Why can't I forgive my betraying husband?

Whoever cheats, comes back again

People with complexes are jealous. I know that. Because I used to have complexes myself, not too tight, and I was very jealous. I was jealous of everything, everyone. On the sexual past of my husband, ridiculous, on his greeting to the conductor on the train, on every platonic female friend my husband had and also on his colleagues. Embarrassing. Now, after years of relationship, all jealousy is gone. Right away. I feel free of it, as if a tumor had been removed.

Unfortunately, I can't explain exactly how I did it. Did I even do that? If you do a lot, a lot can have helped afterwards. Or was it just the one thing? Getting older and thus becoming more relaxed? Get security in the relationship? All those hours of couple and individual therapy? Seeing the children grow up also makes them more stable! Just finally, after all these years, believe my husband what he says?

In any case, the attitude changes: the other day a friend of ours killed himself. And only then did I really realize how much I want to live. No matter what happens to me, I want to live. Alone if necessary. I notice that I am self-sufficient. I no longer define myself by my husband or by being a mother. Anything bad can come, everyone can leave me, I still want to live. Even if the Russians attack and the nuclear power plant on the Belgian border is blown up at the same time: At some point I'll be back in the car, listen to loud chart music and laugh myself to pieces because a fat grandma seems to be in time with the music, as with GNTM, the Catwalked down the street!

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In the past: "If you cheat, I'll kill you first and then myself."

Today: “Build as much shit as I have built. No matter what you do, I'm sure I and we can do it. "

The relationship with my husband has definitely changed a lot, for the better. In the past: "If you cheat, I kill you first and then myself." Today: "Build as much shit as I've built. No matter what you do, I'm sure I and we can manage it. "Honestly: I can hardly think of a reason to leave. And if they do, the things are so bad that I don't even want to formulate them because that would be so bad, it's unimaginable. And very, very unlikely. Cheating because of sex or cheating because of being in love are much more likely. "Please try it out," I would say today. I hope of course that being in love with strangers doesn't last long and you'll come back. If that doesn't work out, I'm just very unlucky. But there is nothing I would do, like before, to prevent that by force. Back then, I Googled every woman my husband met. If she was too good-looking, I put great effort and emotional blackmail into preventing the meeting.

The insight has seeped deep within me that we, as old as we are likely to get and as long as we are likely to stay together, cannot remain monogamous. Only beautiful things in that sentence, have you noticed: Live long until death do us part Be a couple - and have exciting sex.

People who have cheated on before know that the cheated partner usually overestimates the matter. Out of hurt, clearly, and feelings of smallness. The cheating partner then always says: "That means nothing, nothing compared to us!" And that is usually really true. Cheating makes up less than half a percent of the relationship, very far down there, only briefly, at the moment maybe exciting, but super insignificant compared to this big life project "good relationship".

I puke that I have to quote Sting, but: "If you love somebody, set them free!" I'm just saying that this is correct. Until my husband sits down with me at some point, takes my hand and says: "Charlotte, I have to talk to you about something."