Despise children of poor parents

From children of emotionally immature parents: a lost childhood

Last update: 08 July, 2017

Being the child of emotionally immature parents leaves deep marks. Even so deep traces that because of this parental incompetence, because of this fragile and neglected bond, many of these children have to grow up too early to finally take on adult responsibilitieswhich is why they lose their childhood.

“In childhood, you have no greater need than the feeling of being protected by your parents.”

Sigmund Freud

Nobody can choose their parents, we know that, and although there comes a time when we as adults can decide how we want to deal with our children, the reverse is not true. Because being born is almost like falling from heaven: Some are fortunate enough to fall into the arms of wonderful, loving, and competent parents who enable them to grow up surrounded by security, maturity, and dignity. On the other hand there are children who are unlucky enough to end up in the arms of immature parents, which inevitably shapes their personality.

Child psychology and family dynamics professionals know that there are two in the latter very noticeable but contradicting behaviors occur can:

  • On the one hand, clearly immature and incompetent parents can tyrannical and equally immature children draw in.
  • As mentioned above, however, it can also happen that these children take on the role of adults that the parents basically never played. This sometimes goes so far that the children the Take responsibility for their younger siblings, take care of the household or make decisions,that are not appropriate for their age. However, this does not lead to the child gaining self-esteem and a sense of responsibility, which we could understand as healthy. What is mainly achieved through this is that these children are losing their childhood.

We would like to invite you to think about it with us.

Emotionally immature parents and a lost childhood

Great mothers and fathers are there for their children, which makes it easier for them to build an enriching and strong bond, which is an important basis for the child to avoid breaking his heart and filling himself with fear and emptiness, and his self-esteem from not can develop.

What every child needs, apart from food and clothing, is this emotionally mature and secure accessibility, through which we feel connected to people in order to understand the world and ourselves at the same time. If this is not the case, the child's development collapses: his feelings and emotional needs are ignored and neglected by the emotionally immature father or this mother who only cares for herself.

On the other hand, it has to be said that this type of family dynamic is more complicated than it appears at first glance. So much so that we generally distinguish four types of emotionally immature fathers and mothers.

Parental immaturity

  • The first typology refers to those fathers and mothers with capricious and indifferent behavior. They are emotionally unstable parents who make promises today and break them tomorrow. Parents who are very present today and who will give their children the feeling tomorrow that they are a burden for them.
  • Impulsive parents are all those who act without thinking, make plans without considering the consequences.
  • Passive motherhood or fatherhood is undoubtedly one of the clearest examples of immaturity. This model describes all those who are not involved, physically present but mentally absent, and their upbringing according to the nature of the Laissez fair expires.
  • Last but not least, there are also the common parents who despise their children, make them feel that they are undesirable, who are of the opinion that education is too much for them and who do not want to be involved in it.

These four profiles chisel a shortened, injured and indifferent childhood in stone. Any child growing up in such an environment is sure to experience feelings of abandonment, loneliness, frustration, and anger.

Children who act like adults: wounds that need to heal

We mentioned it at the beginning: a child who grew up in the role of an adult is usually not more mature, stronger or happier than his peers. Giving a child of 8, 10 or even 15 years of age the sole responsibility to care for a younger brother or sister or to take decisions from the parents leaves deep marks in his soul and is often the source of inner emptiness.

"A rose gets its scent from its roots, and the adult draws its strength from childhood."

Austin O'Mally

The psychological consequences this can have are as varied as they are complex: emotional loneliness, self-challenge, inability to develop long-term relationships, guilt, emotional reluctance, suppressed anger, fear, irrational thoughts, etc.

Healing these wounds from immature parents and a lost childhood is not an easy task, but not impossible. In any case, it is first necessary to accept that this wound is there.Cognitive behavioral therapy is of great use here.

Later on, that moment of reconciliation with ourselves will come, when we allow ourselves to feel anger and frustration over a stolen childhood where we were left alone too early or forced to grow up quickly.

We lost childhood but life opens its gates for us, behind which a wonderful, free life hides full of possibilities to enable us to be the person we always wanted to be. We should strive for ourselves that the emotional immaturity of our parents does not prevent us from enjoying the happiness of the present and the future even though we could not find it in the past.

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