Can I fall in love at school

When young people fall in love with teachers - this is how you keep the balance between proximity and distance

FÜRTH.What do teachers do when students become particularly affectionate, ask about meetings outside of school, when students may even flirt? Psychologists consider such crushes to be normal, especially during puberty, but advise teachers to exercise caution.

E-mails, “chance meetings” and sudden special interest: Girls between 16 and 18 in particular sometimes discover feelings for their teachers. Boys of this age are more likely to suppress strong emotions or express them through aggressive behavior.

School psychologist Stefan Drewes from the Federal Association for School Psychology advises to deal with flirts as friendly as possible, but verbally and non-verbally - otherwise it is easy to slip into a closer relationship, which could have unpleasant to serious consequences for both sides. He says: “Such situations are flattering for teachers in the sense that it is nice that the student has so much trust in me, the student admires me so much.” But it is important that the student is clear where the limits are and what the roles are: As a teacher, you can be approached in school, if you have problems with classmates or the subject matter or in a difficult personal situation. In addition, the student should look for other contacts outside of the school. It makes sense if the teacher also makes their own living conditions clear, for example by talking about their children or their partner.

The debate should only take place in a safe place. This is the only way to ensure that the young person cannot attach anything to the teacher - for example out of disappointment with the rejection. If the open discussion is not enough, he should inform colleagues and seek advice. Warning: Relationships with addicts will definitely lead to disciplinary proceedings.

Change of perspective: The crush for the teacher is a classic among teenagers. This is quite normal and, from a psychological point of view, a kind of exercise field for love, says Maria Große Perdekamp from the online advice service of the Federal Conference for Educational Advice (bke). "The young person can experience it all there in their imagination." Normally, however, this is never implemented in reality. Parents should therefore remain calm and be tolerant. And they can talk to the offspring about it and ask, for example: "What do you think is so great about him or her?"

Even when it comes to a teacher, parents often only have to accept that - after all, being in love cannot simply be turned off. But you should make it clear: "A relationship with the teacher is not possible - not even legally." It is best for parents to explain the teacher's point of view to the child, says Große Perdekamp. In addition, parents should not encourage contact - for example, do not send the child to the tutoring group of the adored teacher. nin with dpa

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