Why do people willingly eat unseasoned food

Severin Corti tests food in the swimming pool

At the entrance to the Gänsehäufel there is a stand where fresh organic strawberries, peaches, watermelons and other fruit are for sale. If everything looks good, at 33 degrees it looks like desirable lunch. The demand, however, is manageable: apart from two women who each have a bowl of cherries and apricots ("The first from Burgenland!") Packed, bathers flock to the cash registers and turnstiles of Vienna's most popular outdoor pool on this Tuesday, without the one Stand to appreciate a look.


But well, the goose top offers other opportunities to strengthen yourself after swimming around the island and swallowing in the wave pool - not to mention the calories that are burned by pulling in your stomach. There is a restaurant and two buffets in the general area as well as another on the nudist area. The latter could not be considered for this test due to the lack of tanning oil. Soon after the entrance, on the promenade lined with trees, cabins and boxes, the Danube breeze lures you with langos ("as much garlic as you want"). Late risers can look forward to all kinds of breakfast.

The "holiday feeling" is conveyed from the morning away with a liter of sangria (15.50 euros), the bottle of Mixed Set DAC from Mayer am Pfarrplatz goes for 19.50 euros via the self-service budel. The card promises "Caesar salad"(sic!) and"Pink lobster plate "The guests prefer to do their dark brown deep fried, oil-shining thighs, which are only minimally garnished with tiger print and neon elastane, in a different way: "Chicken farmer wrap"For example, it is not a pareo for fat poultry farmers, but a flat cakes not exactly filled with cold chicken (more cooked than fried), which is completed with lettuce, cucumber and tomato and seasoned with BBQ sauce.

The latter cannot be denied a certain doping effect: when the aggressively sweet, alarmingly ashtray-tasting paste spreads across the palate, the lethargy of the midday heat is suddenly wiped away, and adrenaline rushes in. It is not at all Tschickstummel that season this sauce, only chemically generated smoke aroma. The fact that the flatbread is soaked in a spectacular way (and bursts once when you bite into it) nevertheless has a calming effect: no embers survive in this biotope.

The fries served with it are lukewarm, but cracklingly crispy. No problem either: ketchup can be pumped over it ad libitum from a provided bucket, as can mayo. But there are also real surprises: "Fishermans fries"are baked earfish with lemon and garlic sauce (better not to try it!) for 8.90 euros on the Budel: are perhaps a little too long fried, but taste perfectly fresh and are so crispy that despite the roaring heat, you can shimmers through the ganglia with splashing wine.

But further, in the Klampfer buffet behind the wave pool, the midday tide at the bar is just ebbing away. Meat racks with french fries (8.70 euros) are off, "the last one can have S’ in on rolls! ".

Rumor has it that when it comes to gastrofleischlaberln, the ratio between meat and softened rolls or crumbs as an ingredient is boldly shifted in favor of rolls. This, too, is popular - but when breaded breadcrumbs flavored with meat are served in a loafed bread roll, it becomes a challenge.

Luckily, ketchup and mustard are reliable lubricants to make the way down for the gummy breaded porridge. You will realize that there was a lot of garlic powder with you when you slosh up in the wave pool - oh, pardon! Meanwhile, a group of lifeguards is taking a break in the restaurant on the west beach ("with service"). Dish of the day, Augsburger with potato and cream vegetables (5.70 euros) is also out here, that's what there is Sour sausage (6.90 euros) and Budweiser on tap, plus the shade of old trees and the strained splashing of the young rowers on the Old Danube. The sausage, which is precisely laid out in mandala shape, is on the table after barely three minutes, the marinade, in line with local tradition, mainly made of water, and a mountain of raw onion on top finally provides vitamins. And is only marginally oxidized.

In return, the extra sausage shines in an unreal pink, although it has to be attested to be considerable floury. Of course, if you have a good thing too, you can save yourself the bread roll.

