INTJ is confident in a romantic relationship

ESF (ESFP) in relationships




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ESF are very active, spirited, enthusiastic, fun-loving and full of lively energy. They enjoy life, thrive in the present moment, are clever, funny, have fun, like being the center of attention and are excellent at entertaining themselves and others. They are happy, optimistic, confident, and eager to cheer up others and take their minds off their worries.

IT F are friendly, warm, helpful, and genuinely interested in people. You approach people in an active and uncomplicated manner, accept yourself and others as they are, and can respond to a wide variety of people. They are very popular and have a large circle of friends and acquaintances.

IT F are loving and affectionate partners, very empathetic and inspired by the desire to make the partner happy. They need and look for a lot of closeness and contact, live and allow an uninhibited sensuality and can be very exciting partners. At times they can be quite exuberant with tokens of love. They do everything to make their family happy and to make their home a haven of joy and harmony. Often they neglect their own needs and health in their willingness to help.

IT F are practical, literal and concrete and rely on their sensory impressions. They dislike theories and don't like talking about the past and the future.

IT F shy away from confrontations and want to avoid conflict at all costs. They often let things take their course in the hope that they will resolve on their own. They are sensitive to criticism and take everything very personally. They experience recognition and appreciation as an incentive; they feel inhibited by disapproval and criticism.

IT F can be very faithful and loyal in a harmonious relationship and go through thick and thin with their partner. If a relationship becomes uncomfortable and stressful and there are no special care obligations, the urge for freedom and the need for variety can become acute again and lead to the search for new partners.

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IT F in relation to ESD // in relation to ESTP


ESTP / ESD = E.xtraverted S.inner orientation with auxiliary function D.think.

ESFP / IT F = E.xtraverted S.inner orientation with auxiliary function

Positive aspects

Both have a lot of fun with each other and with others, are playful, fun-loving
and always looking for fun and exciting experiences.

They are having a good time, like to laugh and tease each other,
are relaxed and straightforward and open up in the present moment.

Both are sociable, talkative, active.

They rely on their immediate sensory impressions, take everything literally and specifically, and usually understand each other well.

They are realistic, practical, gripping and have both feet on the ground.
They do a lot of sports, enjoy outdoor activities and are sometimes looking for risky adventures and thrills.

They do not like to be restricted, they do not like to plan far ahead, they are informal and unconventional and they seldom care about rules and structures.

What the partner values ​​about ESF / ESFP:
Real warmth and sensitivity. ESTP (ESD) admire how well ESFP (ESF) understand other people and give them the feeling of being cared for and pampered through their heartfelt devotion and tenderness.

What the partner values ​​about ESD / ESTP:
Calm, pragmatic; radiate trust; can be very charming and exciting.

ESF can with the help of the partnerbecome more open, straightforward and honest; keep a little distance when dealing with other people so that his / her feelings are not easily hurt.

ESD can be done with the help of the partner become more sensitive to the needs and feelings of others. ESTP (ESD) often say that their partners bring depth and meaning to their relationship by helping them become less shallow and more willing to express their true feelings.

The potential for frustration

ESD are usually calm and objective, even in crises.
IT F however, they react very emotionally and are full of compassion.
They take everything very seriously, even if it affects strangers or animals.

ESD often have little understanding of the partner's strong feelings and reactions and consider them to be exaggerated.
IT F feel misunderstood and rejected.

ESD can often react violently in conflicts and disagreements. They calm down quickly, but rarely apologize.
IT F then withdraw and cannot easily overcome the hurt. They avoid confrontations because they want to maintain harmony. The more they withdraw, however, the more impatient the partner becomes.
If it IT F succeeding in staying open and calm will become ESD strive to solve the problems.

ESD are guided by their logic in their decisions and rarely consider how their decisions affect others.
IT F make their decisions based on their compassion, but usually decide spontaneously without thinking too much about future effects.

IT F sometimes longs for more intimate conversations.
If IT F pays attention to whether a matter is important enough
becomes ESD be more willing to have a deeper conversation.

Both Partners are playful and carefree. They find everyday chores boring and avoid them. But they have to happen and deadlines have to be met. So eventually one of the two will take on these burdens, but feel appropriately exploited and frustrated.

Problems also arise because both tend to be impulsive in spending money on amusements. Financial problems are usually the result.

So that one of the partners is not forced into a "parenting role", it is important that the partners take turns taking responsibility for financial management and find a fair and flexible way to keep their finances in order and still be able to enjoy life.

On the bulletin board:

Dear ESF partner (ESFP)

I will try to be patient with your deep and often violent feelings and not to reject them.

