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Parents are no longer the best confidants during puberty. Even if young people are still very fond of their parents, they are much more critical of their behavior and attitudes. In their eyes, younger siblings understand nothing of what concerns them, older siblings have too much to do with themselves. Best friends also lack answers to burning questions that surround teenagers. Young people often feel that they have not been understood.
A good person to talk to during these years - especially with girls - can also be a doctor whom they can trust. Doctors are familiar with the physical and mental development of young people. Changes that worry them are almost always due to development. Pediatricians offer their own youth health advice.
Books can also be important helpers during this time. In books on puberty one finds z. B. something about physical changes, about contraception and unwanted pregnancies, but they also deal with the doubts, conflicts and great moments that almost everyone experiences during this time.
Comparison with others
Adolescents don't want to be constantly compared to other children. Parents use this to express their dissatisfaction and believe that they can influence the development of their child by choosing appropriate role models. However, the young person is usually only disappointed and unsettled. You should accept your child as it is. Every child is different, especially during puberty.
Freedom, independence and responsibility
An adolescent is in search of his own personality. To be able to develop this, he needs freedom. But living freedom also means bearing the consequences of these actions. Those who turn night into day are tired the next morning. And if you throw your laundry on the floor instead of in the laundry basket, you will eventually have nothing clean to wear. Many consequences arise of their own accord. The children have a right to experience these consequences, they are part of their freedom.
Dealing with rules
Conflicts cannot be avoided in parenting, and adolescents often seek them out. In these conflicts, the needs and values of parents and children should be on an equal footing. Solutions should be worked out together. If rules are drawn up, the consequences of a rule violation should be discussed at the same time. These should also be enforced. If the children decide to break the rules, they also choose the consequences. If the consequences do not change your behavior, you should sit down again. It must be clarified whether the child does not want to stick to the rules or whether they are overwhelmed with them.
The children develop very quickly during these years, and rules should be adjusted regularly. A going out regulation that still works today may be outdated and inappropriate tomorrow.
Friends - or the bad company
Puberty is a time of change in which young people shape their worldview. This includes getting an impression of many aspects of society. As a rule, they choose their environment themselves. The adolescents discuss many issues of daily life with their friends. Part of the process of detachment is also that the parents are no longer so involved. The young people seek understanding from like-minded people in their circle of friends.
If parents are concerned about their interactions with children, parents should be open about their reasons. However, you should avoid devaluing your friends, as doing so will hurt your children's feelings. Rather, they should show that they trust their children. This strengthens self-esteem and makes them less susceptible to bad influences. The adolescents often have the same concerns about retreating under pressure from their parents, but this would amount to a loss of face.
Acceptance and respect
Parents often have very specific ideas about what their children should and should not do. But you can't shape it the way you would like it to be. Children are individuals. And they want to be accepted by their parents with all their good and bad sides. Show interest in what your child is concerned with and show willingness to talk. It's not about saying goodbye to everything. But it's about accepting people and always standing behind them. Encounter your child with love even in difficult situations and explain why you are, e.g. B. cannot approve of aggressive behavior.
Everybody makes mistakes
In the heat of the moment or in everyday stress, everyone acts spontaneously and without thinking about it. Afterwards, a remorseful conscience plagues you. But what prevents you from apologizing when it comes to your own child? In this way, parents can show their children how to deal with mistakes - and that everyone makes a mistake. That makes them more human and likeable in the eyes of their children and has nothing to do with inconsistency.
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