Could romantic movies ruin romantic relationships?
Danger! These films put your relationship at risk
We admit it: For many of us, a romantic love story is simply the best thing after a long, frustrating week. Are you one of those women who prefer to feel like 1,000 with a glass of wine and a pack of chocolate? Watch "Dirty Dancing"? Then unfortunately we have bad news for you.
You want a man like Noah from "Like a Single Day"? Want to meet the man of your dreams out of the blue like in a romantic comedy? Unfortunately, this rarely happens in real life. And for this very reason, many people are certain: Hollywood romances can stir up very high expectations of our dream prince and, in the worst case, endanger a relationship - or ensure that we don't even find “the right one” in the first place.
For an article on “TimeOut”, psychologists and dating experts were asked which films preach these unrealistic ideas about love and relationships the most. And we are shocked to find that many of our all-time favorite films are among them.
These 5 films are damaging your relationship
# 1 dirty dancing
Why the film is dangerous: Nobody should want a protector or savior in their partner.
"Why is it Johnny's job to say‘ Nobody puts baby in the corner ‘[literally: Nobody puts baby in the corner, quote in the German version:‘ My baby belongs to me, is that clear? ‘]? Why does it take a man to save a woman? This storyline implies that she will always be dependent on him in her future life. But you can't and you shouldn't expect your partner to solve your own problems or to be there for you in every single moment. "(Gurpreet Singh, couple and psychotherapist)
# 2 Notting Hill
Why the film is dangerous: It is very unlikely to find your soulmate in the bookstore.
“The chance to meet your soulmate by chance is romantic, but totally unrealistic. People watch films like ‘Notting Hill‘ and think that at some point they will meet the right guy. It's a myth. It just doesn't happen that way. You shouldn't sit back and wait for ‘the one. Rather, you need to be proactive in finding a soulmate and partner. Sometimes it has to be tackled like looking for a job. You have to put time and effort into it. (Jo Barnett, Dating Coach)
# 3 Like one day
Why the film is dangerous: You are unlikely to find someone who will build a house with their own hands to prove their love for you.
“Noah is restoring a house for Allie. He writes her letter after letter while waiting for her. They die holding hands [sorry for the spoiler]. When one speaks of idealized love! When you start to believe in this type of love, you start to think that you shouldn't settle for less. But for most of the average couple, it's not like that at all. We are human, we are fallible. Love is not perfect because we are not perfect. "(Gurpreet Singh, couple and psychotherapist)
# 4 Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
Why the film is dangerous: Love takes time.
“Who is this prince in the forest? What makes him a good partner for Snow White? She has never seen him before and never spoken to him, but he's the love of her life? Fairy tales stop where the real story should begin. It's never about how a relationship matures. It's never about comfortable relationships with a true bond. It's about the exciting part, the fireworks. It makes couples think that this is the most fulfilling time in life, even though it is bullshit. "(Goedele Liekens, psychologist and sex therapist)
# 5 Grease
Why the film is dangerous: Nobody should have to change for their partner.
“Sandy has to change completely to be interesting for Danny. Why should she have to be someone else? Why does Sandy even want to be with this person? Opposites attract, but what remains when the attraction is gone? Shared values are what maintain a relationship. If it is purely physical, it quickly subsides again. "(Gurpreet Singh, couple and psychotherapist)
Thumbs up for these 3 films
However, there are also a few cool films that even the experts liked because they convey a positive image of love and relationships.
# 1 La La Land
“Mia and Seb have a spark, but they give each other space to become who they want to be. It's a fantastic relationship, but the timing is wrong if they don't want to miss out on opportunities. This is what life is often about. Even if they are not happy together [Sorry, another spoiler!], When they look at each other at the end you know that it was worth it. "(Gurpreet Singh, couple and psychotherapist)
# 2 Bridget Jones
“Bridget represents the neuroses that many modern women know well and the insecurities that dating brings. These are obstacles that real people have to overcome in order to have a happy relationship. The confusion and misunderstanding between her and Darcy are very true - interpersonal communication is what destroys relationships. ”(Jo Barnett, Dating Coach)
# 3 Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith“If you want to look at the downsides, there is hardly a pairing that represents a dysfunctional relationship better than Padmé Amidala and Anakin Skywalker. It doesn't turn out well, but it's realistic. She was older, he was younger, and in love with her. Even if you ignore the age difference, there were so many signs that the relationship was damaging. A good relationship is based on communication, shared values and respect. You haven't communicated effectively with each other. Instead of dealing with the problems, they ignored them. "(Gurpreet Singh, couple and psychotherapist)
Which films would you include in the list that convey unrealistic experiences and which, on the other hand, paint a very honest portrait of love and relationships? Let us know in the comments!
Image Source: Warner Bros., Lionsgate, Disney, Universal, giphy.com
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