Why do you hate your narcissistic ex

If you still miss your narcissistic ex, read this

Getting over a narcissist is far from easy...

From my own experience of a two year relationship with a narcissist, I've learned that you feel lost, broken, and unrecognizable after it's all over.

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You cannot recognize the happy, lively person who you have been. The narcissist has twisted any weakness in you and caused a change in your personality.

The person who used to trust others has been turned into a person who can no longer trust the intentions of other people, a person who has lost trust in himself and in the world.

A narcissist can turn your life upside down in months while you stand back and search for answers.

The mistake most of us make here is the urge to seek a good deal in the narcissist.

Remember that the narcissist was never emotionally attached to you at all.

All he was looking for was a person who selflessly sacrifices their own needs and prioritize the narcissist's need for fulfillment. And once you do that, you will be reduced to a useless mass of meat that can be thrown away.

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First of all, if you find yourself in the healing process after narcissistic abuse: hold on, you will eventually find the answers to your questions - not with the narcissist, but within yourself.

Once you regain full control of yourself, your resilience is worthy of praise.

The memories of the narcissist are so ingrained in you that you find it almost impossible to function independently without that person.

It's only natural to come back to the memories of her or to get lost in thoughts of her.

Sometimes that's inevitable, especially after you've invested so much in her emotionally, psychologically, and physically.

You and I both know that longing for the person who completely destroyed you from time to time is often emotionally destructive.

Even so, surviving narcissistic abuse is actually one of the inevitable phases.

Love bombs are a clear sign a narcissist will display during the beginning of a romantic relationship.

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It is a common pattern of relational interaction for a narcissist to lay the groundwork for future abuse. It serves as the foundation on which the trauma bond is built.

The love bombs ’literally describes how a narcissist’ bombs ’his or her partner with excessive communication, love, affection, protection and everything positive at the beginning of the relationship in order to establish and secure control and domination over the other person’s life.

At this stage of the relationship, the narcissist has a strong tendency to significantly increase the rate of communication through social media, texts, emails, and calls.

This dominant level of attention, flattery, and praise can be overwhelming, or at times even crippling, for the partner.

This includes the idealization phase in the toxic cycle that the narcissist has already entangled you in.

Love bombs have the greatest impact on you because they ensure that your basic needs are met: the need for recognition, love, belonging, and also the need to feel unique in the partner's eyes.

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This always creates the illusion of the "ideal partner".

For you, your partner becomes the best person in the world, your perfect counterpart, the ‘one you have been waiting for all your life’.

This ‘image’ that you develop of your partner is not based on his true self ’, but on the sie masked self’ that they represent in front of you.

The narcissist ‘fabricates the positive assessments’ about himself in you, hoping to get them back in the form of praise.

The love bombs serve as a mirror of your deepest longings to be accepted and wanted and seen. This is exactly what the narcissist in your life offers you at the beginning of the romantic relationship.

As soon as the idealization phase is over, the devaluation phase begins immediately when you have returned the praise and it has been carried out.

The mass of positive experiences ’they have given you is what you get stuck with.

The narcissist's trap becomes even more unbearable when you are perplexed as to why this person, who showered you with the greatest love and affection, gave you time, went out of their way to make you feel special, praised you and complimented you who made you feel complete, suddenly turned into someone who criticizes, complains, blames and belittles you.

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Interim reinforcement from the abuser will keep you with the narcissist looking for the temporary crumbs of positive behavior they throw at your victim.

It's natural to desperately want your partner to return to the honeymoon phase of the relationship.

This is the exact point in time when you start to feel like the helm is running out of your hand.

The chances are that you will see your positive experiences in an amplified way compared to the sporadic neglect and poor treatment.

Your only option now is to sink even deeper, beg, negotiate, and lose your self-respect only to catch a glimpse of that "ideal partner" you once met.

No doubt all of your fervent requests will go unheeded. The narcissist will continue to treat you in an increasingly negligent manner or completely cut off contact with you after successfully breaking your self-confidence and distorting your self-image.

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Once the relationship is over, the grieving must take place. Healing the wounds caused by the narcissist will of course be difficult.

Not only for you, but it is also difficult for anyone to immediately erase the "good memories" and forget about the narcissist.

What you miss and what you long for is not the real person you lost, but the facade they put on, the stories they told, the feelings they made you go through. But that doesn't make your pain any less valid.

Often times, the breakup comes from you when all attempts to regain the narcissist fail.

The breakup happens too quickly and unexplained. This lack of a good deal can arouse curiosity and increase your feelings of longing for the narcissist.

The end of the relationship can feel like the end of the world and make you feel lonely, useless, devalued, and even wanting to give up your life.

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It's totally okay to feel like you want to give up. Remember, however, that you have another option not to let this relationship define you.

Give yourself the opportunity to experience that you are competent beyond an intimate bond, that you have value, that you have the chance to start a new life.

Similarly, just as the good memories of your partner make you return to thoughts about him or her, the moments of deep pain he or she caused can help you justify your need to reflect on yourself .

Think of all the poisonous words they spat at you, the moments when they disrespected you, isolated, betrayed, lied to, criticized you, and blamed you for things you never did.

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In time, you will be able to see the nights when you wished they would dry your tears but they didn't, moments when you wished they would hug you but didn't, moments when you realized that they were playing with your vulnerable feelings.

You are slowly witnessing how your negative experiences overshadow the positive ones.

If you cry today because he or she left you, remember that you will cry a little less tomorrow for the same reason.

All you need to know is that having good experiences with a narcissist should not be a justification for staying on the abusive cycle.

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