What ruined your life

How to ruin your life (without even realizing it)

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Text by: Lena Schulte

Sometimes I have the feeling that in retrospect the days and weeks and months are smeared into a tough, unclear pulp, in which at best a few small bits of memory swim. And the rest? Pooh ... it's somewhere, somehow lost.

Most of the time I am so busy with everyday life that I hardly have time to seriously question my thoughts and actions. What is still working will be retained. Often times I have failed to notice how this has put myself into a quicksand of routines that is drying up and dragging my life down. And then the realization of how much I would wish otherwise ... with some things I even didn't even know at what point they began to go wrong at the time.

I didn't know whether I had actually ruined my whole life - but my joy in life was definitely in the basement.

What was the issue? What happened?

We ruin our lives by giving too much power to the past.

For a long time in groups I always had the feeling that everyone was bothering me and that I didn't belong. For a long time I didn't know why that was the case. Instead, made me as invisible as possible in these situations. It was only when I began to dig deeper into this inexplicable discomfort that I realized that it was due to a situation in which I was actually not welcome. One bad experience in early childhood was enough to put an almost twenty-year-old disruptive brand in my self-image. And of course I was confirmed again and again - after all, others interpreted my quiet behavior as disinterest or arrogance.

And since I know that, I've never seen myself as a disruptive factor again, and I'm the most popular center of attention at every party! Whoop whoop! ... Well, it would be nice. Nevertheless, it is very helpful to know a little more precisely what is going on in me emotionally - and why.

Because even if we have had something confirmed in the same way again and again in the past: It is over. Yesterday doesn't count anymore. Today we can take a closer look at certain feelings and beliefs and check their current reality. If we are really wild, we can even make an update.

"How to let go of worries, stress and self-doubt"

We ruin our lives if we look too much at others.

No matter how amazing your life is - there will always be someone who can put an even better filter on Instagram. So don't even compare yourself to others.

... Okay, we actually know. There is no point in comparing. Still, it's pretty hard to remind our brain when we open Facebook and Co. a few minutes later and it has to evaluate the overstimulated photos and status messages of others at full speed. Clear knowledge we that a lot is embellished and often does not correspond to reality.

It still has an effect. Every time we expose ourselves to these things, we let others run through our minds with their dirty high heels, as Gandhi said back then (or something like that).

We only have a certain amount of time and nerves. Let us not waste it excessively on the unimportant life events of others.

So, No to the "Once again on the road with the besties of all the besties, while you are just sitting at home and marveling at me, huh, my life is sohoho #geil" photos. No to the attention grabbers. And No to the bad shit storm comments and all the other wasted time.

We ruin our lives when we ignore our feelings.

“Sure, I just want something relaxed,” we prefer to nod, before it comes out how romantic and longingly we are looking for a stable partnership.

"No, I'm not at all sad that it was only second place," I prefer to nod with a brave smile so that nobody thinks I'm a bad loser. "Here rests a near-winner is also a cool headstone saying. "

We use a fair amount of force to save face. Not least because it can quickly become really embarrassing if we are completely honest with our emotions. I still feel like the last complete idiot when I think about the fact that after a disastrous rebuff to Mr Abfuhr, I also confessed my feelings. Various analysis results from my head cinema confirm: A departure á la “So what, then you just don't love me as if I needed it!” Would have been more gentle on my ego. But only for my ego. Not for the other part of me. The honest one. The one who really defines me.

Even if it can be uncomfortable at times: In retrospect, courage always beats the question of "What would have been if ...?" And that can be quite painful once the moment is over and irrevocably lost. We really want to be liked for who we really are. And we can sort out those who don't.

For me personally, the last point in particular is quite difficult in everyday life. Fortunately, I don't have to take an exam in it. Perhaps it is enough for now to switch off the autopilot briefly in some everyday moments. For my sake. So that I don't get lost in the quicksand of habit.

More under To everyone who thinks they are lagging behind in life and under Slowly I am learning to let things be.

Photo: Portrait / Shutterstock | Inspired by: Bianca Sparacino

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