Do the teachers notice the calm children

Introvert or extrovert - what is normal?

Why is our child so introverted?

Introverts and extroverts

Different temperaments can already be recognized in children as early as infancy. Some children are bursting with vigor and are constantly physically active, while others appear calm and balanced. The older a child gets, the more it developstypical personality traits and traits. Often one speaks of extroverted or introverted children.

But why are parents especially concerned when their child is behaving in an introverted manner? What aspects does introverted behavior actually include and how can parents deal with it? The following guide is intended to provide a little bit of information and help.

Is my child an introvert?

Scientific consideration

Carl Gustav Jung, a Swiss psychiatrist, is considered the founder of analytical psychology. Hedefines extraversion as the preference for the direct experience with people and things, introversion as the preference of the inner world with the examination of the meaning of the experiences and the interpretation of the experiences.

Based on his theories, a three-digit type code is used in Germany with regard to the personality of a person. This means that the personality code can be represented using three letters. Here Jung differentiates betweenExtra and introversion, which are identified by the first letter. The second letter refers to the dominant function (also leading function), in which betweenThinking, feeling, sensation and intuition a distinction is made. The third letter represents the secondary function (also auxiliary function). Sixteen different personality profiles result from this scheme, so that it can be assumed thatIntrovertedness and extrovertedness do not show equally in every person and are each influenced by other aspects.

David West Keirsey, an American psychologist and professor, became known for his work on the further development of the type code with regard to the temperament classification into sixteen types.

He recognized four basic temperaments: the actionist with extraverted sense orientation, the traditionalist with introverted sense orientation, the idealist with intuition and feeling in combination, and the rationalist who combines feeling and thinking.

Ultimately, this observation makes it clear that people labeled as introverted can behave differently in various situations.

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What type is my child?

Extra- or introvertedness manifests itself in different, typical behavior:

Extraverted Children (E)
- are considered sociable and active
- need constant movement, otherwise they will be bored
- talk a lot, usually there are other thoughts added when speaking
- can make casual contact with almost everyone and chat with them
- often act spontaneously and actively participate in events
- must be shown boundaries with regard to their behavior
- feel particularly comfortable when they receive attention and are the focus

Introverted Children (I)
- need rest in order to be able to process what has been experienced
- need longer regeneration time after interactions in order to recharge their "batteries"
- They quickly appear exhausted when there are many people around them and it is relatively loud, one or two teammates are enough for them
- would like to think carefully and for longer before speaking. Since others often react more quickly, these children often seem inhibited and shy, as they often no longer have a say
- can not chat easily; unless it's about one of their favorite subjects
- prefer to observe events from a distance and only participate once they have understood the situation
- sometimes seem disinterested and not very committed, especially when you force them to come out of themselves
- don't want to be the center of attention because it makes them uncomfortable

However, other aspects also influence personality type. A distinction must be made between whether the child is sensory or more intuitive. There are also thought-oriented and emotion-oriented children. This results in eight basic types for children, four each with an extraverted and an introverted temperament.

Among the introverted types, a distinction is made between the introverted thinking type (ID), the introverted feeling type (IF), the introverted intuition type (IN) and the introverted sensation type (IS).

Thought-Oriented Children (D) can be persuaded by logic, can express themselves directly, clearly and comprehensibly, rarely take anything personally, consistently take measures and like to express their opinions quite bluntly.

Emotional Children (F) are considered to be very sensitive and compassionate, need a lot of praise and encouragement and take many things personally, are usually tactful with others and do not want to hurt anyone, are indulgent and need harmony.

Intuitive Children (N) are considered to be extremely creative and imaginative, often break new ground in solving problems, are very curious and examine their environment in a variety of ways, like to rely on their intuitions and assumptions and prefer unusual activities and games.

Sensory Children (S) are considered practical and realistic, accept and need fixed rules and step-by-step instructions, work consistently and purposefully and trust in experiences that have already been made.

This results in three typical preferences:E.xtroverted or I.ntroverted?S.internally oriented or iNtuition-oriented? D.enkorientiert or geF.mind-oriented? Depending on the sequence of the letters, this results in the control function and the auxiliary function. The second letter in each case denotes the life-determining guiding function. When this leading function is combined with introversion, the third function (the third letter) is applied extravertly.

Furthermore, a distinction must now be made between judgment-oriented and perception-oriented children.

Assessment Oriented Children require fixed structures and rules and are based on them, quickly solve problems with the help of quick decisions and are considered to be very responsible.

Perceptual children see rules as restrictive and prefer to react flexibly and spontaneously. In addition, they are often seen as impulsive and playful and rarely finish projects.


Not every person and not every child corresponds exactly to one of these types. In various studies of personality tests, the distribution of affiliation is not divided into two parts: extra and introversion, but that most people with different characteristics are in the middle (they are ambiverted). This means,there are mixed types with different behavior patterns and temperaments. For example, a different type will often emerge in professional life than in private life. This can be the same with children. Children who appear to be more extroverted in their home environment may well show different behavioral patterns in social institutions such as school, daycare or sports clubs (and vice versa). Therefore it is extremely difficult to classify a person in exactly one type.

Does my child need help?

