How can I regain my lost hope

10 steps to regain ex

There is a realistic chance of winning your ex back if a tried and tested strategy is pursued as early as possible. It's also very important to avoid the 10 biggest mistakes almost everyone makes after a breakup. We have written this article so that our readers do not continue to grope in the dark, but instead have the greatest possible chance from today to embrace their great love again.

It is very likely that you are not doing well right now, you feel empty and you miss the person who recently made you very happy: your ex. Has your partner left you and you do not know what to do now should you? Then lovesickness is bound to bother you too much.

The most important thing now is not your ex, but. That's why we're going to show you how to get your lovesickness under control so that you will feel a little better from tomorrow. This is the only way you will be able to muster the necessary energy that you urgently need to recapture your better half.

Since the topic of "recovering ex" can be very complex and special, this article has become very detailed. This is how we want to answer all of your questions and make sure that you are perfectly prepared for anything that may come your way in the next few weeks. We, the team of Loving Penguin relationship counseling, discuss the following points in this article:

From today you have to actively use every single day to get closer to your ex-partner step by step. There will be many and who will decide whether you will soon have a happy future with your ex.

The key to success is the right preparation: If you know how to behave in different situations, such as when contacting your ex-partner, then you have every reason to be optimistic and hopeful.

Can I really get my ex back?

Of course, without knowing your case, we cannot say in general that you are guaranteed to win your ex back. But we are very optimistic that you can do it too. There are two good reasons for our optimism:

  • Your ex has fallen in love with you before. So you have all the prerequisites for your ex to fall in love with you one more time. With a little luck and a few good tips, your ex will feel even stronger emotions for you than last time.
  • Our strategy has saved a great many relationships in the past. Again and again there were very hopeless cases in which the person concerned had already lost all hope. Fortunately, these readers also changed their minds and tried to recapture.

We believe that fighting for your ex is always worthwhile. You don't meet many people in life who you admire and respect so much that you want to be with them for a long time, maybe even a lifetime. Finding such a person is something very special that you should definitely not just “throw away” if there is still a way to win this person back. A fulfilled love and relationship is the most beautiful thing you can wish for in life.

In order for your life to be fulfilled and happy again soon, it is also essential that you do not make any of the typical 10 mistakes. More on that in a moment.

The golden rule of contact

There are many rules and tips that you need to follow from now on so that your recapture plan can succeed. The right dose of contact has a very big influence on your chances. When in doubt, less is more here. We have been dealing with the topic for years "Recover Ex" dealt with, read a lot of specialist books and attended many seminars. Everyone agrees on one thing: You have to reduce contact with your ex-partner from now on. You may find that very difficult, but unfortunately there is no way around it.

There are different views as to whether it is better to break off contact completely (Contact lock) or only to restrict it (Changeover contact). Many strategies make it very easy for themselves and recommend breaking off the contact completely, but we consider this recommendation to be unprofessional and unfair to you. After all, you are currently fighting for one of the most important people in your life.

In many cases, blocking contact is indeed the right step, but there are also some cases where it won't drive your ex back into your arms, on the contrary, it will only increase the distance between you.

A very simple and obvious example here is, for example, that your ex broke up with you because you hardly saw each other, you were very involved in your job, or you paid him or her too little attention. In such a case, you run the risk that your ex-partner will only feel confirmed in his decision by your contact ban. But you want to achieve exactly the opposite: Your ex-partner should start to doubt his decision to split up as soon as possible.

Therefore, you should consider both the complete contact blocking and the changeover contact strategy for your case and carefully consider which of the two strategies is more promising. In some cases it is impossible to completely block contacts from the outset, e.g. if you work together or have children together.

If you decide on the right strategy, it is very likely that your ex will contact you occasionally or very often. Of course that's a very good sign, but it's important that you stay “on the carpet” during these moments, yours Emotions under control and always give your ex-partner the impression that you and him lead a very happy life even without him YOU Have to convince that you give him another chance.

The real reasons for separation

Knowing and understanding the real reasons for separation can be very important and helpful. In the majority of cases, your ex broke up with you. But there are also cases in which you broke up with your ex-partner, changed your mind and now want him back.

