What is your scariest sad childhood memory

Repressed negative feelings have a huge impact on your life

There are likely memories in your life that you would most like to never remember again. If so, painful and possibly unbearable feelings arise in you. Since they are usually difficult to take, you are likely to close them a long way away. The fear that these parts will report, and the energy expenditure to put away these parts with the experiences and feelings, is immense. It robs you of all your strength, makes you restless inside and puts you under stress. Often it all happens without you noticing. Your subconscious ensures that they at least don't consciously disturb you. Here we will show you why it doesn't help you in the long term to keep these negative feelings banished, why you only increase the pain and why you should take care of these old wounds.

Your bad memories and negative feelings became exiles

In this post we will not talk about one specific bad feeling, but about many different bad experiences that you have had in your life. So old feelings that you probably would like to never remember again. We'll call them your exiled experiences. Some of them elude your consciousness and are stored in you in different parts. Depending on what time they took place and what feeling arose. The exiles summarize all those parts of your psyche that you can hardly allow and that only very rarely enter your living room. The reasons for this can be very different.

The painful banished experiences can be memories of times when you felt humiliated, horrified, very painful or when you felt alone. It can be bullying situations, for example. Maybe your parents split up or your best friend moved away. Persistent situations in which, for example, one of your siblings has received more attention due to an illness can trigger such negative feelings. In addition to fear, anger and sadness, situations and times in which you were ashamed also play a major role. At the time this happened to you, you were most likely a child or adolescent who was dependent on their parents. So you were vulnerable and helpless at the time. So you were only able to help yourself to a limited extent.

The exiles include not only the emotionally troubled parts, but also those that were not wanted in your childhood and youth. "Be good!", "Eat properly!" or "Don't be so angry!" can be clues as to what was wanted and what was not wanted in your family. Children react to this and internalize these demands. They learn that these traits are bad from them and try to lock them away. Often it is feelings such as anger and anger or general situations in which you show “weakness”: An Indian knows no pain, could be a corresponding belief. Of course, it is not just your parents' home that promotes such banishment, but also your friends and your school days.

When you banish those painful memories, your parts that were not wanted, and all the feelings associated with them (subconsciously, you don't even notice it at first), you banish the parts of yourself that have suffered the most. These parts are mostly those that are very vulnerable, sensitive, needy and innocent. But these are also the parts that are open, that are looking for closeness, that are lively and playful.

Usually these very parts need help, understanding and protection. But if they have been banned now, then the very parts of you that need your help the most will be disregarded. You just leave her helpless and alone with her injuries. If these parts do report, you can barely stand it and lock them back as quickly and as best you can. For example, when you feel alone, or not loved, or too fat. You double-lock the door so they don't come out. You continue to hurt them and only let the wound get deeper.

Banished negative feelings and parts pose a threat to your psyche

The crux is now: the further you suppress your banished parts, the stronger they can become. The need for love, protection and security is growing so that they can hardly stand it. What happened unconsciously and is still happening is the following: Your exiles classify more dominant and protective parts of you as a danger to your psychological well-being. They believe that once they emerge, they will most likely incapacitate you. So that you may no longer be able to go to work / university, can no longer put on your happy face and can no longer keep up appearances.

Out of this fear of your managerial parts, you start to avoid and suppress these parts more and more. For example, through a lot of work, taking care of others, gambling or partying. Especially when you've learned that in such moments of sadness, sensitivity, and vulnerability, you will be rejected and not liked. This experience can become very deep and result in beliefs that have a strong influence on your life, e.g. "I am only worth something if I do everything perfectly". In men in particular, “weakness” is more often perceived as a flaw.

Banished negative feelings are therefore an ever-present danger. Without you necessarily noticing it. Like a volcano that could erupt at any time, because ...

  1. On the one hand, they are old wounds and can tear open. Which could lead to the fact that you can no longer maintain the appearance of “everything is great”, maybe even not manage your everyday life and work for the first time or you cannot go to sport in the evening.
  2. they may overwhelm you with the old feelings that can come up. If you haven't learned to deal with these feelings, the exiles can be quite frightening because you subconsciously suspect that they can blow you away.

If you need support to deal with your negative feelings and / or your past, then you should take a look at our online coaching offer with one click here. .

Banished negative feelings have an impact on your relationships

In addition to everyday functioning, they also influence your relationships, in which you then only function in such a way that these old feelings do not come out. This also mostly happens unconsciously. Since the banished parts secretly long for love, understanding and benevolence, they bring you into relationship with others, in a spirit of partnership and friendship. However, the manager's shares now ensure that you get to people who give you a little attention, but at the same time the risk is not too great that these wounds will be opened again.

In this way you look for friendly and partnership-based relationships, in which there can be no too great emotional closeness. In a partnership, for example, this can lead to you liking your counterpart, but not getting the feeling of “I understand you” and “I accept you as you are”. It doesn't work at all because you don't do it yourself and don't understand your banished parts. So it is almost impossible for the other. Well, and so you may hold onto a relationship that doesn't suit you, including your banished parts. It remains superficial and unsatisfactory.

Suppressed negative feelings drain both your mental and physical strength

The effort to suppress negative feelings is huge. The capacity you need for this is then lacking elsewhere. Your exiled parts have certain feelings and needs. And these are exactly YOUR feelings and needs. If you don't take care of them and ignore them, at some point you will no longer be able to enjoy your life to the fullest. Why? Your negative feelings represent needs that are not being met. If you do not take care of these, then the positive, pleasant and desired feelings cannot arise at all.

Without understanding old feelings and needs, you are taking the chance to be happy!

And that too takes strength because you may be trying to make yourself happy differently (partying, eating, flirting, watching TV) and that doesn't work. That is frustrating, again takes unnecessary strength and stresses you. The really stupid thing is that those unmet needs and feelings find a way to express themselves. So that you practically don't overlook them. They try to make themselves felt differently if they don't compete with your managerial stakes. They then show up more and more elsewhere and express themselves in the form of symptoms such as:

It is also interesting that research is increasingly showing that many different physical illnesses can be explained by psychological stress, for example suppressed feelings. Gastrointestinal diseases, high blood pressure, diabetes, rheumatism or pain disorders can also or primarily have psychological causes.

Slowly approach your exiled parts

Perhaps this now arouses your interest in getting to know your exiles better. Oh yes that makes sense. If you reflect more closely on these painful experiences and get closer to your exiled parts, then you build a completely different relationship with them. This can have powerful healing effects on those wounds, so your old wounds can close. Holy shit! However, that takes courage! Your subconscious has probably been doing exactly the opposite of what we are currently advising you to do for a long time.

Protective parts, your managers, in you will immediately respond to this idea and will not find this idea good at all. “I am definitely not going back to this old memory! I want to leave that behind! I want to look ahead! What is that supposed to achieve?! Then I'm just sad and desperate and nobody needs that! " In an attempt to get close to your exiles, it may well be that your protectors will fight back vigorously and want to prevent you from doing so. They are afraid and just want to continue with the program that you have been doing so far. So the question that arises is whether you want to continue the program yourself?

As you can see, it is not that easy to take care of your suppressed negative feelings. If you need support, you should now have a look at our online coaching offer with one click here. We help you to become more satisfied with yourself and your life in the long term. It doesn't matter whether you are currently dissatisfied in your life, step on the spot or hold back your self-doubts and your inner self-critical voice in your life.