I have to work especially hard to be tactful. I will approach discussions positively, first mentioning something that I value and only then saying what I would like to have different.

There is so much that I appreciate about you. I especially thank you for your efforts to make me happy. I am also always happy about how good you look. I think I should talk about such things a lot more often.

Perhaps I should also think about showing you my affection with well-chosen gifts and tickets.

I also have to weigh more carefully what I say because I usually only notice it afterwards, when you feel hurt in your feelings. In these cases I should not fail to apologize.

Dear ESD partner (ESTP)

I will try to be calm and logical in discussions, especially when there are problems or something that I would like to have different.

I also want to be careful to avoid exaggeration and overreaction.

You will probably be more comfortable with my reactions if I explain the rationale behind them. I'll pay more attention to that.

I often forget that with your logical thinking preference, it is not easy for you to follow my feelings. Then I should be careful not to think you are numb. I want to remember that feeling and thinking are the opposites that bother us the most.

I should stop myself from withdrawing in silence when I need alone time to come to terms with my feelings. I make up my mind to notify you when I want to withdraw and to tell you calmly and without reproach why I am upset.

I respect your competence, but I have to be careful not to let myself be drawn into questioning your authority in public during emotional moments.

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IT F in relation to IT F  //  ESFP in relation to ESFP


ESFP = IT F = Extraverted sensory orientation with the auxiliary function of feeling

Positive aspects

Both are impulsive, playful and informal and like to have fun.
They are loving, generous, and supportive, and are spontaneous at any time to help one another or a friend. They are careful to please and to be complacent.
You are soulful, empathetic and can listen well, but are also realistic, factual and humble. In this respect, they can understand each other well.

By paying attention to the blind spots they both have in common, they can help each other slow down their activity and pace, be more aware of the consequences and effects of their actions, and be more diligent in keeping commitments and promises. You can plan ahead together in order to get along better with the money and to make provisions for the future.

The potential for frustration

Both are often so fun-loving, impulsive, unrestricted, so disobedient to rules and so absorbed in the amusements of the moment that they can lose systematic control over their lives and neglect obligations. This can cause harm and inconvenience to them and those they care for.

Both postpone decisions because they want to keep options open and not miss out on new ones. This can lead to them missing appointments and losing opportunities, and often making last-minute decisions that they are not satisfied with later.

Both Most of all, they prefer to rely on their own experience and are skeptical of methods and ideas with which they have no experience. This can cause unsolved problems to build up and the same mistakes to happen over and over again. After all, they can become so pessimistic that they can hardly see a way out of difficulties that arise.

Both are reluctant to do household chores and find it boring to create order or to plan ahead of what needs to be done or what should be done appropriately. But because you can't let it get to the point where vital and beneficial precautions are not taken due to the sheer chaos and confusion, at least one of the partners has to deal with these things. He or she will feel exploited and treated unfairly. Since nobody wants to be like a boss, but nobody wants to be controlled either, they have to come to a fair division of tasks.

Both are also quite relaxed and spontaneous when dealing with money. So that there are no constant arguments or financial difficulties, it can be beneficial for each of you to take turns planning expenses for a certain period of time and both of you to adhere to it.

Both love a harmonious, enjoyable and carefree coexistence so much that they want to avoid conflicts and arguments. That is why both of them often try to simply ignore problems and postpone them unresolved or to refrain from talking about difficult topics. This can lead to permanent irritation and suppressed anger and aggression can build up, which suddenly break out and disturb the harmony even more and lastingly.

Both react mostly out of feeling, take everything personally and feel hurt by criticism, even if it is constructive. That's why they prefer to refrain from expressing their dissatisfaction. For a healthy relationship, however, it would be better if they could get into the habit of saying calmly and without pressure or reproach what they would like to have differently.

Both value a close emotional bond. This means that they can become more and more interrelated and dependent on one another.

On the bulletin board

Dear ESF partner (ESFP)

I would like to spend certain times alone and I suggest the same to you so that a feeling of mutual independence can develop.

I want to slow down my pace and reduce the many activities in order to gain more time and peace for professional development and growth.

I invite you to schedule regular times in which we can speak openly and seriously about upcoming problems, about our relationship and also about personal feelings and insecurities.

We could work out a system of dividing up the chores and sticking to it. When it comes to the budget or future investments, we could also consider external advice.

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IT F in relation to EDS  //  ESFP in relation to ESTJ


ESTJ = EDS = E.xtraverted D.Environment orientation with auxiliary function S.inner sensation

ESFP = IT F = Extraverted sensory orientation with the auxiliary function of feeling

Positive aspects

Both are active, spirited, sociable, friendly and talkative and thrive when they are together with their many friends, colleagues and neighbors.

