How badly did puberty hit you?
My child in puberty, I miss you a bit right now ...
Hey teen child, how are you doing right now - in the middle of the pandemic and puberty? Sure, when I ask you, you answer “fine”, but I actually mean: How are you really doing? You withdraw a lot, live in your room or outside of the house. It's age-typical and completely okay, I just wish you’re okay, over there behind the door. In your life.
Sometimes I hear you giggling and laughing with friends, I don't know which ones, but laughing is always good! You come down for meals, so if you are there and not on the road.
You can't really do much at the moment, but walking through town with a friend - that's still possible. And you're doing a lot right now. I do not know all of these companions. Your cosmos, your life. When I ask if you would like to come to us, I just say: No. The siblings are annoying. Or: No, we live too far away from the shot, there are no buses here.
Puberty is when others get difficult, right?
Before, when I accompanied you to sleep hour after hour and evening after evening, it was all unimaginable. That you prefer to spend nights somewhere else than at home, that you want more time with your friends than with us. And now it is like that. And that came pretty quickly.
You used to take part in family outings, today we don't even have to ask. Locked out. You know what you want. You know what you need And you definitely don't need it right now still more time with the nuclear family. It's slowly enough. It's actually like that for all of us!
There was a phase of lying down. You could hardly get out of your room, you were lazy, and above all you wanted to netflix and chill out. This phase has been replaced. Today I often hear it rumbling in the room when you do workouts, I see that your light is on until late at night on the weekend or that you are sleeping in the neighborhood right away.
Everything becomes more alive again, life, your life magically attracts you. And we stand by in amazement as parents. Suddenly big. Your own path has already been taken. Wow, is that new. We all feel our way. Make me miss you just a little bit, yeah Even for me it is still unfamiliar.
Pandemic & puberty: how should you differentiate yourself from your parents?
If I want to annoy you, I ask if I should worry. Will you soon be secretly going to war in Syria? Because we watched a documentary together about young Germans who - without their parents noticing - were simply gone at some point. We then smile at each other. Don't worry, mom, everything's fine.
Or I ask if you really met xy because I only took you to the bus stop and I don't know who you really met. You then roll your eyes with a smile. As parents, we don't want to be annoying either.
It's a weighing up, a letting go, a trust ... yes, a trust. Much advance trust. You should live your life. We put it in your hand. Take care, okay?
You are already so independent. You get up in the morning after the alarm goes off, come down for a moment, eat something, and go back into the room. There you sit in front of thousands upon thousands of zoom and team meetings. Do your chores. Chat test. Organize yourself for lectures in virtual groups.
I can't say how much I admire your discipline, your perseverance. You bake cakes with sprinkles for the digital coffee chat because there are no more breaks in the schoolyard. Make the best of it, you've obviously internalized that.
“The roots are there. Now you start to fly "
How tall you are, as tall as me. How arrived you seem after such short years. How much your friends support and appreciate you. And how much love it has to do with letting you go. Because we give you your life from the bottom of our hearts.
And still keep in touch. In a contact that slips more and more at eye level. Not only in terms of height, but also mentally.
You make your way and we stand astonished and proud at the edge and cheer you on. All the time that we had and have together you just take with you into your life. You carry it as treasure in you forever. Just as we always carry the time with you as a treasure in us. What better could have happened to all of us?
The roots are there. Now you start to fly.
P.S. This text was, of course, presented first of all to the child. It grinned and gave its okay to publish.
P.P.S. Here, too, Lisa has already written a letter to her child in the middle of puberty.
P.P.P.S. If you are looking for help, the Family Ministry will provide it
Lisa Harmann has always been curious in all directions. She works as a journalist, author and blogger, has three children and lives in Bergisch near Cologne.
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