Why do people avoid difficult conversations

Tips to help you master difficult conversations

Last update: 25th May, 2018

From time to time we have to endure difficult conversations even when we don't want to. Some people choose to avoid complicated conversations, as if that would just solve the problem - but that's not how it works. Delaying the inevitable often only complicates things.

We don't have to be afraid of difficult conversations. There are ways to face these types of situations, we can even cope with them well to avoid them ending in drama and so that we can achieve what we expect from any conversation: effective communication .

Let's take a look at how we can put that into practice below.

“When the door to communication opens, everything becomes possible. Therefore, we should practice opening up to others in order to allow communication with them. "

Thích Nhất Hạnh

Techniques for tackling difficult conversations

First we should get rid of this biased opinion of difficult conversations. Ultimately, this is what we call conversations where we assume in advance that we will have problems. When we do this, we swear to conflict, and that creates a tense attitude in the first place. We go on the defensive and at that point the problems start.

Therefore, the first step in mastering difficult conversations is not to think about complications from the start. This will help us focus on the conversation and see things from a distance. It also allows us to better perceive signs from our interlocutor in order to deal appropriately with his or her emotional messages and reactions.

Actively listen without prioritizing your feelings

We humans need the feeling of being heard. For this reason, not only should you be attentive and ready to listen, but your entire body should radiate that you are listening. Listening to the other person is an indispensable condition for communication.

If the other person experiences tension or fear, if he realizes that you are on the defensive or have taken an aggressive posture, he will react negatively and will not be ready to listen to you. However, if you behave attentively, calmly, calmly, and even compassionately, it will be easier for the person you are talking to to calm down.

Conversation, difficult as it may be, is not a struggle. There are no winners or losers. Therefore, you should stay calm when you want to clarify something, especially if the other person shows signs of emotional change.

Difficult conversations turn into clarifying conversations if you actively listen.

Do not let your feelings speak for you, even if the person you are talking to has hurt you

In addition, it is important that you do not let your feelings speak for you, even if the other person has hurt you. The other wants to feel valued, which means they want to know that their feelings also count. He needs to be sure that you believe in him, despite his actions and the fact that he hurt you with them.

Therefore, once the goal of the conversation is clear, take an interest in their thoughts and feelings. Before your conversation continues, accept them without judging or disregarding them. You can then share your thoughts and feelings.

Learn to interpret signs of the emotional change in your partner and to deal with them

In the face of a difficult conversation, many people block themselves. This makes them even more nervous and the conversation doesn't go well. However, if you are attentive and observe certain changes, you can help keep calm and keep the conversation under control.

For example, if you notice a change in pitch when the other person speaks quieter or faster, you can let them know. Or, you can choose not to tell him this, but still be aware of the importance of this change. Often times, in the midst of a statement, we humans change the way we speak, right before we say what's important to us. This is because we fear what may come, or feel that there is some problem that would make it impossible for us to move forward.

Another sign that you should recognize is a nervous laugh. Some people laugh when they feel ashamed or uncomfortable. This is not a mockery; it is similar to crying with happiness.

A nervous laugh is usually a sign of discomfort. This sign opens the door for you to ask your interlocutor how he is feeling and to find a starting point from which to continue your conversation in a positive way. This type of laugh can also indicate that the other is trying to evade an emotion. Therefore it is important to ask him to express what worries him or what he needs to overcome the blockage.

Another sign of emotional change is a change in eye contact. One look can reveal that our interlocutor should take a break. If he's looking in a different direction or fixating on us in a rigid and threatening way, it may mean that something important was being discussed in the conversation. If so, you should ask him in a nonviolent and genuinely interested manner to share his point of view, which you should listen to without interruption and judgment.

If you notice that the other person uses the word "but" a lot, this is a sign that he is about to say what he is afraid of but does not dare to say out of fear or shame. Use his "but" to help him finish his sentence.

Mastering difficult conversations is beneficial for both parties

As we said earlier elsewhere, conversation is not a fight where there are winners and losers. Understanding, reasoning, or suggesting solutions requires putting a difficult conversation on a good path.

It's not about being right or showing the other anything. In terms of this type of conversation, that is exactly the worst we can do. As a result, we gain nothing and lose a lot. If you want to keep doors open, you should open your mind and leave resentment, anger, and anger aside.

If you are having a difficult conversation - and this is often the case, we shouldn't kid ourselves - think about what you want to achieve with this conversation and let the other person know. It is important that you both know what goal you are trying to get to.

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