Both are realistic, practical and sensible, focus their attention primarily on the physical world and enjoy being in the great outdoors. They are good observers, pay careful attention to details, remember their personal experiences accurately, and explain things in a literal manner and in precise order.

What the partner values ​​about ESF / ESFP:Real warmth; empathetic, gentle and caring; tender and playful; loyal, accepting and supportive.

What the partner values ​​about EDS / ESTJ:

ESF can with the help of the partner becoming calmer, less impulsive, more serious about completing his / her projects; become more responsible, consistent and reliable; be more open and honest about what he / she thinks; Finding access to some traditions.

EDS can with the help of the partner relax and have fun, express his / her feelings; become more sensitive and appreciative towards other people; consider other considerations than just your own.

The potential for frustration

EDS are very responsible and follow the rules. They are conservative and maintain the status quo. Sometimes they think their partners are a little too casual and unconventional, try to keep them in check and impose their values ​​on them.
IT F are casual and playful and rarely feel the need to dominate others. They stick to the motto: live and let live. They sometimes think their partners are uptight. They often find it difficult to understand and respect the rituals in which their partners find support and stability.

EDS they only feel at home in a home that is tidy and clean. They resent the clutter and chaos that their partners leave behind and find it unfair that they have to bear the brunt of the domestic chores.
IT F on the other hand, they do not allow themselves to be disturbed by a certain disorder and do not see why they should waste so much time on tidying up and cleaning. They are annoyed by their partner's obsession with cleanliness. Although they often work in the household, they are naturally so distracting that they often cannot resist when something more stimulating comes up.

EDS like to work and want to finish what they started. They stick to the motto: “First the work, then the game” - if there is still time for it.
IT F often many projects start, but only a few finish them. They know how to combine work with play and, as far as possible, give preference to play in order to keep life interesting and enjoyable.

EDS are on time, IT F however, often unpunctual.
EDS handle money carefully and sparingly, IT F are generous in spending money.

EDS want things to be decided quickly and stick to the decisions that have been made. They get annoyed when their partners want to change something afterwards.
IT F want to be sure that they are making the most favorable decision and therefore delay making decisions as long as possible in order to collect enough information and to be able to consider newly emerging opportunities. You are always ready to change decisions as new points of view arise. They get annoyed when they feel pressured to make hasty decisions by their partners.

EDS decide according to factual criteria and rely on logic and objective analysis. They often find that their partners are overly emotional and inconsistent.
IT F rely on their feelings and personal values ​​and take into account the impact their decisions have on other people. They find that their partners are too critical and insensitive to the needs of others.

On the bulletin board:

Dear ESF partner (ESFP)

While not my lifestyle, I am generally willing to partake in some of the many amusements and unusual adventures that you suggest.

You need a lot of freedom and I give it to you. Enjoy the freedom. You shouldn't feel like I'm expecting something like "accountability".

I appreciate your efforts and your skill to ensure our common happiness in a comfortable home and I am grateful to you for it.

My tendency to point out errors, mistakes and contradictions is not good for our relationship and does not help either. If I ever think it is necessary, I should first mention something positive, something on which we agree. As a rule, however, criticism is not only dispensable, it is useless and counterproductive.

Although I am much more decisive than you, I make up my mind to always include you in my decision-making. I have to resist my tendency to determine and to insist that things be done the way I want.

Dear EDS partner (ESTJ)

I have recognized that you need to make life somewhat predictable and I want to adjust to it. I will respect your routines and daily routines.

I don't want you to feel taken advantage of because I'm so reluctant to help out with the house. I want to change that and resolve to work with me to finish what I have started and to put the things that I no longer use back in their place immediately.

I will also respect your need to plan ahead. If I want to change plans, I will speak to you in good time so as not to take you off guard.

If I say I'll do something, I really will. If I see that I'm going to be late, I'll call you.

I often expect you to guess what I want. I resolve to tell you my needs and worries calmly and clearly. I will try not to get overly emotional. I also want to give up the habit of simply withdrawing when something goes over my liver.

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IT F in relation to EFS  //  ESFP in relation to ESFJ


ESFJ = EFS = E.xtraverted GefOcular orientation with auxiliary function S.inner sensation

ESFP = IT F = E.xtraverted S.inner orientation with auxiliary function

Positive aspects

Both are energetic, active and practical, have a factual and literal view of things and therefore understand each other well.

