Does it make sense to live with parents

Mama column: To all parents - does a child give meaning to life? What bullshit!

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A child doesn't always make you happy. (Symbolic picture) Image: E + / milorad kravic

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Mother unpacks: "Thanks for nothing! About my life with a child"

"Relentlessly honest" - the mom column without an Insta filter

One of the mother phrases that I find scary: The child gave my life meaning. I then ask myself how bleak your life must have been so far, if this is your fulfillment now? Haven't you enough yourself Weren't you enough as a couple?

Then I ask myself what happens when the meaningful being moves out again at some point. But in concrete terms: where exactly is the meaning in life with a child? My husband once said that he would find it sad if he didn't leave any traces and if things that he was building up now were at some point in vain. So is it about something bigger, what remains when we leave this earth?

"If I were dead and childless, I wouldn't give a shit."

Of course, I would find it a shame if I had pasted photos for free for years. But honestly, if I were dead and childless, I wouldn't give a shit. Life would be over, done. Nice, no, it would have been super nice in the best case. I don't have the deep desire to pass on something about yourself, to shape a person, to convey my values ​​to them.

You can be happy even without children

Maybe I'm too humble to assume that without my genes the world would be poor. And if no one is there, there is no stress of making these people particularly successful. That being said, there are many ways to leave your mark: with your own novel, a label you founded yourself, or perhaps just with a recipe that is passed on.

Parent-friends shouldn't say out loud that a childless life could also be a happy one. They get really mad. Because they are so convinced of the meaningful concept of children that other life plans seem to have no more room. What I often hear then: "But you've already got through it all, partying, going out, traveling."

"Now I lead a life with a child that I would never shape voluntarily. No, that means I have nothing for a long time. My life is just stuck on the pause button."

Well, I'm still far from having anything. Because I am far away from all magical places in the world, even after intensive travel. I will always celebrate the perfect rosé moment in which all thoughts dissolve. Likewise, I can't get enough of going to the cinema, concerts, an outstanding menu, spontaneous counter-talks and job projects that I pursue with passion.

I love to make my life diverse. I am curious, always hungry. My life has fulfilled me, made me really happy. Now I lead a life with a child that I would never create that voluntarily. No, I don’t have anything for a long time. My life is just stuck on the pause button.

Having a child is hard work

I am convinced that most parents live from images in their head: the happy extended family, always living in the house, unconditional love of the child forever and in old age you will be looked after by the children. If there is no disability, serious illness, separation or a falling out with your own children - then one or the other picture could apply on some days.

"A confused declaration of love won't save me for the rest of the day. A baby smile isn't even enough for the next hour and a half of breastfeeding."

But let's be honest, it's not all free. It's hard work, very hard work. That means dependency, self-abandonment, financial losses and external control.

Don't panic: of course I love my child because I automatically bonded with them. Of course, I do everything I can to make sure he's okay. And of course there are those sweet moments when your heart opens for a moment. But a confused declaration of love doesn't save me for the rest of the day. A baby smile isn't even enough for the next hour and a half of breastfeeding.

Our author reports on the unpleasant side of being a mother. Image: Emmy Lupine Studio

In retrospect, I now see it that way, provided that a woman has the choice of becoming a mother: I choose myself and my partnership or a child. That means either I take care of myself and make a nice life for myself or I give myself up for another living being and make sure that it has a nice life.

"An unhappy but meaningful life? Wow. Thanks for nothing!"

Why should it be selfish not to have children?

Selflove is currently the big thing. Then why is it not okay to love yourself and lead a self-centered life? Why do I feel that being consciously childless and therefore being selfish is frowned upon? I know one thing for sure: Without a child, I would theoretically have time to do a lot of good things, get involved and possibly make the world a little better. That would make sense.

I discovered the following quote in a magazine while I was breastfeeding: "When you have children, the happiness curve drops significantly. No sleep, no time, and they never want what you want. Children are happiness killers. Even if you are all happy Adding moments together makes you more unhappy than you would be without them. Research shows that too. Instead, it makes sense. And that's what makes the good life. " An unhappy but meaningful life? Wow. Thanks for nothing!

opinion

Children in constant stress: why childhood ends with daycare

Ilona Böhnke is an educator in Dortmund. In her 40-year career she made one important observation: Children are spending more and more time in daycare centers, whose everyday life is well-timed. Many adults do not know that playing according to the schedule and being together in a group also means work for the children. Böhnke is now warning of possible consequences.

Maths in the morning, then nature education until noon. After the lunch break, relaxation, maybe a round of painting or a singing circle and then gymnastics until you go home again.

What at first glance looks like the everyday life of at least one elementary school student is actually a completely normal day for a toddler or preschooler in daycare. Free time to play? Actually, it doesn't stay there.

Many of the problems that predominate in German daycare centers are still not ...

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