It is not a nice feeling to be abandoned by the person who means a lot to you and whom you love. The breakup hurts a lot, your self-esteem may have suffered and you have to think about whether and how to tell your friends and family about the breakup. We can understand you very well and we would like to take a look at your breakup with you and better understand the reasons for it.

Please don't blindly trust that the reasons your ex used to explain the breakup are the real reasons for the breakup. Often your ex-partner withholds important reasons for separation because he doesn't want to hurt you, wants to avoid discussions or is not really sure why he doesn't want to be with you anymore.

Some of the typical reasons for separation are:

This reason for separation hurts. Even after many years in relationship counseling, we still find it difficult to have to tell our readers that their ex no longer feels (strongly enough) attracted to them visually and / or emotionally. Unfortunately, in your case too, your ex will no longer desire you as much as you deserve it. We must and will change that. Please do not be discouraged at this point. It's up to you to rebuild the physical and emotional attraction needed to make your ex fall in love with you again.
“It's not you, it's me. I love it so much, but I just need some time for myself right now. "
Such sentences are very common in a breakup. Sometimes they are true, sometimes they are just pushed forward by our ex-partner in order not to have to talk about the other, real reasons for the separation. Either way, you have to make it clear to your ex-partner what he wants, namely you!
That's a slap in the face. It's hard enough that you just lost your great love. The fact that she is now meeting another man or woman is incredibly difficult to cope with. Not only is this going to hurt you a lot, but it may also make you very angry.
Even if the new partner does not make the situation any easier, there are a variety of tips and approaches to convince your ex of you again in the end.
Opinions on the frequency of cheating in a relationship vary widely. While some studies claim that cheating occurs in up to 60% of relationships, other studies come to the conclusion that "only" about 25% of relationships are affected by cheating.
We hope that you have not been cheated on by or cheated on by your ex and now regret it. Should it be the case, some things have to be rebalanced and trust rebuilt. Your ex and you now have to find out for yourself what you've had with each other and you have to fight for your relationship and your happiness.

Why do you want to get back together with your ex?

We have already talked a little about how you can win your ex back and what you need to consider. But before you start putting your recovery plan into action, you should first ask yourself why you want to be with your ex again.

Usually our readers have reasonable reasons to want to fight for their relationship and their ex. But sometimes it is also advisable to let your ex go because the reasons for a recapture are the wrong ones.

wanting to win back his / her ex are:

  • Because you can't be alone.
  • Because you are afraid that you will not find a new partner.
  • Because you are financially dependent on your ex-partner.
  • Because you've been together for so long.
  • Out of sheer pride.
  • Because your friends and family loved your ex so much.

are however e.g .:

  • Because you genuinely love your ex.
  • Because the two of you are a perfect match.
  • Because you only broke up because of a big argument, even though everything else in your relationship was just right.
  • Because the two of you were very happy together.
  • Because there is no one for you who is such a dear, admirable and unique person as your ex.

What do you have to do during the changeover contact strategy or contact blocking?

In the next few days your ex will be significantly less (Changeover contact strategy) or not see at all (Contact lock). But that doesn't mean that we have nothing to do for you during this time 😉 On the contrary, we have some tasks for you!

As a reminder, here are the four most important points of the golden rule of contact:

Contact rules
  • Do not call your ex-partner, write very few or no WhatsApp or Facebook messages, emails, etc.
  • Don't spy on your ex. We recommend that you worry about it as little as possible. Don't succumb to the temptation to check his Facebook page every day to see what he's up to and with whom he's meeting.
  • If your ex tries to get in touch with you on his / her own initiative, be friendly but distant.
  • For example, if your ex is talking about you to friends, ignore what he / she is saying and don't let yourself be influenced. (even if he should say things that hurt you very much)

Also, please avoid the following things:

error
  • Don't lock yourself up at home and just lie in bed all day.
  • Control your eating habits: Neither too much nor too little is good.
  • Don't try to use alcohol to use alcohol to hide your grief.
  • Your ex isn't the only interesting topic of conversation. Don't just talk to your friends about your ex every free minute of the day.

Now that you know the most important things you should NOT do, we can focus on your real task. At the center of this task is none other than yourself. From today we want you to actively use every day to work on yourself.

It is very likely that your ex will ask about you one or more times in the near future. If he does, you have to surprise him. As soon as your ex sees what a full, interesting life you lead and that you have become even more attractive, he / she will feel admiration and affection for you.

