What Are Some Consequences Of Abusive Parents

Abuse and its Consequences : Families prefer to protect their reputation than the child - with devastating consequences

No one can avoid childhood. Inevitably, biographies begin with a period of total dependence on adults. The child is exposed to their actions and benevolence for better or for worse. The way they care for, nourish, live, whatever they want, feel, believe, speak, think, determines the child's early life as a necessarily colonized being. Childhood is the universal colony.

Sufficiently good parents and adults ensure through their relationship style and their role model that the child matures, masters conflicts and gains trust in themselves and others. Growing people are gradually released from the colony of childhood into independence, as self-reliant and autonomous as possible: prosper. Negative experiences such as abuse and mistreatment leave behind what trauma research and neurophysiology call “stress scars”: spoilage.

Freud described how formative childhood is

Sigmund Freud's Archeology of the Soul was the first to coherently describe how formative childhood is. But the myth persisted that children would “forget” bad things and that grass growing over them was a guarantee for the harmony of families.

Covering up is thereby ennobled as an act of protection against indigestible talking or “rummaging around in the past”, which “only destroys the family”. Pure rationalization. Because a family that carries out this kind of truth deportation has already been destroyed, or at least severely disturbed, and has often done so for generations.

Contrary to statistical evidence, the fact that over ninety percent of all sexual abuse of children is committed in families and in the immediate vicinity is taboo in society. Fathers and mothers are also involved, as are other relatives, step parents, foster parents or life partners.

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According to the World Health Organization, there are one or two affected children in every German school class, a total of around one million. So the phenomenon is endemic. And one million children means: There are several million adults who commit acts or know about them, disguise them, make them possible or do not want to admit them.

At the same time, the force of the taboo reveals that adults are aware of the dimension of injustice. You can guess the extent of the damage. Still, the emotionally mutilated family would rather protect their reputation than the child. It is sacrificed to the lie, even if it slips into addiction, ends up in psychiatry or simply shows failure to learn.

Sexual violence against children perpetuates the colonialism of childhood. Adults thus sabotage the process by which the growing should and want to come to themselves. Perpetrators erode trust; they regard children as serfs who they have at their disposal for purposes such as lust for power and greed for profit.

The cellar room, a labyrinth of drives

Most of the time they themselves experienced such dynamics. The twist is passed on from generation to generation until it pretends to be the norm in the internal family system and produces the most severe dysfunction, as is probably also the case in the Münster case, in which the mother of the alleged main culprit is said to be involved. Its elaborate server room in a basement can be read as an expression for a reified labyrinth of drives into which no idea of ​​a successful relationship can find its way.

Like an installation, the neon-lit, tidy room, in which 500 terabytes of data was managed, depicts the perverted logic of the series that violence had adopted here. This logic was demonstrated on the body of the reified children: "That's how it was. That's how it is. That's how it goes on."

At the same time, the alarm system and video surveillance at the gazebo, the torture chamber in the Münster area, report from the alarmed part of the perpetrator psyche, which is aware of the discrepancy between social norm and private norm. Activities took place in the arbor and coding was carried out in the computer cellar.

The darknet chat room has 1,800 members

Acting out power to compensate for the powerlessness suffered continues the cycle of violence, the causes of which never become language - so the acts themselves are already the first encoding. Perpetrators know that the suspension of conscience “only applies to us” and that sanctions are imminent. The most striking signal in the digital age is their immersion in the Darknet, where they also confirm to each other: "We are many". One of the pedo-criminal chat rooms in the Bergisch-Gladbach case alone had 1,800 members.

Deeds are committed thousands of times, material is traded millions of times and consumed in households of all milieus. Wherever this happens, a social, familiar atmosphere allows for concealment. The unimaginable is certainly imaginable, which is precisely why it is encrypted, not only on the Internet, but also in society, especially where it happens, in the social space of families.

Adults betray their coming of age

Public usage also provides encryption. The "child molester" disgraced the child, not himself, the "abuse" suggests that there is legitimate "use" of children, "child pornography" seems to be about lust instead of crime.

Adults betray their maturity with disgrace and silence - their mouth does not speak what is needed - and betrayal of the coming of age of the child who is entangled in the cartel of silence. Classic commands of silence are: "If you say something, you come to the home!" - "Be quiet, otherwise your father will have to go to prison!" That didn't happen. ”Other versions threaten:“ You are lying, if that were true, I would have to leave Papa. ”“ Something is wrong with you, you have a vivid imagination. ”“ You are destroying the family. ”

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Bribery is added: "Do me a favor, you are my greatest treasure." "In return you will get something nice." Often, siblings experience affected children as preferred: it is always about them. Isolation and privilege, manipulation and lying are weapons of the private silent mafia - which incidentally causes billions in follow-up costs, from the health service to the authorities to prisons.

Freud's therapeutic rhetoric recognized language as a remedy for the silent, the shameful and the taboo. Societies need language in the social in order to release the unspeakable from the unconscious into the conscious. As long as the powerful encryption apparatus rules, fear, feelings of guilt and taboos encapsulate sexual violence, shift it to others and split them off mentally. The French psychiatrist Caroline Eliacheff explains in her book “The child who wanted to be a cat” that those who remain silent make themselves complicit in the deeds.

Change social awareness

Social awareness has to change in youth welfare offices, family courts, kindergartens and schools, among paediatricians and therapists. Anyone who, as a child, learns from adults what adults are not allowed to do and what rights children have, finds himself under protection and can hope to end his childish colonial phase well.

So far, scandalous cases such as Staufen, Lügde, Bergisch Gladbach or Münster have each caused a stir for a while. Then the topic is practically swallowed up until the next case moves from the dark field into the bright field. Only what comes to light can be worked on emotionally, socially as well as by individuals.

Affected survivors have a right to decryption. You need truth about the deeds that are clearly addressed and identified as injustice so that anger, hatred, fear, disappointment and grief can be dealt with. The abandonment of the fatal culture of silence serves these children and all the others who have so far been so happy that they have not been victims and should never be.

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