How often do couples quarrel

Relationship quarrel - 6 reasons why quarreling is important in a partnership

Relationship dispute - Everyone knows it, but nobody likes it. Conflict situations in the partnership are quite normal.
Did you know that arguing every now and then can be even important to your relationship?
What is decisive is not whether They fight, but how They fight.
We have for you the 10 most important rules of dispute and everything else related to the topic Relationship quarrel should know in summary:


Why arguments are important in a partnership - 6 reasons

Many couples believe that an argument is the first sign of a relationship Relationship crisis. But quite the opposite: it is even possible to argue from time to time very important for a working relationship. For the following reasons:

1. Arguing clears the air

There's really something to this old saying! If arguing situations with your partner are avoided, you can avoid the argument in the short term, but in the long run it is all the more bangy!

2. Good for your health

Who would have thought? Also for ours mental health it is important to argue every now and then.
Because: if we argue, that solves it Happiness hormones, so-called endorphins, in us. They take care of inner well-being, a balanced mood and regulate our hormonal balance.
If, on the other hand, we always try to avoid the relationship quarrel and swallow the frustration rather than express it, this can be done quickly Headache, malaise, trouble sleeping and in the worst case even to depressions to lead.

3. A sign of affection

It is certainly easier if we avoid problems in the relationship and do not address them.
If we argue, however, that is a clear signthat the topic is important to us and we really care about the relationship.

4. Relationship quarrel stimulates further development

If we prefer to avoid the relationship conflicts than deal with them and find a solution, then let's just go around in circles.
To go into confrontation every now and then, and sometimes risking an argument, takes care of fresh wind and constant further development in the relationship.

5. It strengthens the bond


“As in good times, so in bad times!” It is not without reason that this sentence is one of the most popular marriage vows. Sure, arguing is not fun for anyone, but once the argument is over and they have found a solution to the problem together, you will cohesion as well as their mutual trust be bigger and stronger than before.

6. Quarrel creates emotional closeness

If we keep our deepest desires and needs hidden from our partner out of fear it could hurt him or become a conflict topic, then this is it the first step in alienation.
A relationship can only work in the long term if you and your partner are not just physical, but also connected on an emotional level are. If you can also address conflicts and resolve them together, your partnership is strong enough to come Mastering crises.


Arguing properly - 10 rules

As you now know, arguments are important in a relationship. But this does not mean that they should constantly shout at each other according to all the rules of the art! Arguing right is the solution!
With these 10 rules does it work:

1. Wishes instead of prohibitions

If we argue, we like to accuse our counterpart of what he has done wrong again and what we have never liked about him anyway. Unfortunately, this is very counterproductive!

Instead of telling your partner what not to do, rather formulate needs and wishes:
So instead of saying: "You never have time for me!"
Rather say: "I've been missing you lately and I would be very happy if we could spend a little more time together again!"

2. respect

A respectful treatment even if you are pissed off is the be-all and end-all for any relationship dispute. Insults, eye rolls or a mean grin absolute no-gos. You should also make fun of when one of the other gets emotional and maybe starts crying in any case let it be!

3. No blanket accusations

Try sentences like: "You always do .."! or “You never do ..!” should be avoided in any case! If your counterpart feels confronted with blanket accusations, it will quickly become defensive and you will not achieve anything with your concern.

4. Show understanding

The longer the argument goes on, the more we get stuck on our minds. We get angrier and angrier and think to ourselves: "Now I'm definitely not going to give in!" The other person's opinion is barely noticed and just bounces off us.
You secretly know yourself that this is not exactly the right thing to do.
Try to stop yourself during the argument to put your partner in the shoes of your partner. Why does he act like that? And why does he have a different opinion than you on this subject?
Of course, that doesn't mean you have to share his opinion. Easy a little more understanding Raising the partner's point of view is often nice the solution to the riddle.

5. Take breaks from arguments

Never ending arguments strain your nerves. At some point the point will be reached where both no longer have any new arguments and throw the same phrases at each other over and over again. From here on, arguing becomes pointless.
If you notice that the two of you are just getting stuck, then take a break.

6. Reconciliation

No matter if it's just a little quarrel and a really violent argument, at the end of their argument there should always be a reconciliation. Especially with smaller disputes, we tend to give in quickly and prefer to push the topic aside so that we no longer have to deal with it.
A big mistake! If we reconcile ourselves only superficially, the basic problem of the dispute is not resolved, so that in the next situation it will pop again and possibly even harder.

7. Willingness to compromise

Regardless of whether you are arguing with friends or with your partner: if both fighters stubbornly insist on their opinion, it will be impossible to find a solution. Would you rather go away for Christmas, but he really wants to see his family? Then it would be best if both of you came together a little opposite. On Christmas Eve, for example, you could go to the family and then go on a romantic short vacation. Compromise is the key to happiness.

8. Stay on topic

“But back then you did…!” Who doesn't know that: You start arguing about a little thing and quickly more and more conflict issues arise. Old one, actually disputes that have long been resolved are dug out again. Better leave that and stick to the topic.

9. Time-out

Have you ever got to the point while arguing where everything has become too much for you and you just like to? "STOP" would have called? In a good culture of argument it must be possible to take a break from time to time when you simply cannot move forward.
Asks your partner for a short time-out, it is important that you accept this and do not chase after him because you absolutely want to finish your point.
Postpone that! Postponed is not cancelled!

