How to deal with a submissive lie
Be careful. While it is possible to expose dishonesty and lies, it is also possible to interpret deceptions into somewhere where there are none. A number of factors could make it look like someone is lying when the signs are actually embarrassment, shyness, malaise, or shame. A stressed person can be mistaken for a liar because some of the signs of stress are the same as those of lying. For this reason, it is important that observations of a person suspected of being a liar reveal a pattern of dishonest behavior and responses, and not just a single "aha!" Signal.
- Is the person clearly stressed in general, not just from the current situation?
- Does a cultural factor play a role? Perhaps the behavior is appropriate in one culture, but is perceived as dishonest in another?
- Are you prejudiced or prejudiced against this person? Want you that this person is lying? Be careful not to fall into this trap!
- Is it known that this person lies more often? Is she trained in it?
- Is there a motive or do you suspect a lie for a good reason?
- Are you really good at spotting lies? Did you consider the whole context and not just focus on one or two possible indicators?
Take the time to develop a good relationship with the accused and create a relaxed atmosphere. This includes not allowing yourself to show that you suspect the other person is lying. Make an effort to mirror each other's body language and the speed of the conversation. When questioning the person, act with understanding, not pressure. This approach will help the person lower their defenses and help you read the signs better.
Establish a foundation. You can get a foundation by observing someone's behavior when they are not lying. This will help you recognize when someone is behaving differently than normal. Get to know the person if you don't already know them - people usually answer simple questions about themselves honestly. With someone you already know, you can create a starting point by asking them something you know the answer to.
Learn to spot distractions. Often times, when people lie, they tell stories that are true, but their main aim is not to answer the question asked. When a person responds to the question, "Have you ever hit your wife?" With an answer such as, "I love my wife, why should I do this?", The person is technically telling the truth but avoids accepting your original question answer. This may indicate that the person is lying or trying to hide something from you.
- Ask the person to tell the story backwards. It's very difficult, especially when you can't forget any details. Even a professional liar can have trouble with this approach.
Look at the suspected liar with an expression of disbelief. If the person lies, they will soon become uncomfortable. Often times, when the person is telling the truth, they will become angry or simply frustrated (lips pressed together, eyebrows pulled down, upper eyelid tight and squeezed).
- Liars try to read you to see if you can buy the fairy tale from them. If you don't show any signs to tell them something, a lot of liars feel uncomfortable.
- By being a good listener, you are already avoiding interruptions, which is a good technique for the story to unfold. Try not to interrupt others when you tend to. Not only does this help expose lies, but it also makes you a better listener in general.
Finish it off. If you have the chance, check out the facts behind what the liar is saying. A skilled liar may give you reasons why you shouldn't speak to the person who could confirm or deny a story. These are likely lies too, so defeating your reluctance and talking to the person you were warned about can be worth it. All facts that can be verified should be verified.
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