They are sociable and talkative, they revive when they are around people and have a large circle of friends and acquaintances who maintain close contact.
They are kind, appreciative, warm, and compassionate, and are attentive to the feelings and needs of others.
The two are a loving, affectionate couple who like to look after each other and maintain an intimate, expressive exchange of feelings.

What the partner values ​​about ESF / ESFP:
Relaxed, carefree, accommodating, generous, accepting. Free-minded, carefree way of thinking. Love of life, it's fun to be with ESF.

What the partner values ​​about EFS / ESFJ:
Responsible, mature. Work hard to create a safe and stable life for you and your family. Love to share their feelings clearly and be generous with compliments and appreciation.

ESF can with the help of the partner Become calmer, more reliable and more responsible, organize yourself better, pull through more projects to completion.

EFS can with the help of the partner become happier, have fun in everyday life; worry less about what other people think of him / her, thereby overcoming a strong need to please and not upset others.

The potential for frustration

EFS are more conservative, traditional and have a high work ethic. First the work has to be done, then comes the game (and often comes off badly). They urge that the partners and children also adopt this high value orientation. If they do not, they will be judged as reckless and irresponsible.
IT F on the other hand, they are unconventional and free-spirited and often have little respect for traditions and authorities. There has to be work, but the game shouldn't be neglected. They follow the motto “Live and let live” and believe that life is there to be enjoyed. You consider the ethical demands of the partners to be excessive and exhausting, but do not go on a course of confrontation, they simply do not join in. But a subliminal frustration remains on both sides if the attitude and way of life of the other is not consciously respected.

EFS are outwardly judgment-oriented (dominant extraverted feeling) and therefore value a structured, orderly environment and a planned life. You are happiest when as much as possible is regulated and done. That is why they are often impatient for quick decisions and are annoyed when the partner does not want to commit.
IT F are outwardly perception-oriented (dominant extraverted sensory orientation) and value a flexible and spontaneous way of life. They defend themselves against a planned life and hasty decisions and postpone decisions as long as possible in order to gather enough information for an optimal decision. You reserve the right to revise decisions when new considerations or opportunities arise. You are annoyed by your partner's impatience and feel unnecessarily constricted.

EFS As a rule, they feel compelled to ensure that the household is tidy and tidy because the partner places little value on it and prefers to pursue his / her activities and amusements.

The main problem now is that neither EFS still IT F likes to talk about conflict so as not to disturb the harmony that both of them long so much for. But resentment builds up subliminally, which one day can break out suddenly and violently and poison the atmosphere. ESF-EFS pairs should not lose sight of this danger, but consciously ensure that problems and differences are immediately discussed openly and lovingly and solutions or compromises are sought.

On the bulletin board:

Dear ESF partner (ESFP)

I understand that I have to give you a lot of freedom. Pursue your interests and get together with friends. There is no reason you should feel guilty about it!

I will be more than happy to accompany you on any of the activities and adventures that you suggest and, to do this, interrupt what I am doing.

I make up my mind to throw a party for you myself every now and then. Of course, I will take over the planning and organization so that you can enjoy the social gathering carefree.

I myself am willing to make decisions, but I promise not to rush to make decisions. I respect your need to collect a lot of information and, if necessary, to reconsider and revise the decision.

I understand that it annoys you if I often react skeptically or negatively to your suggestions. I make up my mind to consider the many suggestions you are accustomed to make, even if they may seem far-fetched or even irresponsible to me at first.

Dear EFS partner (ESFJ)

I have to be more careful that my behavior is predictable for you. Because you always want to be prepared for everything. For example, I'll get into the habit of not inviting guests to my home without discussing it with you in good time.

I will respect the routines and rituals that are important to you.

I am grateful to you for everything you do to keep our life and household running smoothly and properly.

In order to prove this and to relieve you, I will take on a fair share of the housework and also do additional work without being asked, especially if you are overtired or exhausted.

I won't leave a mess and I will put away the things that I don't need right now. I will finish projects that have already started as quickly as possible.

If I say I am going, I will really be there. I'll also remember to call you if I realize I'm going to be late.

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IT F in relation to ENF  //  ESFP in relation to ENFP


ESFP = IT F = E.xtraverted S.inner orientation with auxiliary function

ENFP = ENF = E.xtraverted I.nOrientation towards tuition with auxiliary function

Positive aspects

Both are energetic, enthusiastic, playful and carefree, have a natural talent for humor and fun and want to get as much out of life as possible. You are spontaneous, curious, resourceful and flexible and do not like to commit yourself to leave as many opportunities and options open to you as possible.

