Why am I obsessed with being beautiful?

Love can be so beautiful, but love addiction is a danger to the relationship

Love can be so beautiful. You look forward to each other, want to spend as much time together as possible, you're addicted to the other - in the best sense of the word. But there is also the opposite. The love addiction.

However, this has nothing to do with sex addiction. The love addict is obsessed with his partner, but less physically and more mentally. Everything the other person says and does is wonderful and at some point the only thing that matters. Love addiction often goes hand in hand with another "addiction" - jealousy. Every step of the other is viewed with suspicion. The fear of being abandoned is huge and always present.

Hobbies, colleagues, even the sexy lady from the TV commercial becomes a danger. After all, the object of desire could fall in love with someone else. Sounds crazy, but it happens more often than you think. A full 16 percent of Germans are in such relationships. Even more women than men are addicted to love. But the guys are catching up.

In the relationship with a love addict, both end up suffering. The love addict makes himself completely emotionally dependent, the partner has to endure this clinging and controlling. Consequence: If you don't get along, there is often a breakup, which the love addict seldom accepts immediately ...

Am i addicted to love

  • Relationship is number 1

    If (after the first big fall in love) everything revolves around the relationship, if you neglect friends and hobbies completely and only think about the other person, you could be stuck in the middle of the love addiction. Experts also speak of "obsession".

  • Fear of being alone

    With the reason “I just can't be alone”, many people talk about even the worst relationship nicely. That is why love addicts are almost always in a partnership - even if it is anything but satisfactory. Also gladly taken: married lovers - with the love addict in the role of lover.

  • If you say that...

    If you find yourself adapting to the other person completely, only their opinion counts and you no longer have your own, then you should slowly pull the emergency brake. Even if you are ready to subordinate everything to the other and to go along with everything without resistance, you are at risk. Incidentally, this also applies to sex.

  • Are you crazy?

    As a love addict you can endure a lot and put up with all kinds of things - including infidelities, disrespect or lies. After all, one suffers from an "addiction" - and the partner is the drug.

  • Vicious circle

    The love addict is often stuck in a fatal vicious circle: the more you want from the other, the less you get. And the more you try, the more the other backs away. Instead of simply saying at some point "You can do me!", The love addict does not stop hoping that everything will be fine one day. But who wants to be with someone who is so obsessed in the long run?

Triggers for love addiction

The trigger for a love addiction often lies in childhood. Anyone who has experienced a deficit in love will try to fill this void for the rest of their lives. Or better: let your partner fill it. Unfortunately, it rarely goes well. You have to give yourself the lack of love first and foremost. There is no other solution. Unless you want to depend on someone else to make you happy for your entire life.

Even if you suffer from a lack of self-esteem - for whatever reasons - you are more at risk of becoming addicted to love than people with pronounced self-esteem. Inferiority complexes often lead to enduring a lot or to clinging to someone - after all, you can be “happy” to have had a partner at all and therefore you shouldn't lose them under any circumstances.

What to do?

Whoever wants to free himself from addiction needs to know that love has nothing to do with suffering. And nothing with pathological affection. Nobody has to fight for love to be worth anything. And nobody really needs a relationship to survive. It's nice to have one - but it's not a must.

Alone alone? It's hard, but those who are addicted to love have to learn to be alone with themselves. Dealing with yourself is the most important step. A new hobby, more sport - and above all contact with friends, that is the best way to combat love addiction and prevent a breakup. Note: Your partner is not the center of the world, but yourself!

Book tip

"Everything for a little love"

No more waiting and languishing!

by Julia Kathan, Omega Verlag, 192 pages, 13.50 euros