10. The right time

Resolving an argument in the morning before the first coffee or in a hustle and bustle rarely works. It is better to only address the issue of conflict when both have enough time and rest.
"Honey, I would like to talk to you about something in a quiet minute!"
Instead of just falling into the house with the door, it can also be helpful to point out in advance that you would like to talk.


How much fighting is normal?

Quarreling can be good for the relationship. But what if the relationship quarrel never ends? What if a few small thunderclouds turn into a never-ending storm?
In such a situation the question quickly arises: How much arguing is actually normal?
5 arguments a month are ok, from 6 it becomes critical. It would be nice if it were so easy. You have probably already thought that this question, as almost always when it comes to love, is a bit more complicated.
How often do they quarrel and when it becomes critical, that depends on various factors.
For example, it is crucial Your living situation. Couples who live together logically have a much higher potential for conflict than those who live separately.
But also the character plays an important role. Extroverts are by nature geared towards confrontation, with them the tatters simply fly away from time to time.
Peace-loving people however, they always try to ensure harmony. With them it takes a lot to upset them.
The question of how much quarrel is normal can only be answered completely individual for each relationship judge.
The most important: Listen to your Gut feeling and talk to your partneras soon as you no longer feel comfortable in the relationship!


Harmless quarrel or relationship crisis? - 6 signs

Do you have normal behavior at quarrels, or is there a hint of a real relationship crisis after all?
These 6 signs speak for it:

1. The same issues over and over again

Even if it's mostly just small things: Getting into each other's hair over and over again about the same topic can be in the long run very frustrating be!
Ask yourself: Is it really his clothes lying around that make you so incandescent every time or does your constant arguing have deeper reasons?

2. Silence instead of arguing


Speech is silver, silence is gold! That doesn't apply to the relationship!
Of course, nobody likes relationship arguments and discussions, but silence can be much worse. If you are already tired of even addressing conflict issues and would rather not say anything more than the wrong thing again, you can do that first signs of yourselflooming relationship crisis be.

3. They no longer laugh together

Every couple fights. But if the relationship quarrel is over, then it has to be good again and you have to be able to laugh about it together.
Can't you laugh at each other anymore, that's it not a good signal.
Much worse: Don't laugh at each other anymore, but at each other. No matter whether among friendships or in a partnership: Spite and malicious glee aretrue relationship killers.

4. less proximity

When was the last time you gave your partner a greeting or just gave them a hug?
Arguing every now and then can strengthen the bond between two people, yes alienated too much argument and makes sure that we subconsciously more and more at a distance walk.
It is not uncommon for mutual alienation to end in one of the two partners cheating.

5. Indifference

Jealousy and control mania are not good for any relationship! But you don't care at all what the partner does much worse for your relationship mean. Converts free space into indifference is that a clear indicationthat you and your partner in one Relationship crisis stuck.

6. Irritated mood

Too much relationship quarrel quickly leads to one irritable mood.
A real vicious circle! Because the more irritable the general mood, the faster the next argument breaks out. Before you know it, just one wrong word and one of them will hit the ceiling.


5- Tips - This is how it works without a relationship quarrel

Although arguing can help, it is still not necessary that the tatters fly straight away when there is a problem. It would be much nicer if they could do it Resolving conflicts peacefully.
The following 5 tips show how to do it:

1. Don't be afraid to address unpleasant things

Often something depresses us in the relationship, but we don't dare to speak to it because we anxiety have to hurt our partner with it. But the worries are easy to swallow the wrong way. This way the problem is not solved, but simply postponed and you continue to torment yourself with it.
Talk to your partner about your wants and needs.

2. Common solutions to everyday problems

Everyday problems and conflicts in the household are popular topics for relationship disputes. When it comes to tidying up or cleaning the kitchen, most German couples quarrel. But washing dishes and manual work can also quickly lead to conflicts.
For controversial topics that keep coming up, it can be helpful to speak up for them binding rules for everyday life to think.
For example, do you get upset every day that he leaves his shoes in the hallway? How about, for example, a nice new shoe rack right next to the front door?

3. Create a stress-free environment

They both had stressful days and come home exhausted and hungry. On days like this, your nerves are already on edge, and it only takes a little spark to get you going.
Of course, stress at work cannot be completely avoided, that would be too nice. But try make their home a stress-free spaceshape and to leave outside stress outside.

4. Is the relationship quarrel worth it?

After a relationship quarrel, do you often think: "Ok, it wasn't that bad."? Many disputes can arise Avoid in advanceif we pause for a moment and consider whether it is really worth itbefore we get upset.

5. Take a deep breath

When we are angry, our brain reacts as if we were in a dangerous situation. It releases tons of adrenaline ready to fight for survival. In this condition, who can still grasp a sensible and clear thought? Probably nobody.
But arguing without being able to think clearly? That certainly doesn't make any sense either.
If we get upset about something, it can therefore be helpful take a quick deep breath and to calm down a bitbefore confronting your partner with your displeasure.

In this way, the problem can usually be solved without a relationship quarrel.


Checklist: This is important in the event of a dispute in the relationship:

  • Arguing is important, it purifies the air and is even good for your health.
  • Being able to solve problems together strengthens your bond and creates emotional closeness.
  • Keep arguing respectful, show it Willingness to compromise and Understanding.
  • Formulate Wishes instead of reproaches.
  • A Arguing break Inserting it can be helpful, but never forget that in the end reconciliation
  • How much quarreling is normal depends on various factors - Take care of your well-being and listen to your gut instinct.
  • Create one stress-free environment and talk about your worries and needs with your partner to prevent relationship disputes.