Both are sociable and talkative, approachable and friendly and have a very large circle of friends and acquaintances. You are generous, helpful, responsive to the feelings and needs of others, and are impulsive to help out a friend. They share their emotional life openly and cautiously with one another, including the vulnerable sides, and enjoy a warm emotional bond.

What the partner values ​​about ENF / ENFP:
Optimism, inexhaustible creativity, inventiveness; Ability to see new and interesting opportunities everywhere; Ability to grasp complex objects and see the deeper connections between them.

What the partner values ​​about ESF / ESFP:
Refreshingly uncomplicated, innocent, carefree; the ability to enjoy everything they do; the willingness to savor life to the full and also to take risks.

ENF can with the help of the partner loosen up, enjoy the present moment; worry less about potential problems; have more physical and sporting experiences and take more risks; Pay more attention to the details so that he / she makes fewer mistakes and remembers important steps in a process.

ESF can with the help of the partner look beyond the obvious and recognize the potential impact of his / her actions; Become more open to new ideas and keep an eye on the future.

The potential for frustration

IT F are extremely realistic and practice-oriented, concentrate on the concrete facts and have an excellent memory for the details and the exact sequence of experiences and experiences, especially in the human area.
ENF are highly imaginative and creative and always think primarily of the possibilities and what could be, while concrete facts and details often escape their attention.

IT F feel bored by the ENF's preference for abstract theories, consider their imaginative (in their eyes fantastic) ideas to be unrealistic and impracticable and object to the fact that ENFs are so vague and erratic in their thinking and speech and often stop in the middle of a sentence a new topic come up.
ENF often find that ESF are too long focused on the concrete, on unnecessary details and on the literal meaning, show too little interest in their ideas and future plans and quickly reveal factual errors.

IT F are more inclined than ENF to indulge in overly spontaneous pleasures and often appear reckless to their partners.
ENF are more likely than ESFs to be concerned about safety or health and are often viewed as overly pessimistic by their partners.

Both are inwardly emotion-oriented, appreciate and love one another, but also tend to react too personally to criticism and supposed rejection. When they get upset or angry, they tend to hold back their feelings and then it may take a while for them to calm down and come to terms with themselves. You would do well to consciously work through your problems before too much time passes and the gap between them becomes too great.

The emotional bond that the two of them care about can also be affected by the fact that they don't have enough quiet time for each other because of the many work or fun, or because they talk too much and listen too little to each other.

Both want to keep as many options open as possible and therefore postpone decisions, often so long that they miss opportunities or miss important appointments and appointments. In order to avert damage, at least one of the two has to take care of planning and financial management. The other then feels controlled and restricted, unless they come to terms with each other to avoid mutual frustration. Something similar can happen with housework, as nobody likes to tidy up and clean.

On the bulletin board:

Dear ENF partner, dear ENF partner (ENFP)

I am always impressed by your creativity and your eye for new possibilities and opportunities. I like to listen to you. However, I should resist the urge to say why I don't think the ideas are realistic and feasible. Rather, I should offer you cooperation in the implementation.

It's a shame that you talk about your feelings so seldom. I would like to participate more in your emotional life and would like to listen to you in an open and accepting way.

I am happy to listen to your specific topics and interests, even if they seem a little too abstract to me.

Your strong imagination often causes you to worry about the future. I will take your worries more seriously in the future and will not immediately say: "Don't worry unnecessarily!"

Dear ESF partner (ESFP)

I know and understand that my abstract nature sometimes bores you and seems aloof to you. I know your concrete and practice-oriented point of view and will try to be as concrete and realistic as possible in discussions with you. I also want to stop jumping from topic to topic quickly.

I will endeavor to deal carefully with facts and details, as well as income and expenses.

I will be more patient with your impulsiveness and also participate in some of the physical adventures and experiences that you enjoy.

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IT F in relation to EFN  //  ESFP in relation to ENFJ


ESFP = IT F = E.xtraverted S.inner orientation with auxiliary function

ENFJ = EFN = E.xtraverted GefOcular orientation with auxiliary function I.ntuition

Positive aspects

Both are active, energetic, sociable, very sociable, come alive when they are with many people and like to talk expressively about their experiences. Helpfulness and friendliness have high priority for both of them.

They are warm and caring, emotionally connected, can speak openly and freely about their feelings, and strive to understand each other better and better. They treat each other attentively, tenderly and sensitively and carefully avoid hurting each other. You enjoy a loving, stimulating and varied relationship.

What the partner values ​​about EFN / ENFJ:
Creativity, understanding of oneself and others; the ability to quickly identify unique relationships; eloquent, confident, organized; Optimism, faces the unknown with confidence.

