Depressed people become passive over time
Depression in a partnership - what does it do to our love?
"Can Depressed People Love?" Maybe you've been asking yourself this question lately. For example, it is forced upon you if your partner withdraws from you again without a reason. Or reacting annoyed to well-intentioned suggestions from you and rejecting you with hurtful words. It hurts. It also hurts when you watch how depressed and passive the person you love can get. Depression can be the cause of his behavior. And although you are aware of this, you are not always good at dealing with the situation. Do you often ask yourself whether it even makes sense to hold on to the partnership? The depression always seems to be on board. Are you still loved Can you love a partner when they are depressed?
Depression often upsets the whole of life as it was known before. If the person you love is depressed, both suffer - just in different ways. It takes a lot of strength to watch your beloved partner torment themselves. The constant tightrope walk between accompanying but not suffering, between wanting to help but not being responsible can be overwhelming.
How depression can change people
Partners of depressed people have experiences similar to yours. It takes a lot of strength to deal with a partner who hardly has the strength to cope with everyday life. Who even feels mostly worthless, weak and infinitely tired. Who apparently can no longer be interested in others and certainly no longer in you, because he lacks the strength for that too.
Where has that enthusiasm gone that you love about him? Where is the glow in his eyes that you noticed when he looked at you? How exhausted and empty it seems overall.
I can calm you down. All of this is still in him. The enthusiasm, the love or his special humor that made you feel that everything in life also has a funny side. However, a depressed person temporarily gets lost in negative thoughts that run through loops and can constantly revolve around the same topic. Tormenting thoughts, emptiness and brooding leave little room for you or joie de vivre.
For example, depression can appear as
- as passivity
- as speechlessness
- some form of anger
- Withdrawal from loved ones like you
Hardly any depression has the same effect on the outside world as the others. Because the appearance of the disease is linked to the sick person. Of their individuality. The label “depressed” that we attach to a partner is not a single quality. It is a collection of different behaviors that affect you. They seem strange to you because you thought you knew your partner differently.
In the past, was he ever disinterested when you made a suggestion? Did he feel pressured because you wanted an answer from him?
You are dealing with a partially changed person. This is where you will have to start if you want to find a suitable approach to the situation.
Why acceptance is key
The depression changes your partner. You don't notice that all the time and every minute of the day, but more and more often. However, it makes little sense for you to complain about how this person was before. Right now he's depressed and he's desperate for himself inside. He can't pull himself together. He has an illness. That doesn't mean he doesn't love you anymore. But now it can often be that he has no strength for your concerns. He needs all his strength for himself and his healing.
Depressed people often become speechless, especially when it comes to feelings.
That can hurt you. But believe that he is not saying something to hurt you. Nor is he silent to hurt you. He can't help it at the moment. Maybe he also wants to protect you by rejecting you. Because he believes that in his condition he cannot do you justice.
There is something seemingly selfish about depression. But only because the depressed person is struggling to survive inside. He has to tackle his own inner emptiness and concentrate completely on himself. Accepting him in this moment for how he feels is the best that you can do for him and yourself.
What self-care means
You cannot cure your partner of depression. What you often mean in a friendly way doesn't have to be good for him. Being depressed cannot be switched on and off like a light switch. So it is of no use to either of you trying to heal it.
Leave his depression with him. He feels even smaller, more humiliated and worthless than he already does now. Rather, you will have to make a fundamental decision.
These questions can help you:
- Do you want this partnership even if your partner is depressed?
- Do you keep loving him
- Can you put your own interests aside for once?
- On the other hand, can you take care of yourself, do not overwhelm yourself and do not allow yourself to be drawn into the vortex of someone else's depression?
If you can answer “yes” to these questions, your love has a chance even under the influence of depression. You choose to give that affection a chance of success. Consciously and from the heart. And the most important thing is that you don't give up on yourself.
Conclusion: what does depression do to love in a relationship?
Your partner is good when you can listen to them. When you are there, but can also accept his need for more space for yourself. If you take him as he is in the moment.
You also take care of yourself, do not burn out in your concern for him. You won't let him hurt you because you understand that his rude rejection is what is talking about depression. You can set reasonable boundaries even in this difficult situation.
Can Depressed People Love? They can. You can assume that your feelings may deepen as you survive his depressive episode together. Because it is love that sees the other as he is and continues to exist. Perhaps the most honest form.
It is precisely in these moments that it is important to give support and appreciation to the depressed partner. It often helps to think that someone is there to comfort, listen, calm and give strength.
You can find more helpful articles on the topics of love, relationship & dating in the online guide Dear Sea.
Always remember: Love is a Nevertheless and no Because.
All the best,
Do you actually know how strong you are
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