What screams I'm in a toxic relationship

Why Breaking a Toxic Relationship Is So Hard

Her eyes fill with tears: "Don't hug, I'll be fine." My friend A. has been in a toxic relationship for three and a half years. One that brings more pain and tears than happiness and contentment. One in which she suffers. And her partner too. You hold on to a bad dynamic and repeat the same cycle over and over again. Now is the time to separate again. She has long known that it is a toxic relationship. “But we love each other,” she says, mascara on her cheeks.

Also on ze.tt

What psychological violence did to me in a relationship

My friend P. feels the same way - her boyfriend cheated on her, not for the first time. She suspected it for a long time. But now she can no longer close her eyes because she caught him. After almost ten years it's over. Nevertheless, she says: "We still love each other." And I also had a toxic relationship for a while that tormented me with this "But love is there!"

Unfortunately, no matter how great love is, it is not enough. It's only one component in a relationship. No question about it: it doesn't work without it. But love doesn't tear everything else out - just because it's so strong. Because of her, it's hard as hell to end a toxic relationship. However, it is by no means the only reason.

The addiction to the moment

Oh, it could be so beautiful. That clinging to the few moments of bliss. Actually, not much is missing, lasting happiness always seems to be within reach. One magical evening, one wonderful weekend, singing together on the street. But as soon as you really want to grab it, it slips away. As with these automatic grippers at the fair. Just one more coin, next time it will work, for sure. Or? Hmmm ... Nah.

Also on ze.tt

An on-off relationship can be harmful to your health

The “almost” is the decisive factor here. As long as there is even a tiny chance, going on is so seductive and supposedly logical. Subconsciously, however, you are creating a never-ending cycle. Not infrequently based on formative childhood experiences with the persistent hope that it may end differently this time. But nobody can be almost happy in the long run and crawl through deep sorrowful valleys between individual highlights. That's just not enough. You deserve the best, the whole thing. Not just homeopathic doses of happiness.

Die lonely?

Fear of being alone plays a huge role in not ending a toxic relationship. In a 2013 study, US researchers examined fear and reward in connection with romantic relationships and found that those with the greatest fear of being single were most likely to endure unhappy relationships or hang out with people who no doubt were not good for them.

Also on ze.tt

Why does everyone look weird when you're out and about on your own?

What if this is the best, only, last chance for love? But even if it doesn't feel like it: that's nonsense. I know people who got married in their late 60s and others who fell in love with their golf instructor when they were 80. Also: Realistically, even in the longest relationship or marriage, one dies first and the other is left alone. And it is not necessarily said that potential children will look after you in old age.

That being said, can too forever alone be a great thing. Get rid of the social pressure to partner up, the perceived failure and instead concentrate on yourself, your own wishes and dreams, your own emotional growth and be satisfied and at peace with yourself. When a suitable partner comes by - excellent! If not - great!

Better to have nothing than a toxic relationship

Compromise is a natural part of any relationship, as are problems and passing lows. But even here it only goes up to a certain pain point and no further. But that's the nature of toxic relationships: they keep coming back to the point of pain. Those involved trigger the most unfavorable behaviors in one another, get caught up in a corrosive dynamic and often cannot get out of it without therapeutic support.

Also on ze.tt

How to withdraw from toxic friendships without harming people

And that only works if both partners recognize their dynamism and are ready to work on the relationship and on themselves. According to a meta-study from 2013, however, it is often the case that both see the other as the cause of the problem.

Love alone is not enough

Relationships are complicated. But as great and powerful as the feeling of love is - love alone does not automatically make a good, stable, happy partnership. Even if that were of course wonderful. You deserve the best - what you really need and what is good for you.

If grief and suffering are too big and long-lasting and you have a toxic relationship, a breakup can be like a relief and make space for a fulfilled partnership or a good relationship with yourself. Just as Grandma still knew: Better to end with yourself Horror as horror without end.