What the partner values ​​about ESF / ESFP:
Very understanding, factual, practical; carefree, elegantly copes with everything; eager to help others.

EFN can with the help of the partner pay more attention to the realities of life, enjoy the beauty of everyday experiences; take some reasonable risks; be more flexible; Find a better balance between the strong urge to be productive and the need to relax.

ESF can with the help of the partner raise his / her personal and professional standards; organize yourself better and thereby become more efficient; consider new alternatives; think about the possible consequences of his / her actions; become more predictable and reliable.

The potential for frustration

IT F pay particular attention to realities and details.
EFN primarily seek the patterns and possibilities that lie behind the external appearances.

IT F are dissatisfied because their partners pay so little attention to important facts, carelessly skip necessary individual steps and focus their attention primarily on what could be and less on what really is. ESF also find their partners' vague and abstract ways of thinking and speaking frustrating.

EFN find it disturbing that their partners draw so little general conclusions from real events and experiences and that they only want to accept information that corresponds to their immediate experience.

IT F prefer to experience and discuss the present. They are more impulsive and playful than EFN, and often take risks that their partners find unsettling.
EFN however, plan for the future and like to indulge in their imagination.

IT F take every situation you find yourself in as it is.
EFN however, want to put every situation and every experience into a personal context. They have a strong need to serve a special mission in their life.
IT F are annoyed about this - as they think - lack of real sense and impartiality in their partners and find that they unnecessarily blow things up and look for a hidden meaning where there is none.

Another potential for conflict lies in the sensory (i.e. irrational, change-related) external orientation of the IT F and the feeling-oriented (i.e. rational, order-related) external orientation of the EFN:

IT F orientate themselves outwardly flexibly according to their momentary sensory impressions (IT) and only feel good when they can react spontaneously, impulsively and flexibly to whatever comes up. They do not want to be determined by decisions and plans, but rather to be able to seize their opportunities as they come. Accordingly, they also take up projects spontaneously and set them in motion, but lose interest in them when the planned implementation phase arrives. You experience external harmony in terms of comfort and flexibility.

EFN orientate themselves outwardly from their feelings (EF) and experience harmony above all as a harmonious emotional report. This emotional report, however, needs the secure basis of an orderly and planned environment in order not to be disturbed by surprises and turbulence. This gives rise to the need for the EFN to leave as little as possible open and indefinite, but rather to decide, determine and do everything quickly. This need for structure also includes order and cleanliness.

IT F often get annoyed about the supposed "obsession with order and cleanliness" of their partners and about their attempts to nail them down and to remind them of completion and punctuality.
EFN are often annoyed about the alleged "unreliability and sloppiness" of their partners and about the fact that they do little or no part in the housework.

Both adjust their behavior more to the feeling (iF at ESF and eF at EFN) than after the mind and therefore tend to take the partner's anger and dissatisfaction personally. However, their harmonious relationship is so important to them that they are reluctant to bring up their frustrations so that conflicts don't break out. On the other hand, both have and maintain the willingness to share their feelings. As a result, there is a chance that their relationship will not ultimately be undermined by unspoken frustrations.

On the bulletin board:

Dear EFN partner, dear EFN partner (ENFJ)

I admire your good ideas and innovative ideas and appreciate the deep meaningfulness that you bring into our lives.

I live so spontaneously and impulsively in the outside world and in the present that it is sometimes good for me to convey my inner feelings to you in word and deed.

I want to make my life a little tighter. I want to fulfill my obligations more consistently and stick to the decisions I have made. I will not try to change something suddenly or impulsively take a different direction that often.

I don't want to leave you in the dark so often where I am right now. When I say I'm going where I really want to be, and when I see I'm going to be late I'll call you.

I will also get used to being more orderly and tidying up behind me.

Dear ESF partner (ESFP)

I respect your need to hold your chances and gather a lot of information before you make up your mind. I will therefore not press you to make decisions.

I want to take part in some of your spontaneous suggestions more often and for this purpose I am ready to postpone the completion of projects.

I want to limit my tendency to neglect needs and desires. That is why I will decide more often to say clearly what I want and need.

Because you are so spontaneous and impulsive, my imagination sometimes runs wild. When I have doubts, I tend to exaggerate something. Basically, however, I am convinced that I can trust in your affection and loyalty.

I would like to take on some of your spontaneity and enjoy the joys of the present moment with you.

It is fun when you come up with something crazy or fancy occasionally, or when you bring delicious things home. I want to emulate you in this.

