How does life feel without expectations
If you have no expectations, you have nothing to lose
Last update: 01 September, 2019
In general, people hope that things will go their way. In other words, we develop expectations about how things should be and how other people around us should act. But when you expect everything and in the end you have nothing, it can be frustrating or even devastating.
For example, you are probably hoping that when something bothers you, people will react in a certain way. You also hope it won't rain on a day that you plan to go hiking in the mountains. But be honest: how many times have other people let you down or let you down?
In this case, what is the key to avoid being hurt by such things? The answer is to expect nothing, because that way you have nothing to lose.
That might sound a bit depressing at first. In other words, not creating expectations can be a powerful tool for wellbeing. It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that expecting nothing means dropping on the couch and letting life go by. On the contrary, it is much more dynamic and active.
What it really means is a mental effort not to build up false hopes or false beliefs. But why exactly is that important? If you don't expect anything, you don't risk disappointment. Let's dive deeper into this topic!
If you have no expectations, you will have it all
How can someone have zero expectations? Is that even possible? Almost everyone sticks to the idea that things should go the way they want them to.
This is exactly where the key lies: sticking to the idea. If you do, the more likely it will hurt if something doesn't happen. So what can you do
The answer is to break away from a particular outcome. For example, if you hope someone will do something for you and they don't, it hurts. However, if you are open to the possibility that this will happen and the possibility that it will not, you are protecting yourself by considering two potential outcomes.
Buddhism says that we are all just trying to find happiness, but that most of us are going the wrong way. If you don't expect anything from a certain situation or person, then you have it all. In other words, you are open to any possible outcome.
When a friend meets your expectations, it brings you joy. If it doesn't, it isn't a big deal as you had this possibility already planned. It's also important not to take it too seriously because we're all confused and there have likely been times when you also failed to live up to someone's expectations.
Free yourself, have no expectations
Free yourself from the pain of mental rigidity. Life, your fate, or whatever you want to call it, won't always turn out the way you want it to be.
Lots of people say things like "Things that always turn out to be wrong for me" and "I keep getting left in the lurch." Think about it: how many times have you expected something from someone and they didn't? You likely hear complaints that things are not going in life the way people want them to.
So the goal is to learn to accept that "all of these things that don't work the way they should“, Actually work, just not the way you want them to. It is the gap between these two things that really leads to pain.
“All suffering in this world arises when we wish to be happy. All happiness that there is in this world arises from the fact that we wish that others are happy. "
You may encounter some disappointments from other people, but they won't be as painful. In fact, you can even take some of these disappointments. For one, you can learn to accept other people without projecting your own desires onto them. Also, if you feel that their attitude towards you is really hurtful, it might be better to let them go.
Everything is possible
"It is more likely that something will not turn out as you expected than it will turn out exactly."
With this quote you can think about how much power you really have to control the things that happen around you.
Rinchen speaks of the idea that anything is possible and you should accept this in your own life. If anything is possible, you are better prepared for things not to turn out as you expected.
“We want to overcome the situation in which we all find ourselves: victims of our own emotional suffering, enemies of our peace and serenity. These sufferings - such as attachment, hatred, pride, greed, etc. - are mental states that cause us to behave in a way that creates all of our unhappiness and suffering. "
If you don't expect anything, you make everything possible because you are open to anything that happens. Projecting an idea or hope for the future is a great way to empower yourself as long as you know it may not turn out the way you want it to.
One of the most important ways to end suffering from expectations is to let the mind rest.
“We humans have lost the wisdom to really rest and relax. We worry too much. We don't let our bodies heal, and we don't let our minds and hearts heal. "
Thich Nhat Hanh
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