Why can't we meet all other expectations

Why expectations aren't there to be met or What my best friend's wedding taught me

My best friend got married on Saturday. Since I had completely underestimated how much still had to be done and how much I was planned for all these tasks, I did not make a new article.

So here I am now, two days after the wedding, surrounded by beautiful flowers, decorations and a hell of a lot of leftover alcohol, summed up over a cup of Earl Gray. You just can't go without it here in England.

The wedding was a wonderful experience. It's great to see two people so in love with each other. Interestingly, however, there are other things that still concern me today, that touched me and that made me think.

Since I was also the best woman, the day held a very special challenge in store for me: The speech that is traditionally given by the best man.

And it was precisely this combination that gave rise to this article in my head over the past 24 hours.


What nobody tells you about a wedding

A day that should be the most beautiful day in the life of two people is shaped by expectations.

To the couple, to the celebration, to the guests. Expectations of parents, bride, best friend. And all of that often turns these days into a rollercoaster ride.

There is the child who whines in church or the young woman who does not actively lend a hand during the preparations, but warms up because she is cold.

And honestly? You can easily replace wedding with life here.



Life is shaped by the expectations that others have of you. You only have this one (as far as I know). And you align it day after day only with the things that others expect of you.

You act like Christopher Columbus every day. You are sailing around in the ocean surrounded by all possibilities. And then you see land in the distance and you want nothing more than to explore it. It looks great, it is sure to be exactly what you've been looking for! Actually.

Instead of discovering the new continent that calls you, that interests you, you turn off just before the tempting coast to go to India. Because that's where you are supposed to go, that is the destination where you are expected to arrive.

A young woman made me aware of how unbelievably blatant the expectations other people have of us. She is successful in her job, pretty, adorable and just lovable. One of the bride's oldest friends.

A few weeks ago, her family suffered a bitter blow when their father surprisingly died very young.

I don't need to elaborate on how much you and your family are suffering. All day long they tried their best to support the bride and groom. And yet that wasn't good enough.


The only tips you should be following when dealing with expectations

This is exactly what inspires me to give you 3 tips for dealing with expectations.

1. If you disappoint others' expectations, this is their problem, not yours,

When I say that the maid of honor's efforts have not been good enough, I am not doing it out of malice, but rather out of disappointment. Often it is people who love you who have incredibly high expectations of you. And unfortunately also those who know which buttons to press on you so that you feel completely miserable.

But: Even your mother, your siblings, relatives, your partner have to grow up at some point and realize that just because they have arranged something in their head, it doesn't necessarily happen that way.

You have the expectations. You behave as you see fit. You are disappointed.

Not your problem! Yours!


2. When expectations and facts meet, that's a nice side effect. But it is not the goal.

That brings us to the next point in a moment. It's great when a wedding goes exactly the way it was planned. When one of the children like Mister Papa is aiming for a medical degree or the partner has exactly the same sex drive as you do. Totally nice and a nice coincidence.

But: If one of the partners just believes that they always have to go along with them, if the child only studies for the sake of the parents and is deadly unhappy or there is a maid of honor who suddenly suffers a terrible stroke of fate, then it is her right People not to behave the way they are expected to behave.


3. The only expectations that really matter are your own

On the day of the wedding, the girlfriend of the groom's brother offered to put my make-up on. She is incredibly beautiful and elegant, introverted and reserved. And she did a great job of making up on me. Every minute I had the feeling that she was really enjoying what she was doing. And since she is still very young, I asked her if she could imagine working in that direction.

She said no, because this is a career that is not to be taken seriously. And seemed genuinely astonished when I told her that it was very much so and that she should live the life she wanted, not what others imagine for her.

Far too often you let yourself be submerged, far too often you think something should be exactly like that and align yourself with it. Although that's not your own idea.

A good warning signal is always your stomach or your health. If something is literally making you sick, it is time to listen inside and feel whose expectations you are actually trying to meet.


And then please go to the bathroom and look in the mirror. The person you see is the only one whose desires really matter.


Make a note of this article now!