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IT F in relation to END  //  ESFP in relation to ENTP


ESFP = IT F= E.xtraverted S.inner orientation with auxiliary function

ENTP = END = E.xtraverted I.nOrientation towards tuition with auxiliary function D.think

Positive aspects

Both are active, energetic, flexible and uncomplicated and can sound out the ups and downs of life. They are quite impulsive and will react spontaneously to the pleasures and exciting opportunities that arise.

Both are sociable, thrive when around people, and have lots of friends and acquaintances. They are good companions and friends to each other and others, and they usually get along well even under stress.

What the partner values ​​about END / ENTP:
Charm, wit, creativity and unwavering confidence; quick thinking, improvisational skills; the ability to see more than what others believe is possible.

What the partner values ​​about ESF / ESFP:
Real warmth, deep and caring interest in others, relaxed approach to life, natural spirit of adventure. END like that their ESF partners are always ready and willing to help other people and to pamper their partners in all kinds of imaginative and sensual ways.

END can with the help of the partner better understand the needs and feelings of others; become more compassionate and less competitive; can pay more attention to the details in the immediate present, making fewer mistakes and enjoying the beauty of the moment more.

ESF can with the help of the partner become more assertive and independent of the opinions of others; can better stand up for himself; accept constructive criticism without taking it personally; Look ahead and be better prepared for the future.

The potential for frustration

IT F are highly realists, enjoy what the present moment has to offer without getting tired of the repetitive series of pleasurable experiences. At most, they get tired of the partner's lack of attention to the present moment.

END are always concerned with the opportunities that the future offers and enthusiastically seize every opportunity to develop something new and set it in motion. They find it frustrating that the partner is completely absorbed in the here and now and shows so little interest and willingness to help realize their plans and projects. But this is understandable insofar as END often seem like aloof dreamers and eternal plan makers to the others.

IT F always deal with the given details in their actions and proceed step by step.
END However, they are not patient with details, but quickly look for a comprehensive overview of the essentials of a new idea in order to recognize its future implementation possibilities and effects.

A constant source of frustration also arises from the fact that both are quite impulsive when it comes to spending money, reluctant to deal with a realistic family budget and therefore can get into financial difficulties and arguments again and again.

IT F and END usually to debate in a contradicting style, so that arguments can be quite stressful and bitter, because the secondary or auxiliary function with which they cope with everyday life is with IT F the F.ühlen, at END however that D.think.

END enjoy lively debates in which they like to play the devil's advocate. They let themselves be convinced by logic and seamless argumentation, hide feelings and therefore have thick skin.
IT F on the other hand, are very sensitive because they let their feelings and consideration for the needs of others guide them. You will therefore quickly feel hurt, and all the more so since END often speaks with a certain sharpness in his voice without noticing it.

END need discussions because they gain clarity and suggestions about their plans and projects. For END, the logical evidence is superior to the emotional consideration from the outset, so that they usually experience themselves as the “winner” of the debate.
IT F find this stressful and discouraging because they keep experiencing how their feelings are dismissed as unimportant and because they see no chance of being able to hold their own against the END partner.

So it is that IT F often surrender in order to maintain harmony and only insist on their point of view on things that are really important to them. END however, complain that the partner takes everything too personally. IT F find that the discussion partner is primarily concerned with victory and superiority, END miss a helpful and stimulating discussion partner. This dilemma can only lead to a mutual understanding of the other's characteristics.

On the bulletin board:

Dear END partner (ENTP)

Please feel free to cultivate your own interests and friendships.

I find your many ideas, suggestions and innovations very interesting and will be happy to listen to you and let me explain the connections and possible effects.

In return, I will try to give you insights into the feelings of other people and convince you of the advantages that you can gain in your professional and private life.

I have a habit of giving in too quickly. I have to learn better and better to collect and organize my thoughts so that I feel prepared to express my point of view calmly and calmly.

I need to practice my practical thinking skills and appreciate the clarity and decision-making ability I can gain by (1) defining each problem clearly, (2) considering all causes and possibilities, (3) weighing the pros and cons, ideally in writing, and finally (4) decide which solution is (relatively) the best.

I will be careful not to question your competence, especially in public. I will also refrain from pointing out errors in your thoughts and ideas.

Dear ESF partner (ESFP)

I have a wealth of ideas and ideas that I like to talk about in detail.However, these ideas can only be interesting and useful for you and for others if I only talk about those that are clearly realistic and if I can explain how these ideas actually work and what benefits they will bring.

Unfortunately, I have a tendency to run over my interlocutors in discussions and to exploit my intellectual superiority. This can do a lot of emotional damage, including the relationship itself.

My primary task is therefore to work on my emotional competence, to become more patient and compassionate, and to increase my EQ (Emotional Quotient).