How do you arouse attraction and admiration in your ex?

There are a number of tips and measures you can take to make your ex-partner long for you again and want to spend their life with you. You can change in the following two categories:

  • Changes in your appearance
  • Changes in your life / everyday life

Changes in your appearance

You are free to decide whether you just want to change small details in your appearance, or maybe you want to try a completely new style. You are also welcome to get help from a professional type advisor. But one thing above all else is important: You have to be comfortable.

You can change the following things about your appearance:

  • Change your dress style.
  • Get in shape. (preferably about a sport that you enjoy a lot)
  • Eat healthy.
  • Care and pamper your body (with good skin creams, perfumes and other wellness products)

All of these tips apply to both men and women. Even if you are a man, you can still take care of your skin a little and eat healthy. You can believe us when we tell you that these measures will have a very positive effect.

Changes in your life and your everyday life

This point is the same: On the one hand, it ensures that your ex will shortly see you in a completely different light, and on the other hand, it helps you to keep your lovesickness under control and to give you the strength you need to win back the most important person in your life.

You can change an incredible number of things in your life. At this point we would like to concentrate on the suggestions that can also be implemented quickly and easily. But that doesn't mean you should only consider these suggestions. It is entirely up to you what you want to change. For example, if you'd like to look for a job, please start right away. We just don't put suggestions like this on our list because most of our readers cannot easily change jobs within a short period of time.

The best suggestions for making changes to your life are:

  • Find at least one new hobby! Learn a musical instrument, learn a language, start cooking, read a book, draw, play chess, etc.
  • Doing sports! That too is of course in Hobby. Sport should be an integral part of your life from now on at the latest. You cannot imagine the enormous influence sport has not only on your physical but also on your mental well-being.
  • Maintain social contacts! Meet up with your friends and family regularly. You are also welcome to look for new contacts, e.g. through one of your new hobbies or social networks and dating sites.
  • Spoil yourself! Treat yourself every now and then and have fun. Go out to eat in a delicious restaurant, go shopping or just spontaneously go on a weekend trip.
  • Flirt! Yes, you are still on the right side here. Of course we know that you want to win your ex back and are not looking for a new partner. But flirting helps you build your self-esteem and get some practical experience in dealing with the opposite sex. We are sure: Your new flirting skills will help you enormously at the next meeting with your ex.
    PS: In the age of the internet it is very easy to get a little flirting experience. You can even remain anonymous if you wish. We recommend that you simply register once on a partner exchange.

Our for sorrowful days: If you can't stand it at all in a day and the thought of your ex threatens to overwhelm you, then write down your thoughts in a letter or diary. IMPORTANT: Your thoughts are only meant for you. Under no circumstances should you send your letter to your ex!

Contacting your ex: this is how it works

If you follow our tips, there is a good chance that your ex will get in touch with you. But sooner or later you too will have to contact your ex on your own initiative. As soon as the time comes, there are a few important rules you should follow.

Opinions as to which is the best way to contact are very far apart. While some "experts" advise writing a long letter (which we strongly advise against!), again recommend others to "accidentally" run into their ex-partner on the street.

With the right type of contact there is no blanket "correct" and "not correct". It all depends on the situation, your strengths and weaknesses, and your ex-partner. Here some examples:

  • Are you very charming and funny? Then you will be able to shine on a phone call or a face-to-face meeting.
  • Are you a bit shy and small talk isn't your forte? Then it may be easier for you to write a text message or an email.
  • Is your ex-partner still friendly to you? Then he will answer both a phone call and a text message.
  • Has your ex-partner blocked all contact so far? Then he'll likely just ignore a text message and the only way to get him to pay attention to you again with a phone call or a personal walk-through.

