How can I please a pregnant woman
Pregnancy: Not every woman likes to be pregnant
Enjoying pregnancy to the full is something wonderful. But what if one cannot cope with one's body dimensions, is plagued by fears or feels more sick than blissful? Women who feel this way urgently need support.
"Every time I look in the mirror, I could ...! And I have to throw up all the time anyway," complains 32-year-old Micha, who is expecting her first child and with the "other circumstances" not at all get along. "I don't know what is so great about looking like a walrus, feeling miserable, unable to sleep at night and being kicked from the inside," she asks herself and shortly thereafter admits: "I would love to be one from these beautiful pregnant women who are resting in themselves and whom I constantly meet somewhere. That's exactly how I wanted it to be. But now I'm just happy when the child is here and I have my body to myself again. "
Pregnancy as a necessary evil to have a child
Daniela doesn't feel that bad, but she was also happy with her three-year-old when he was finally outside. She is currently pregnant with his little sister and finds the condition even more uncomfortable. "Now hold out a few more weeks and then hopp, hopp, zack, zack - out with it!" For her, pregnancy is only a necessary evil, although she has no discomfort and looks dazzling. "I think it's like the semolina in front of the land of milk and honey. You just have to go through it. But you don't have to like it."
Be responsible to the unborn
"You can't tell a woman how she should feel about her pregnancy," says Roswitha Glimm. As a midwife, however, it is important to her that women behave responsibly towards their unborn child. "What attitude you have does not matter to me. I accept your feelings. I am only sorry for the woman if she cannot enjoy her pregnancy, if this state is more of a horror for her. It is more important that she afterwards." is a good and loving mom. " And thoughtfully she adds: "Because there is also the opposite."
There is no such thing as a "perfect" pregnant woman
Whether a woman can enjoy a pregnancy or, like Daniela, regards her as a necessary evil, that also depends on the type. It depends on what image of women you have in mind. Because even if more and more models show themselves to be pregnant, if more womanly figures are slowly but surely coming back into fashion - the women who are now getting pregnant are often shaped by a completely different image. And many of them do not come to terms with the expectations that they feel they are having of themselves.
"I can tell that the whining is getting on my husband's nerves. He has these perfect pregnant women in mind," complains Micha. "These women, who apart from a nicer bosom and a round belly nothing of the pregnancy can be seen. Who stay sporty and look as if they had been cut from a commercial. I, on the other hand, am totally misshapen and constantly have other niggles that affect my life make it hard." Micha has the feeling that she does not live up to her own expectations or those of those around her. She is afraid that if she doesn't already manage what everyone supposedly can do, she will certainly not be able to do it once the baby arrives. "Am I going to fail there too?" She wonders desperately.
Worries nip the anticipation in the bud
How women react to their pregnancy also depends on factors such as their biography, their experiences, the environment, their own upbringing or childhood and social affiliation. If a woman cannot consider her pregnancy to be normal, then, according to Roswitha Glimm, this often has something to do with insecurity, a lack of knowledge of what goes on in her own body and a lack of confidence in herself and in nature. "Added to this is the medicalization of a natural state. In the past, women were simply 'of good hope'. Most of the time, you didn't think much about difficulties."
Not every pregnancy is cause for joy
But of course there are reasons that would prevent any woman from enjoying pregnancy to the fullest. She is more of a burden. When you don't have enough money, when your partner has left you, when you reject the child, for example because it was conceived by rape in your marriage or, of course, when you know that the child will not be born healthy. "When my gynecologist suddenly became so strangely quiet during the ultrasound, we became very different," remembers Alexandra. "The diagnosis that our child would be born with a 'harelip' and that it was not yet possible to foresee to what extent, that blew us away. You immediately start to google, you see the most terrible pictures and then you go from there out of sheer fear, no more enjoyable minute of pregnancy. "
Some women need special care
Alexandra went into psychological treatment on the advice of her midwife. Roswitha Glimm is also sure that a pregnant woman needs special care in this situation. Because sitting in the class and having lots of happy couples around you, while worrying about your child and worrying about the future, is a terrible situation. "If a woman wishes to drop out of one of my courses because it is unbearable for her to be with other, supposedly uncomplicated pregnant women, then I am happy to look after her individually."
Some problems go deep
I am pregnant and not sick! Some women do not have this healthy attitude. They perceive their entire pregnancy as torture and no matter how much affection and understanding you show them, they are downright immune to objective information or "evidence" that everything is going normally. "I then tell myself that this woman has a problem that I, as a midwife, cannot solve. One that lies deep within her. But there are also women who believe that they can get more recognition, love and attention through complaining. But there are also deeper reasons why they need it. "
Try to do something good for yourself and the baby
If a woman cannot enjoy her "other circumstances", then the negative thoughts are often combined with feelings of guilt and the fear that the unborn child might suffer as a result. Here the environment can take hold and give the pregnant woman the amount of care and understanding that she needs. And take something from her, for example, so she can do something good for herself. Whether a pregnant woman is fine or not depends very much on her social network, say researchers from the University of Michigan. In addition to family and friends, a conversation with an employee of a counseling center can sometimes help to sort out one's feelings - and thus to find oneself again and thus also to the child.
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