Can you forgive someone forever
Learn to forgive: With these 7 tips you will find forgiveness easier
Forgiving can be very difficult, but it is the cornerstone of coming to terms with yourself. We'll tell you why forgiveness is so important to us and have seven tips that you can use to learn to forgive friends or your partner more easily.
Failure to forgive someone can put a strain on a relationship or friendship. Even if you've ‘made up’, the real problem is usually still deep. In our seven tips, we'll tell you how you can forgive faster, so you can spend less time worrying and more time being happy.
Why forgiveness is so important to our psyche
Why forgiveness is important to the psyche
As a result, our soul does not come to rest and we become more unhappy the more often we deal with these problems. The art of forgiveness removes aggression and skepticism and leaves room for the beautiful things in life. Those who forgive can close the chapter in their life and look ahead.
When we do not forgive, thoughts revolve around blaming the other. We spend our time being resentful, planning revenge, and burying ourselves in negative feelings. We are constantly confronted with disappointment, resentment, hatred, anger, bitterness or rejection. This can even affect our body: tension, exhaustion, high blood pressure, headache or stomach ache and sleep disorders can all result.
Why we find it so difficult to forgive
Forgiving can be difficult
The most common reason we fail to forgive is our pride. We feel so offended that we would not forgive ourselves if we "overlooked" it. But forgiving is not ‘looking the other way’, it is letting go. We hold grudges to punish the other, but incriminate ourselves rather than him. The other does not notice our plans for revenge and thoughts of resentment, but we waste our time with it.
Realize that forgiving doesn't mean approving of the behavior. You can still distance yourself from it, but you can no longer hold it against the person. You can limit contact and stop sharing your life with this person, but you shouldn't feel hatred when you think about them. We tend to forget about all positive things when we have been hurt or disappointed. We think that it was all just a waste of time and the person is a bad person. We fixate on this one incident rather than looking at the entire interpersonal relationship.
You've probably had nice times together, and the person probably gave you a lot before they let you down. Think about the good sides of the relationship and why, despite the disappointment, it wasn't a waste of time. You may even have learned something from the incident.
Forgive faster: 7 tips for your inner peace
Forgiveness must come of its own accord and cannot be forced. It takes time, patience and new perspectives to get rid of the inner resentment. In the following, you will find out everything that will help you to forgive faster. This way you spend less time getting angry and use the time for the better things in life.
Get the opinion of friends and family
Get the opinion of friends and family
Talking is the best medicine when it comes to forgiveness. Of course, it's best to talk to the person who hurt you. However, if that is not possible, or if you still cannot forgive him afterwards, you should reach out to family and friends. It can be incredibly liberating when you get rid of your frustration, and you can also get a few other opinions.
Describe the situation and ask your loved ones how they would act if they were you. Perhaps they open up perspectives for you that you have not seen before due to your anger. Perhaps they also let you see that not only the other person but also you are to blame for the argument. They know you well and probably know from experience how to deal with disappointment. The people who know you best can help you best now. You just have to try to stay open and not take their statements personally. You certainly don't want another argument now.
Put yourself in the shoes of the person who hurt you
An important step towards forgiveness is empathy. Try to explain somehow the behavior of the person who hurt you. You don't have to fully understand or approve of the behavior, but it does help to understand how the person acted. Understanding why the other acted this way is the first step towards forgiving.
Realize that you too have certainly made mistakes and have been forgiven. People are imperfect and keep disappointing one another. The most important thing is that there is no ill intent and that the wrongdoing has been sincerely apologized for. Even if you have been badly hurt or cheated on, you can never trust the person again and break up with them, you may at some point be able to forgive this wrongdoing and come to terms with yourself.
Forgiving is not making up
To forgive does not mean to accept
Those who make up again after a dispute usually consider the difference of opinion to have been resolved. But often one agrees rather than actually saying something. So both parties deal with the problem longer and the resentment keeps coming up.
Even if you've made up your mind to make up, make sure you've really spoken out. Otherwise the conflict will sooner or later become an issue again. If you approach them again, try not to get caught up in allegations, just describe how you feel. Stay calm and matter-of-fact to resolve the conflict once and for all.
If someone has let you down badly, you are probably blaming yourself as well. You ask yourself questions like “Why did I waste so much of my time?” “How could I be so blind and not notice anything?” Or “How could I ever trust him?”. Make yourself aware that everyone makes mistakes from time to time. Nobody is perfect and everyone sooner or later in life will be disappointed by their fellow human beings.
Trusting someone and getting disappointed is better than not trusting at all. You would never feel secure, never safe except with yourself. You would also miss the many great people who do not disappoint you. There is always some risk involved in forming close ties, but it's worth it.
It is understandable when you are angry and right when you want to distance yourself from the person. But look ahead yourself, forgive yourself and also forgive the one who hurt you. It doesn't punish him, it punishes yourself if you don't forgive him.
Put yourself back in beautiful moments
Put yourself back in beautiful moments
If you'd like to forgive but just can't, think back to good times. Often we see the entire relationship or friendship only through a red veil of anger and it is difficult for us not to look at the common past full of disappointment. We only see the negative things that happened to us through this person.
But such a mindset is poison for forgiveness and is not good for your psyche. Instead, think about all the beautiful things you have experienced together. What funny stories would never have happened to you without the other? Did he even make you who you are today? Try to counterbalance and weaken your anger with good moments. Think about how many more beautiful moments you could have if you could only bring yourself to forgive.
Looking ahead: what is better now than before?
When we part with the person who hurt us, we often accuse them of having thrown everything away with their behavior. We look at beautiful moments in the past and think that the future can only get worse. We suffer from a lack of understanding for the other, our powerlessness and the changes that our life is going through now. Familiar daily routines are completely different without someone close to us.
So remember what is better now than it was before. What can you do now that didn't even occur to you before? How can you realize yourself? We already have some food for thought that will help you look ahead and see your life with completely new eyes.
- I no longer have to be considerate and can do what I like. Everything that I previously changed for the other out of love, I can now do again.
- I have more time for friends and family who have always been there for me.
- I will have a lot less stress from now on.
- I am now independent and can realize myself (for example go abroad or move where I want to)
- I can find someone who will treat me as I deserve.
- I'm relieved that from now on I can only spend time with people I can really trust.
When you get your positive attitude back, you will find it easier to forgive the person who hurt you. You then no longer hold him responsible for your bad ’situation, but learn to use things as they come. You get the best out of yourself, which would never have been possible without the breakup. In the end, you may even be grateful that you finally found yourself through the conflict.
Give things time
Give things time
Forgiveness is a process. Nobody suddenly decides to forgive and the world is all right again. First, you have to accept what happened and then try to understand the behavior or realize that there was no bad intent behind it. You have to have intensive conversations and if you lose trust, the other person may first have to prove himself and show remorse.
Conflicts can destroy the bond between two people very quickly. It takes time for this bond to heal again. If you see the other endeavor over a long period of time, sooner or later you will likely be able to forgive. Then it is even possible to return to the original, healed and happy state.(10 votes, average: 4,60 out of 5)
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