The 4 ways of contact

If you want to get in contact with your ex, you can choose between one of the following four ways. Of course, you can and should, for example, with a Changeover contact strategy also like to mix:

We advise against writing a letter to your ex-partner. A letter is very intimate and personal. If your ex-partner suddenly and completely unexpectedly receives a letter from you, he will feel harassed by you and interpret your letter as a declaration of love.
There are only a few exceptions when you should write a letter. So can a letter in the last stage of our Ex-back strategy be the right remedy. If your ex has shown very strong feelings for you for a long time, you can finally win him back with a letter.
Even if your ex vehemently blocks all other contact attempts, a letter can be the last resort to reach him or her and write what you think.
In all other situations you should refrain from sending a letter.
Text messages have the great advantage that you can calmly think about what to write and how to answer your ex-partner. You can also break up text messages using (funny) photos, pictures and videos and communicate feelings using smileys. (Danger: Please do not send hearts or the like).
The text message is also the easiest and most "relaxed" way to contact you. Your ex doesn't feel pressured and can answer calmly as soon as he has some time.
However, the text message also has an important one disadvantage: As soon as you write to your ex-partner, the ball is with him and you are condemned to passivity. If he doesn't answer you, sooner or later you will have to get in touch with him a second or third time. This shows your ex that he is in control. It will automatically save your many messages as Chasing after classify.
Of course, an unanswered text message also has an impact on your emotional well-being: You will keep wondering whether he even got your message and whether he read it. Every buzz and beep of your handset startles you. This mental agony can quickly ruin your plans for recapture.
The big advantage of the phone call is that it is much more personal than a text message. Accordingly, you can achieve a lot more in a phone call than in a text message.
If you get along well, laugh together and have fun talking to each other, then all memories of you and you will suddenly come back to your ex-partner. He will feel just as good as you after the phone call and will think of you.
However, this advantage can quickly become a disadvantage: There is no guarantee that a call will go well. Likewise, a phone call can be mediocre to poor. Especially in the latter case, your ex-partner is happy when he can hang up and only feels confirmed in his decision to part with you.
While the course of a conversation can usually be checked very well by text message, a phone call is very spontaneous. If you can't come up with a suitable answer or if you don't know what to say, it can quickly lead to an uncomfortable silence.
Usually a face-to-face meeting is the result of being contacted via text message, phone call or, in rare cases, a letter. But you can also choose to run into your ex-partner seemingly completely random. It is also a way of going straight to his home without prior notice.
Similar to the phone call, the advantage of the personal meeting is that you can impress your ex-partner with your charm, your charisma and of course your appearance and convince them of you. In the best case, you get along great and you leave a lasting impression.
But even here things can turn out completely different: If you or your ex had a bad day, the meeting can also be rather unpleasant.
A very successful type of face-to-face meeting that we are always happy to recommend is a meeting with mutual friends. This can be planned either “randomly” or openly. It is important that the official reason for meeting friends is NEVER you or your ex, but always the mutual friends or a joint activity. You don't want your ex to get the idea that you are trying to win them back through your friends.
The advantage of this special kind of face-to-face meeting is obvious: You can, but don't have to, talk to your ex-partner. When things go well, you talk a little more, when things go bad, you just talk to your friends. There is also a subtle way of reminding your ex of you and showing him what he's lost in you.

All or nothing: your new, first date

You are now almost at your destination. After you have implemented all of our recommendations, the moment will come when you want to meet your ex on your first, new date.

Depending on the starting point, you can either do this in a very subtle way, or you have to be very direct. We recommend combining both types in the following way.

Strategy 1: The spontaneous meeting

As the name suggests, in this case you will spontaneously contact your ex-partner. You can do this either by phone or by text message, although a call has important advantages here.

The strategy is as simple as it is efficient: You ask your ex:

"Hi! I just happened to be in the area thinking of you. Do you want to have a coffee? "

Of course, there is no guarantee that your ex will accept an impromptu meeting. Maybe he or she isn't home at all or is busy at the moment. But you have to and can take this risk with peace of mind. Because the big advantage of this strategy is that if you reject it, you can try again with the following strategy 2 without losing face.

Strategy 2: The planned meeting

This strategy is as simple as it sounds: You don't spontaneously call your ex-partner, but plan a meeting with him in a few days. You can do this either by phone, text message, or email.

This strategy allows your ex-partner to calmly plan your meeting and suggest a suitable date. However, a "no" at this point hurts particularly, because with a "no" your ex-partner clearly indicates that he does not want to see you at the moment.

What should you do if your ex refuses a meeting?

You should prepare well for this situation. Although we are convinced that you have a very good chance of meeting your ex at this point, you have to be perfectly prepared just in case.

Therefore, mentally grapple with the possibility that he or she will decline a meeting. If this happens, don't despair or be shocked.

Your ex will tell you something like: