How do I make real friends

infinitely loved

"I'm disappointed. Nobody answers and asks how I am."I was recently told by someone who attended the same church for a few years until he decided to look elsewhere. "Kone says: 'Hey, let's go have an ice cream!' "


Why is it that nobody answers? Without knowing and naming the exact details, one can only speculate.

The fact is that almost everyone of us had similar expectations that were disappointed. The cell phone did not ring ...
 


Yesterday I started a little poll on my blog.
Although only a good 50 people have participated so far, the result is clear:

 

Do we have too many expectations? Is there more to the game in loneliness than the absence of close friends? Besides work, family and other tasks, do we simply have no time to build friendships? Are we setting the wrong priorities?

Question after question. Questions that everyone should ask themselves.


I think we often expect more courtesy from others than from ourselves. Maybe after a long time someone will contact you and your first reaction is a reproachful one:"Why didn't you get in touch for so long?" You could ask the other way around, right? After chewing through the allegations of guilt, you may not feel like talking to the other person at all. Not a good requirement….


Why wait for the other to move? Maybe it's your turn too ?!
Be a friend yourself and take a step towards the other.


I think one of the main problems with our loneliness is that we become too concerned with superficial relationships and then lack the time and energy to develop and maintain deep friendships.

Superficial relationships take place between people who have common interests and / or tasks as a basis. Or they are neighbors, colleagues, whatever. People who have to do with each other - maybe more or less "involuntarily". Or maybe they have children of the same age and meet regularly in playgrounds. Conversations then usually revolve around obvious topics, e.g. B. Upbringing, educational toys, school ... Then everyone goes home again until they meet again two days later.


Studies have shown that the average person can have around 150 such acquaintances with whom they are in regular contact. Thanks to Facebook, the term "friendship" has a completely different definition, you quickly have several hundred or even a thousand "friends" ...


These acquaintances don't have to be bad, on the contrary. But they do not replace true friendships that fill us and that we long for.


Proverbs 18:24 says:"Lots of so-called friends only harm you, but a real friend is more to you than a brother."

Often you only know what true friends are when the going gets tough. If one of the two is doing badly, for whatever reason ... then it shows whether the connection holds or breaks. A"Friend who stands by you like a brother" is someone with whom you have more connections than a hobby or the children. Your basis is not (only) common activities, but common values ​​and basic convictions. You don't just talk about the unimportant and obvious, but give each other an insight into your emotional life and sometimes exchange very personal experiences. You are connected with friends on a deeper level.


How do you find good friends now?

My advice: Go through the names of people you know in your head. And now imagine XY would come in the door. What would your reactions be to him / her? Would you rather think: "Oh no ... not now. "or: "Boar, it's great that you visit me - let's go out to eat"- ok, those are the two extremes. But here you can see quite well how much affinity - how your connection to the other is. Think about what connects you ?! Is it "just" a hobby or something else in common or is it perhaps deeper values ​​and beliefs? Would you come to this person with problems too?

Try to establish closer contact with this person. Try to open up to him. Because this relationship has the potential to develop into a friendship.


So that it not only stays with the project, but you also put it into practice,another advice

Thoroughly clean out your Facebook friends list. The more people on your list, the more loose contacts you will be overrun. Your brain is flooded with information from a herd of people who you may just know by name and profile picture.

Better to focus on a handful of people. Drop them a few lines of encouragement every now and then, meet them for a coffee. Whatever, but don't get bogged down with so many people. How are you supposed to find real friends there? Time and energy are valuable. Imagine you have 100 minutes of free time, you can give 100 people 1 minute of it as a gift. Or you can give 2 people 50 minutes each. Which conversations will be more intense and familiar?
 

Decide on relationships that you want to invest in and part with loose contacts!

You may find that difficult, but it is also relieving - in the long run it makes you more satisfied. I've tried it. I have "only" suppressed some of my Facebook contacts on the start page, so I don't have to kick them off the list right away. A contact that has been shut down can also revive at some point.


Even as a Christian you shouldn't put too much pressure on yourself. Yes, it feels crappy when nobody answers ... but just because our beliefs are similar in many areas doesn't automatically mean that you are thick and close with everyone and that you are kinship. There is more to it.
 

In 1 Samuel 18: 1-4 you can read how Saul's son Jonathan stood by David:

"From the first moment Jonathan loved David very much, yes, he loved him more than his own life. [...] David and Jonathan made a covenant and swore an eternal friendship. Jonathan said:" David, you are as dear to me as my own Life! "Then he took off his cloak and armor and gave them to David, as well as his sword, bow and belt."

Humid? No, don't think so. I rather suspect a deep friendship. Love. There are people with whom you can quickly get on the same wavelength. It just "clicks" without doing much and it "just fits". Such people are a gift and unfortunately not available to order.


Maybe my advice will help you a bit and loneliness will soon be a thing of the past. There is in every phase of life where one is more lonely than in other times. But we must never lose hope that it will change again. We can do some things and leave others to God!


I am convinced that he often enough sends us the people we need and who are good for us.


Love from the heart!

Your Mandy

 

© Photo: pixabay.com / Creative Commons CC0

 


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This entry was published on September 15, 2016.