Has anyone ever completely sabotaged you?

How you can tell when someone is not doing you good

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Nobody can take care of ourselves better than ourselves. That sounds obvious, but it is not always easy in everyday life. Especially when dealing with other people. These have a major impact on our health. They build us up or pull us down. You donate energy or tap it for yourself. They support or sabotage us depending on which side they are on.

To distinguish the one from the other used to be very difficult for me. I often let myself be dazzled, was happy about the attention and encouragement - without paying attention to my gut feeling, which was already causing doubts the first time I met. When the relationship finally didn't work out, I believed it was my own fault. Not only once did I try to work on myself in order to still satisfy people. Not only once did this attempt bring me a lot of pain and great self-doubt, which continues to this day.

Even today I find it hard to see who is good for me and who doesn't. Lots of thoughts and motives obscure how I feel at a meeting really feel. Only when I listen to myself in a quiet moment do I notice how I feel in the company of a person: comfortable and energetic or rather uncomfortable.

However, there are a few behaviors that I no longer easily overlook. In my opinion, these are clear indications that someone is not doing me any good. That tells me either my own experience or that of friends. If you recognize these signs in your area, be cautiously warned.

By the way:It goes without saying that physical violence is a no go. But psychological violence is not as rare as you might think. However, it is less obvious, also because the injuries are invisible, e.g. B. when a person punishes, insults or bullies someone in front of others.

Psychological violence is a hostile attack on the mind, psyche, perception and being of the victim. The longer one is exposed to this violence, the greater the self-doubt: the messages and behavior of the perpetrator lead to those affected doubting their own perception and their own mind. Part of the strategy of the “partner” is to convince the victim that [he] deserves the cruelty, that it is up to [him]; that the relationship is in trouble [because of him] and it is therefore [his] sole responsibility that the partnership is more satisfactory and satisfactory for [the perpetrator]."(Source and more information here)

Mental violence basically includes anything that includes the following signs. Nevertheless, I would like to name and describe them individually.

1. They make you feel guilty

A family member used to regularly teach me how to function. If I did not obey, I felt it through violent remorse. I still often have these today - this pattern has burned itself into my head so deeply.

It wasn't until much later that I realized it never It is legitimate to make someone feel guilty and not feel guilty just because you haven't called for three days. And howling attacks are a form of blackmail. Such people like to use these to reinforce the guilty conscience of their victim. Weaknesses or illnesses are also good leverage if someone is susceptible to them. Then it said to me: "I have a headache, so it would be nice if you do this or that." Or "He mustn't get upset about his heart, so be nice now!"

2. They blame you for something that has nothing to do with you

Shedding responsibility is easier than admitting your mistakes. Therefore, many people look to others or you to blame, even though you have nothing to do with it.

For example, a friend recently told me about her ex-partner and how he cheated on her after many years of marriage. It was a bad number that got worse in my eyes since he was you who was to blame for everything. He wanted her to believe that you drove him into his affair!

3. They make fun of you

A person cannot do you any good if he is scornful towards you. Contempt (a so-called apocalyptic horseman when arguing) occurs in relationships among others. in the form of sarcasm, cynicism and ridicule. Typical contemptuous statements are, for example, "You can't even ..." or "At least I'm not ... like you". They show disrespect.

When the other person makes fun of you, your self-esteem automatically suffers. Therefore, you should be vigilant and recognize the contempt as such, even if it disguises itself as humor (“That was just fun!”).

I have a nasty onejoke have to participate. My partner at the time first announced the end of our relationship, only to say a few shock minutes later: “No, it was a joke!” I didn't find it quite as funny as he did.

4. They make you small

People who belittle others have probably never received praise themselves. Therefore, they can only make disparaging remarks. Their inner barrel of appreciation is so empty that they don't care for others.

As understandable and regrettable as this mechanism is, it is destructive for you and all other victims. This person cannot do you any good in the long run, because he reinforces your self-doubts. It is enough if you question your skills yourself. You're your toughest critic anyway. You don't need someone else to put you down all the time.

For me, making small is also when one person uses every chance to mess around with another person's mistake. They smile, but still humiliate you with slogans like: "Do you remember how you broke ... back then ?!" My supervisor made me aware of vain mistakes from a long time ago on my job and thought to myself: "As if that would help anyone now!"

Even after years, such people will smear your mistakes from back then on your bread. It may be disguised as a joke, but it is not uncommon for it to be pure seriousness.

5. They make you feel like something is wrong with you

Many highly sensitive people know this feeling from their own experience: Since they tick differently, they are often told or felt by others that something is wrong with them or that they have to fundamentally change in order to okay to be.

Whenever I hear "It's up to you" today, I am skeptical. I've kicked myself before thinking it was up to me. But not everyone is human just like that okay as it is. If you take a step back, the question arises anyway: What is right and wrong anyway?

You probably don't make anyone feel like they are somehow yourself not right. So it's not okay if someone tries to convince you that something is wrongnot correct be with you At most you are not compatible. That can happen, after all, we all work very differently.


We cannot change or raise our fellow human beings. But we can regulate the distance between them and us. We can seek the conversation when the person is ready to talk. However, we can also choose to minimize or break off contact.

Because taking good care of us means spending as much time as possible with the “right people” and staying away from those who are not good for us. As good as it can be.


Photo: Couple arguing from Shutterstock

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