Stadium pool

Next day, next station, stadium pool. The self-service restaurant is in plastic yellow and is reminiscent of the food distribution points in German rest stops: behind the counter, the ready-made sauces in the bain-marie, plus a microwave and fritter, in front of it the slim salad buffet and huge drinks refrigerators. The choice of dishes is unmistakably Viennese: Deep fry soup, meatloaf cordon, pork or chicken wiener, cevapcici, pancake pancakes. When ordering the soup, concerns arise. The sliced ​​pancake ("Boss, where do we have them?") End up in the microwave, then brown-green, opaque liquid from the water bath comes into the bowl. Unfortunately, it is not edible: the fries, strips of foam material cut with industrial precision, disintegrate in the mouth. The first signs of chemical burns could of course be: The liquid, puristically composed of granular broth and a little water, is saturated to the limit with salt.

While one ponders how this lye (diluted ten or even twenty times?) Could be sold as soup after all, the person sitting next to you says: "Respect, you are brave. I have never eaten anything apart from french fries . "

The lean gentleman with a dark brown tanned chest and a yellow Ottakringer can obviously knows his way around, but unfortunately has to go on: "The woman is waiting with the food, she doesn't like the sun." So on to the main course. The soup complained about is taken back by the head chef, born in Rostock, without hesitation ("I didn't do it, but it was my responsibility") stuffed peppers ("Daily special") in return, not charged at all - more than decent. They, too, come into the micro with the salted potatoes before the tomato sauce is scooped up afterwards.

The peppers survive the microwave (see picture) more poorly than well. The gray-white filling is mixed with a lot of rice, but meat (turkey?) Is clearly also in it. Taste: inconspicuous. Consistency: elastic, in the sense of a rubber ball. The peppers: stewed so soft that the bitter skin comes off the pulp almost automatically. And the sauce? Completely unseasoned, in this case a plus. All in all, far from good food, but still completely within the bounds of the edible.

Now it has to be done to complete the judgment Cordon from meat loaf - you can't go out of the swimming pool without fries. Here, too, "preparation" takes barely two minutes. On the plus side are the fries, crispy on the outside, still soft and juicy on the inside, by far the best outdoor fries in the test.

The Leberkäse, well. There are no cartilage inclusions or even bone fragments, as we know from Wiener sausage stand goods. But the aftertaste is massively sour. One hopes that this comes from the cheese (which is otherwise inconspicuous and has broken down into protein pulp). A thin slice of toast can serve as a ham substitute.

The compact roof tile tastes most interesting on the edge where the breading has not held, the cheese has run out: the meat loaf is crispy and dark brown here like a season ticket holder at the end of July, tastes delicately like burnt milk, like a lot of salt, like sausage crisps.

Schönbrunn bath

The last stop can be the privately operated Schönbrunn spa. On the immaculately trimmed lawn, the elderly loll in sun loungers they have brought with them, the pool is empty this afternoon, with the exception of two long swimmers. Everything was very peaceful, also in the restaurant. The "Schönbrunn burger", according to the window sticker" best in town ", is already over. The friendly waitress advises"Grilled chicken burger"(13.90 euros). It also comes to the table quickly, the three narrow strips of chicken were presumably already pre-cooked, and the grill aroma cannot be made out.

Perhaps the name "grilled" is referring to the "homemade" sauce, for which the BBQ sauce was apparently mixed with ready-made mayo, resulting in a slightly tamed ashtray tone. In any case, the soft foam bun with sesame decoration is too big for so little meat, but there is a lot of lettuce, a thin tomato idea and a whole mountain of onions, which in the end makes for a respectably filled burger impression.

The whole thing is served with thin, crispy French fries on the facsimile of a Cuban newspaper page from pre-revolutionary times - does not quite go together with the Balkan appearance of the raw onion burger and yet looks rather sweaty nostalgic after a time when the Caribbean island was in the grip of the mafia and as a whore's house America had to apply.

A hop in the pool can no longer be justified after such a buffet bonanza. So you stumble back through the castle park with cord stones in your stomach. To be relieved again at the Hohenbergstrasse exit, where the sausage stand "Zum Imperator" is waiting. According to the notice board, "Riesen -käsekrainer weighing 1.20 kg for 25 euros" is the specialty. Sausage stand test, that would have been it! (Severin Corti, June 22, 2019)