something you didn't do, the situation should be clarified so that the appreciation goes to whoever deserves it.

  4. He's always busy complaining

    In no job or at any workplace everything always works 100 percent the way you imagine it to be. There are always things that annoy you. Indeed you quickly become such an annoying factor yourselfwhen you spend all day complaining about everything.

    Nobody wants to listen to the constant wailing, especially when no suggestions for improving the situation be made.

  5. You are late

    No matter whether in the morning, when you always come to work a few minutes later than your colleagues, in a meeting where everyone else is already gathered at the table or when completing a project where the deadline has to be postponed again - If you are late, you lose a lot of sympathy points.

    We don't always want to be kept waiting and punctuality is always a must Sign of respect towards the other.

  6. You take no responsibility

    If the teamwork does not take responsibility for a mistake, everyone involved usually has to take responsibility for it. This is not only uncomfortable, but also clearly gives the impression that you cannot rely on one person.

    And the colleagues who then had to take care of it, to iron out the mistake again, are certainly no longer so good at talking to colleagues.

What annoys women most about male colleagues

Please don't get it wrong: There is no doubt that there is a whole range of things that bothers men about female colleagues. But some masters of creation believe that they have to behave differently towards colleagues.

But that's exactly what upsets many women. In these cases, different is usually not better, but rather derogatory or patronizing.

We have a small typology of 4 different male colleagues put together that annoy women the most.

  1. The disrespectful one

    The disrespectful sees himself as fundamentally superior to his colleagues in all matters - and he likes to let that hang out once in a while. Commenting on errors disparagingly, he prefers to take on tasks himself because he does not trust his colleagues to do it. The disrespectful person is usually older and has been with the company for a longer period of time, which is why he likes to cite his experience to underline his competence.

    How to deal with it: Don't get involved in his power. Here it usually only helps to convince with your own good performance.

  2. The conceited one

    He sees himself as a gift to the female sex, considers himself the best-looking and best-dressed man in the entire company and actually cannot understand how his colleagues do not fall in love with him in rows. He uses every contact with the women in his office to put himself in the spotlight and to distribute compliments.

    How to deal with it: Bring him back down to earth. Make it clear that you expect professional interaction.

  3. The particularly masculine one

    Men would probably describe him as a classic buddy type, but his behavior quickly becomes annoying for women, because as soon as women are around, the particularly masculine only knows a few topics: sports, cars, beer and what other classic areas of his own Gender holds. The clear - and only - statement: Look here, I am a real man.

    How to deal with it: A difficult case that sometimes only helps to ignore it completely.

  4. The opinionated one

    As its name suggests, the opinionated must always have the last word and be right in the end - this is especially true for women. As soon as they make a suggestion, he immediately starts a big discussion to show that he has a much better idea and that everything else is doomed to fail anyway.

    How to deal with it: Don't let yourself be intimidated, go on the offensive. Defend your opinion and make counter-arguments on your part. The opinionated person is often not used to contradicting himself.

Colleague Kotzbrocken: Don't just point to others

It's easy to get over that to blaspheme annoying colleagues, to criticize unpleasant characteristics in others and to complainthat the others make your own life harder. On the other hand, it is more difficult to touch your own nose and notice that you are not so flawless yourself.

Perhaps you yourself are the colleague of pukes that others don't like - or you are on the way there. If so, you should recognize the signs and do something about it.

You can tell from these clues that your colleagues are not particularly popular with you and that there is an urgent need for action on your part:

  1. Your colleagues will avoid you

    If you take the elevator, others will take the stairs. If you take the stairs the elevator will be crowded. When you go to the canteen, your colleagues are in the snack bar. When you order pizza, he runs away. In short: Often find yourself alone, others seem to be avoiding you. Just why?

  2. You are almost never congratulated

    Birthday, wedding anniversary, company anniversary, daughter's birth - good reasons for congratulations is there every now and then. Congratulations are then the topmost duty of colleagues, that is what politeness dictates. But your colleagues hold back and only appear very rarely at your place to shake your hand - and that rather reluctantly?

    Maybe the others just noticed a lot or didn't even notice that there was a reason to congratulate them. Or you don't like the others and do not rejoice with you.

  3. You will not be involved in private communication

    Modern means of communication even simplify the nuisance at work. Internal gossip is wonderful via Skype or in the WhatsApp group. From your Colleague started the group, but obviously didn't invite you, you will only find out secondhand. He certainly didn't forget you by accident ...

  4. You almost exclusively receive emails

    And a lot of them. Your colleagues will tell you when the meeting is taking place and why. What the status of the current major project is. What tasks you have to deal with and what business trip awaits you next.

    Clearly, e-mails are part of professional communication, but it can also be noticeable that every personal encounter is avoided. A one-to-one conversation would often be the better and faster alternative.

  5. You get criticism all the time

    When brainstorming, the others don't leave a good word on your suggestions, in the meeting you get one or two stupid comments. Everything you do or not do triggers criticism. Your colleagues just don't miss an opportunity to choke you down - sometimes subtle, sometimes very open. But always out of heartfelt dislike.

  6. You will not receive any information

    What the boss said in the meeting yesterday. Who the HR department is currently looking for. What the IT guys are working on. Why the new one made itself impossible after just three days. Colleagues know all of this but do not share this information with you. Even when asked, there are only monosyllabic answers - maybe because they don't want you to be in the picture.

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January 28, 2021Author: Jochen Mai

Jochen Mai is the founder and editor-in-chief of the career bible. The author of several books lectures at the TH Köln and is a sought-after keynote speaker, coach and consultant.

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