How did Oliver Emberton become so wise

The personal identity crisis

Who am I? Who do I want to be? Where should and will my path lead? Where do I see myself in 1, 5, 10 years?
So many questions that are going through my head right now. This is similar to many of the same age. The personal crisis when the course comes to an end, when it comes to setting up a life of your own. What is affectionately called Quarter Life Crisis in popular psychology plagues many sooner or later. Some in their early twenties, others only in the middle or towards the end of this decade of life.

We want to keep our options open. Not too tight. Because who knows what the future will bring? Was the course the right choice? Was this correct? Was that correct? What is right or wrong anyway? You can quickly get lost in countless questions. But there are no answers.

This is an appeal to me. An appeal to people of the same age. People who are affectionately called "twentysomethings" and do not know what to do with life.

Find answers

We have to find answers. Or not? I dont know. I myself have been asking myself a wide variety of questions lately. Did I choose a right path? Who do I want to be? How do I want to look? What do I want to achieve?
A good friend of mine goes further and asks why we have to achieve anything in life at all. Why should we learn and do anything at all? But I don't want to go that far.

Many of these very philosophical questions are downright poison for individuals like me who like to dissect everything.
They are questions to which we simply cannot find an answer. Or we can't find these answers so easily, write them down and that's it. We have to go on a search. In search of answers.

I keep preaching "just do it". In my opinion, this is also the right way to go. A rough concept and let's go - try it out. Fall down, get up, move on. If you reflect on yourself from time to time, nothing can go wrong. If one realizes that the path is the wrong one, does not fulfill one, or is in some other way unsuitable for one, one takes another.

We don't dare enough

Fear directly or indirectly determines our life. I'm going to be 21 next month and I'm already seeing people in my circle of friends who complain about never having done this or that.

And that's exactly the problem. We have to stop making excuses. Stop trying to live someone else's life or fooling yourself. We only have this one life. And this should also be lived.

What's the worst that can happen? In most cases, very little. I want to see the world. So I take the time and travel. I want a job that I enjoy. So I go through my interests and find something. And what if I don't like the city I have traveled to? What if I don't like the job I picked? Then that's how it is. Then you travel to another city or look for another job.

Maybe we are simply overwhelmed with possibilities. There are no more traditional ways. Or this ends with the completion of an apprenticeship or with the completion of studies. Then the big and wide world of work is waiting. Under certain circumstances you can quickly feel lost.

I can not do this!

I hear myself saying that again and again inside. I myself hear this again and again from others. I can not do this. That does not work like this. But why? Because we're in our own way. We have dreams. But before that, a wall is built up out of excuses and pretended reasons, so that the dreams are no longer visible.

I keep telling myself that I have to wake up. We have to wake up. We have to be clear about a few things.

We are somewhere in life. I can't say exactly where. As a "twentysomething" I can hardly judge this. But we are here because we made this decision. Whining has become a popular sport. I don't like the job. The girlfriend doesn't suit you. The apartment is too small. The apartment is too big. Where else is the grass always greener.

It is important that we remember that all of this is made up of our choices. We have a lot of freedom in life. Nobody forces us to do this job. Nobody forces us to live in this apartment. Nobody forces us to live in a relationship. Of course there are many addictions in life. But we are still young. We don't have that many commitments yet.

And it's not too difficult to figure out what you really want to do with your life.

Make up for adolescence

We go through childhood, then puberty. But not everything is going perfectly. Lately I've been looking at my own adolescence in a restrospective manner and noticed a few things.

There are some points that I miss in my personal development. Some things I've never done. Some ways of thinking which could have been different.

But now I'm still young and have options. I would like to and will manually catch up on a few points of personal development and development. Giving my personal adolescence a little nudge in the right direction. Because I think this is the way to go.

Oliver Emberton has a very interesting and informative answer to How can I figure out what I really want to do with my life after college? written. He writes: "Time to grow up and give yourself a better childhood". And I totally agree with that. The other answers in this Quora thread are also really good and have made good progress in finding the answers.

Emulating the superman

We want to conform to the social ideal. Oliver Stolle brings it up in his article Was it that? to the point in Neon Magazin. The ideal of the thirty year old. He has experienced a lot, lived a lot, everything under control, an interesting job, a lot of time for friends, a good-looking woman / man and of course a child. But as Stolle writes, it is and remains an ideal. A superman who cannot be reached. The comparison is always negative.

We should perhaps less emulate a superman but rather focus on ourselves and create our own lives. In today's society, with very few exceptions, it is not possible to achieve this mixture in this way.

Sooner or later, many have a settled life. Fixed life partner, own apartment. One slips into the mediocrity of society. Works during the week, is tired in the evening and only has time for friends at the weekend, where the focus is always on the life partner, who would like to spend time with you.

But there are alternatives. Because even if many questions are still open, I have already decided for myself that I never want to maintain a lifestyle like that.

The Red Thread

A good friend of mine said something very wise to me a few years ago:

You are the common thread in your life. Imagine your life as a timeline, as a red thread. The only person,
who is there constant from beginning to end is you. Not even your parents, your friends will be you from the beginning
accompany until the end.

All of the people we interact with are only part of our lives. This can be very large,
but that doesn't have to be the case. What matters is what we do. What we want. Even if this seems a little self-centered.

One conclusion

I don't know if you can even come to a conclusion on all of my questions. Like many others, I am in an identity crisis. I ask myself a lot. Think about what I want to do with my life. But this is possibly all the more a long process that one has to go through. And this can and should be encouraged and promoted. Life is too short to live exclusively in the subjunctive. Because only what we actually do counts.

All of the questions may make it more complicated for myself than it really is. I just have to trust myself. Change me Push me forward. Use new opportunities. Don't procrastinate. I am young We are young. Let's live life!