How open is an open relationship

13 things I learned from an open relationship

By Tamara Schempp and Jenny Zimmermann

“I still have to live it out”, this inflationary standard phrase of the Gen-Y puts a bitter end to many, especially young relationships. Sex with strangers as the epitome of the urge for freedom as an equivalent to everyday relationship routine. Partnerships fail because people have been together since puberty and want to “still experience something”. It's like eating together in a restaurant, you always want what you don't have. The grass, on the other hand, always seems to be a bit greener. Mariah Freya, sex coach and blogger, says there is another way. The solution: an open relationship. Isn't that just something for extroverted sex adventurers, or something for people who no longer love each other one hundred percent? Above all: Is such a relationship model really better and more fulfilling?

Mariah Freya is a full-time sex coach and has an open relationship herself. Many of her friends are also convinced that this alternative relationship concept can work. An open relationship lives from the bittersweet mixture of freedom and security. You have a steady partner, but you can still live out sexually freely. And that is allowed, even desired! Sounds like the dream relationship doesn't it?

"Openness doesn't mean that you do what you want"

The open relationship is hedonistic, based on the very selfish urge to become intimate not only with the partner but also with others. According to Mariah the first level and thus the basis of polyamory. A form of relationship in which you love not just one, but several people at the same time: "I think the open relationship is the first step to polyamory [...] polyamory is simply more blatant in level than an open relationship".

However, according to Mariah, following physical needs does not mean that everyone can do what they want regardless of the other: “Openness does not mean that you do what you want for selfish reasons. But that you research together, in the comfort in which everyone involved agrees ”. Signs of jealousy should be shared with your partner right away. Instead of putting your partner on a love diet, you have to talk honestly and openly about your feelings, allow them to happen. Often the problem lies with oneself, trust and transparency are therefore particularly important in order not to create a breeding ground for jealousy; Mariah tells us.

"The concept of monogamy is outdated"

A lifelong oath, celebrated by a wedding, followed by a house and children, is almost out of date these days, and is dismissed as stuffy. Is our oh-so-progressive Gen-Y, who juggles one-night stands, mingles, and friends with benefits, maybe not as tolerant as she is? The open relationship is still more of a taboo subject, an exception. Mariah therefore calls for an open discourse: “I think it's definitely an exciting topic in our generation today because the concept of monogamy is outdated. [...] It is no longer the focus of our younger generation. I believe that many are looking for new concepts that work for them. "

Mariah would only recommend this type of relationship to a limited extent to a relationship that lacks the infamous spark. If there is a lack of desire and attraction, such a concept can be interesting, but if there is a crisis for reasons of communication, an open relationship is not advisable. The foundation of every healthy, open relationship should be love, trust and honesty. Successful communication is the be-all and end-all. We have listed 13 possible insights from Mariah's personal experience that you can learn about your partner in an open relationship, but also about yourselves can learn.


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    You enjoy freedom

    An open relationship suggests a kind of feeling of freedom. Thanks to the ability to see other partners, you don't feel constricted or restricted. You don't do anything that is forbidden and you decide for yourself who to go to bed with, when and how often.