Extra and introversion in society

It seems difficult to survive as an introvert in today's society. Already in kindergarten and school, care is taken to develop social skills, which are often equated with the fact that a child has to interact with other children in many situations.

Especially in school, children get worse grades who communicate less. In most cases, teachers assume that this student does not participate enough (or only passively) in the lesson. However, active participation in the form of presentation and verbal actions is required.

Ultimately, it is a question of career choice, in which the ability to work in a team is generally considered to be important.

It is in the nature of things that the extroverted behavior of many people significantly shapes society.

Despite everything, introverted people also have a place here. For example, quiet, calm children sometimes achieve very creative achievements with approaches that lead entire groups on new ways to deal with conflicts or problems.

In later professional life there are also many professional fields for introverted people in which they do not have to constantly work together with other people. For example, many scientific professions have suitable jobs for these people. Even in the media or in an office as a clerk, introverted people can find their place and also achieve top performance without constantly being in the limelight or having to present themselves and above all through the acceptance of being able to do their work alone and in peace .

My child in society

Parents who are concerned about their introverted child should accept thatChild is neither unhappy nor sick. It is just different and still feels good when no other events affect the physical or mental health. (Pathological manifestations can, however, be diagnosed by psychiatrists.) For these children it is even imperative to have some rest, time to regenerate and to realize their own ideas in order to stay healthy. This requires a high level of understanding and empathy, especially from parents and in society.

Even introverted children can have a large circle of friends, but they treat their friends differently. Children in particular often have enough sensitivity to openly encounter the otherness of others and to take other paths with such a child, especially when it comes to play activities. Introvertedness can therefore be better described as sensitive and does not automatically go hand in hand with “alone”, “passive” or “arrogant”. Highly sensitive children are often seen by other, more extroverted children as popular partners for research, discovery and invention.

However, due to social structures in which the extroverted behavior has a formative effect, introverted people are sometimes also marginalized. In some cases, the strong withdrawal behavior is pityed or referred to as pathological, so that even children are subject to high pressure.Here it is the task of society to take greater account of the needs and individuality of each person. Therefore, there is an immense need for adequate education regarding different personality types and structures. Particular attention must also be paid to this with regard to the training of pedagogical specialists.

Attempts to re-educate and turn more introverted into extroverted children are doomed to failure. The basis for this is the innate personality structure that every person has. Studies of identical twins raised in separate environments have shown that basic structures are in place at birth. The social environment as well as the influence exerted by upbringing only show how different the extent of introversion or extroversion is.

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What does everyday family life look like with an introverted child?

Introverted children show a wide variety of characteristics within their behavior. It is obvious that it can lead to conflicts, especially in interaction with other, more extroverted family members. It is therefore recommended that parents deal with the different characteristics in the personality structure of their children in order to create mutual understanding.

Typical conflict situations develop in such a way that especially quiet, withdrawn children can feel disturbed in their regeneration phase by a sibling who is rather loud and physically active. Conversely, an active child may constantly challenge the calm child to interact, but not be heard. This can lead to conflicts of a similar nature over and over again, in which the introverted child withdraws even more frequently, while the extroverted child often fails to find a solution to the problem.Here, parents are challenged to give the introverted child space for their own feelings and to create a different balance for the extroverted child, for example in the form of visiting a sports club or making an offer to invite friends to play.

Parents have to pursue different ways of addressing them and also different goals within the upbringing of their different children.

Once parents have realized that one of their children is a more introverted type, it helps a lot with the upbringing both inside and outside the family. Introverted children must first understand their personal needs. For parents, this means first and foremost a lot of patience. Introverted children need a lot of time for themselves, relaxation phases, in order to recharge the battery. Parents can control this by telling the childAllow regular time-outs and admit, for example, when other children in the family play and romp loudly and the introverted child feels annoyed as a result and reacts aggressively as a result. In such situations, the child feels constricted and their integrity violated, so that all they end up trying to do is defend their position. Parents should therefore rebuke the child in physical confrontations and, above all, explain to him that such conflicts can be resolved verbally. It must be explained to the other children that the child simply needs rest and distance to be well.

Introverted children also need a lot of time to think. They think through processes thoroughly before they can communicate decisions. This time should be given to them, because even if this process is interrupted from the outside, it can lead to aggressive actions. It is therefore advisable to show the child that you are interested in their decision, but not to urge them to make a decision as quickly as possible.

The same applies to activities that the introverted child carries out. Interrupting it in a flow of playing, inventing, and researching leads to imbalance, conflict and a bad atmosphere. If the child plays with concentration or persists in doing something else, they should be there if possiblenot be interrupted.

The needs of all children in a family cannot always be fully taken into account. However, it is wise to allow the time and space, especially for an introverted child, to keep the battery charged at all times. This does not always prevent conflicts, but it helps that these conflicts do not develop into massive family problems.

With regard to other social institutions such as day care centers and schools, parents should take their responsibility seriouslyinform everyone involved in the upbringing of the personality structure of their child. Associated with this is the desire to be considerate, especially in group activities in which introverted children tire quickly and need opportunities to retreat or sometimes a break. Educational conversations sometimes work wonders here and help meet the needs of every child and avoid unnecessary conflicts.