I have to ask the other person how he or she is feeling and then just listen, patiently, understanding and accepting, not judging and not correcting. Then I can experience how much comfort, reassurance and inner clarification just listening can bring about.

If I can't understand or share the other person's feelings, I should just accept them. I must not reject them under any circumstances, I am not even supposed to tell the other what I would do if I were him or her.

It is important for our relationship that I focus my attention on personal, concrete and everyday things. Then I will see how much you do to make our life comfortable and happy, how good it is that you keep our finances in order, and also how good you look. Then my compliments will be really believable to you.

I will also notice how much it overloads you when I let you down with housework. I'll get involved practically, take on a fair share of the work and give you more free time. That means less frustration for you and better understanding for our relationship.

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IT F in relation to EDN  //  ESFP in relation to ENTJ


ESFP = IT F = E.xtraverted S.inner orientation with auxiliary function

ENTJ = EDN = E.xtraverted D.Orientation with auxiliary function Intuition

Positive aspects

Both have an almost inexhaustible energy and want to make the most of the day for their activities, each in his own way. They are very sociable people, friendly and talkative, like to comment on the day's events and need the conversation because the best thoughts come to them while talking.

What the partner values ​​about EDN / ENTJ:
Calm and competent self-confidence; the willingness to take on great challenges; the ability to organize complicated projects and find creative solutions to almost any problem; willingness to actively support the efforts and professional achievements of their ESF partners.

What the partner values ​​about ESF / ESFP:
Warmth, generosity, joie de vivre and caring. ESF are eager to please their partners and show their love and tenderness in diverse and imaginative ways.

EDN can with the help of the partner slow down, take time for calm relaxation; becoming a better listener, paying more attention to his / her family and personal relationships; become more aware of his / her feelings; Communicate and articulate fears and vulnerabilities more easily.

ESF can with the help of the partner become more organized and productive, become more assertive, express his / her opinions more decisively and clearly; see the big picture rather than get lost in details.

The potential for frustration

IT F are quite playful and prefer their private life to professional obligations wherever possible. Unless compulsory professional duties prevent this, they do not want to miss any opportunity for enjoyable activities, games and fun. You need and expect a lot of personal attention and opportunities to talk and quickly feel neglected and bitter when your partner is so absorbed in their job that he or she has little time for family.

EDN on the other hand, they feel called and empowered to take on the greatest possible responsibility in management positions that are as challenging as possible and, using all their energy, to set in motion and exploit the full performance and success potential of the largest possible units, companies and organizations. This is where they find their actual fulfillment in life, and everything else is experienced as secondary. They have no understanding of the casual zest for life and what they call the frivolous and crazy activities of their partner.

IT F live and react impulsively from their feelings, long for harmony and intimacy, have an excessive need for pronunciation, understanding and patient listeners and tend to take everything personally.

EDN have very few requirements for these needs. They are exceptionally factual and logical, have little patience with feelings and consider them to be downright disruptive and counterproductive. They see criticism - in contrast to their emotionally vulnerable partners - as constructive help and will therefore repeatedly hurt their partner's feelings without wanting to. While EDN find such "overreactions" annoying IT F hold on to hurts and disappointments for a long time.

Further frustrations arise from their different needs for order, planning and handling.

IT F would like to keep their home clean, but above all value relaxed, comfortable comfort that does not appear to be impaired by a little mess, but all the more through constant tidying up and cleaning.
EDN But above all they value order and feel very disturbed and impaired by disorder and a lack of organization.

IT F hardly think about the future, want to spontaneously seize the day's opportunities and love surprises, such as unexpected guests.
EDN want to keep their rituals and routines undisturbed and plan their days, weeks, months ahead.

IT F want to keep a wide range of opportunities open and need a lot of information before making decisions, especially in important matters.

EDN are extremely determined and responsible people who like to make quick and definitive decisions.

IT F therefore often feel controlled and driven, EDN on the other hand, they get angry about the many unfinished business and the indecision of their partners.

As refreshing and attractive as all these opposites may have been at the beginning, a fair and loving compromise is needed later in order to avoid endless arguments or indifferent coexistence.

On the bulletin board:

Dear EDN partner, dear EDN partner (ENTJ)

Your professional achievements and successes, your commitment and your leadership qualities repeatedly arouse my amazed admiration.

I appreciate your clear judgment and will always be happy to ask your advice.

I know how much repetition and overreaction get on your nerves, and I will try to be calm and clear in my expressions.

I will strive to work in a disciplined and efficient manner and complete projects that have already started.

I also want to be more reliable, keep promises, really be where I said I will be, and call when a delay arises.