I live in the past why
Why the past determines your present
And how you can break away from it.
We have experiences from an early age. Internalize the principle of cause and effect. We begin to link events with each other, learn to associate, to expect consequences and gradually develop more and more stimulus-reaction patterns that seep into the depths of our subconscious and from there control our thoughts, our feelings and our actions.
Based on our experiences, a certain expectation develops inside us: As it was before, it will be again in the future.
On the one hand, this is helpful and offers us protection. Namely when there is really something that we have to protect ourselves from.
Too often, however, we do not really react to what is happening to us today and in the NOW, but rather according to a stored pattern, one Conditioning. That always happens when there is a similar stimulus, a similar trigger. Even if the situation is completely different.
For example, your father often kept very quiet when he was mad at you. That made you feel insecure and led to the fact that you were no longer sure of his love in such moments. Today you feel insecure every time your partner is silent. You are immediately emotionally involved, the stimulus - silence - triggers an old conditioning and you feel unloved and also responsible for his (supposed) annoyance. That doesn't feel good and it also prevents you from being there for your partner in moments like this, that you can really come into contact. You are confronted with your own emotions way too much.
Patterns of this kind from the past happen constantly and so quickly that we usually do not notice much of them on a conscious level:
In this way we create our very own reality.
Over time, our conditionings solidify and harden and it becomes more and more difficult to track them down.
But that is necessary if we want to live in the moment instead of in the past, if we want to get involved without bias and not controlled by our own subconscious, want to run against the same walls over and over again.
So what can you do Watch yourself!
1. Come in Contact with your body. Our body and mind are in constant contact and react to one another. Perceptions trigger subtle physical sensations to which our mind reacts. We can learn to consciously perceive and observe these sensations.
2. Become the silent observers of your thoughts. By first learning to observe what is going on in the, instead of reacting immediately, as usual, you create a distance, a small space. Here you have the opportunity to act more consciously and freely instead of just reacting as before.
To stay with our example: Your partner is silent. Take a deep breath and feel inside yourself. There is heaviness in the stomach and the feeling of tightness in the throat. You observe how your mind evaluates on the basis of past experiences: "He's mad at me. I've done something wrong again. I'm sure he doesn't think I'm so good anymore. Oh man, I always do so much wrong!" (and whatever else the ghost babbles ...).
Normally you would respond to it now. Maybe you would defensive stance take in. Ask a lot. Be silent yourself. Maybe even react angrily.
Instead, you wait a moment and calmly look at what is going on, knowing that it is all happening within YOU. You do not react to your feelings and thoughts, you do not evaluate them. You just wait a moment for the first storm to pass. Until you see something more clearly.
Over time you will be able to observe and accept better and better and the better that works, the weaker the conditioning becomes, the more you can let go, feel calm, decide what you want to do now.
They are getting weaker because you can no longer keep them strong through constant training, as before; because you practice yourself no longer identifying so much with your ego.
(Mindfulness) meditation, yoga and conversations with close confidants, which help to track down old patterns, are valuable companions on this path.
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