What did you learn about teenage relationships

What happens in puberty? Expert on teenagers, locked room doors and good relationships with parents

In her book “Together through puberty”, author Inke Hummel (43) promotes a new look at puberty. In an interview, the attachment expert explains how parents should deal with locked room doors and what they learn from their teenagers.

Ms. Hummel, at home the doors sometimes slam when someone is looking at someone wrongly while they are eating. As parents, how do we stay calm in such situations?

Staying calm at all times, nobody can do that! But the most important thing is not to take things personally. Instead, whenever you manage to do it, you should see why this happened and what does my child mean by it. But of course, if a four-year-old calls us “stupid mom”, we can accept that better than if a 15-year-old who is 1.80 meters tall stands in front of us. It is then a big task not to fall into anger yourself and to remain facing the child.

In your book, you emphasize the importance of relating to the children. But if I only get grouched at, that does something to me too, then I'm hit too.

Some conflicts take time so that emotions can sort themselves out, so that we can find arguments and weigh them up.

Yes that's true. And yet it is our job to approach the child again and again. However, it doesn't always have to happen immediately. Of course, as a mother, I have to be able to collect myself first. Some conflicts need time so that emotions can sort themselves out, so that we can find arguments and weigh them up: Will we get closer to each other again today or will it perhaps take another night in which we sleep over it?