Why do guys assume I'm single
Male talk: What we appreciate about self-confident women
Do men find self-confident women attractive? Or does too much self-confidence deter you? Our narrator Alex tells what men find really attractive. He is 28, lives in Berlin and works as a project manager.
Last Thursday I met the boys for a beer, it's a little ritual of ours. Here we can talk freely from the liver: about the job, sport and of course the world of women. Simon always has a lot to contribute to the latter. He is active dating and always has a lot to talk about. Julian has been in a relationship for several years and is already thinking about family. Vincent is a real career guy and, with his rational nature, is our mediator. And me? I'm Alex, currently single, and I really needed advice from my guys this week. I wanted to know what they think of confident women and what makes a woman really attractive to her.
Confident Women - How Do They Really Affect Men?
The occasion: I went to my favorite bar last weekend, a good friend of mine works there behind the counter. After a short time I noticed that a woman on the other side of the bar kept glancing at me. After 20 minutes I finally gathered my courage and walked over to her. Your greeting: 'Well, that took a while!' I was a little puzzled, but had to laugh. I said: 'You could have come across in times of equality.' She laughed too, but explained to me that men often don't know what to do with overconfident women. 'The protective instinct doesn't start.' Because this opinion surprised me, I now wanted to know from the guys: Are self-confident women a turn-off?
Simon: “No, I don't think so - why should the man always get what he wants? We talk about emancipation and equality and that also means that both men and women can take the first step. "
Julian: "I feel the same way. Why should a man find that bad - on the contrary. I think it's very brave, also because in my days as single I often found it difficult to initiate a contact. For me it would make the woman interesting. She has the courage to approach someone and put your ego back a bit. I think that's totally positive. "
Vincent: “This is an outdated role model when men and women expect the man to take the first step. It is charming when it happens the other way around. That shows self-confidence - she is not worried about what others might think of her. "
Julian: "Exactly! And I've often seen that that's really true. Women usually know exactly what they want and what they can hope for at this moment. That is refreshing. "
Confidence makes you sexy
But I didn't want to give up that quickly. My new friend from the bar, Anna was her name, had well founded her thesis: Men would prefer silent mice and yes-sayers because they are less complicated in a relationship. In addition, it would not scratch the male ego. In short: self-confident women are quickly labeled as dominant by men. But here too the guys had some interesting comments.
Julian:“Personally, my character is more of a calm person. That's why I find women attractive who are a little louder than me, talk more and often form the focus of the group. "
Simon:“Of course there are also women who appear overconfident. That can be uncomfortable, she is right. The self-confidence must not seem artificial. "
Julian:"Well, women who know what they want and stand up to you - that may take some getting used to for you (laughs)."
Simon:"Haha very funny. No, basically I don't want to date someone who is an inconspicuous little mouse in my shadow. For me, self-confidence means expressing your own opinion. That radiates security. I don't feel comfortable with someone who just says yes and amen. "
Vincent:“Here, too, there is a problem with the understanding of roles. Certainly there are many people who still think that way, but that limits your own actions. I am enthusiastic about women who stand in life and have something to tell.“
Simon:"I agree. I find women who go ahead self-confidently and stand by their personality to be super exciting and somehow sexy.“
Self-confidence has many facets
We agreed: a healthy self-confidence in women is not only good, but a real plus. But what exactly is self-esteem? And how can women strengthen their own self-confidence? The guys had a few ideas and suggestions for this.
Julian:“When I imagine a confident woman, I think of my girlfriend. She is determined, structured and full of energy. And she doesn't pretend, I think that's particularly important. Nor does she ask herself for hours: "How do I appear to the outside world?" She just does her thing. "
Vincent: “I think a self-confident woman is smart, quick-witted, open-minded and smart. She is not afraid to question something critically, but she can also deal with criticism herself.“
Simon: "What if she questions you critically?"
Vincent:"Then that's how it is. In my eyes, a confident woman knows where she stands in life and what her values are. She also stands by these values, they are not dependent on external influencing factors. She knows what she wants and has goals. That's what I think men find really attractive. "
Julian:“I see absolutely the same. A confident woman defines herself by herself and by what she does. It is not based on the expectations of men. What I love about my girlfriend is that she is very independent. She doesn't align her daily routine with me, but organizes herself and makes clear announcements. Overall, she is a very independent woman. "
Simon:“For me personally, has self-confidence a lot to do with communication, not with a dominant appearance. I feel arrogant when dominated. Strength of opinion on the other hand I think it's good. You should just have fun talking to each other. "
Vincent:“How do you feel about feelings? Does that bite with self-confidence? "
Simon:“Being sensitive is generally not a bad quality. As a man, I just can't handle it that well sometimes. "
Julian:“Being sensitive is a completely normal and important part of every personality. This is even a driving force for creativity and it shows strength to show one's feelings and to communicate with others on this level. In this context I would also mention the ability to be empathetic. I don't think you can be confident if you are not empathetic and sensitive. Only when you understand yourself and others can you develop authentic self-confidence.“
No need to doubt yourself
Finally, I had one more question for the boys. Anna had also told me that women, unlike men, have more doubts about their own abilities. That too surprised me very much - my personal experience was that women often have a lot of skills that men lack. The boys saw it similarly.
Julian:“Women have no reason to question their performance. In my opinion, women are often more structured, thorough, determined, hardworking and often have more power. They're also less complacent. "
Simon:“Men are often told that they do less drama. I think that's only because they prefer to avoid conflict. Women are better in conflict situations because they want to discuss things and resolve conflicts immediately. My ex-girlfriend always told me immediately if something was bothering her. "
Julian:"Yes, communication is better, including how women exchange ideas with one another: It's okay to show weakness from time to time. One comforts one another and helps one another. With men it just says "Let's have a beer and it'll work again". And the next day it still doesn't work. "
Vincent:“When it comes to communication, women are clearly one step ahead. And women definitely have a higher level of empathy, they can better empathize with others. Of course, this plays a major role in personal exchange, e. B. at work. "
Simon:"Don't say that so loudly, otherwise we men will soon no longer have a chance in terms of careers (laughs)."
At my next meeting with Anna, I told her about our little discussion. She was pleasantly surprised that obviously many men are very into self-confident women and appreciate it when a woman is simply themselves. And I also noticed during our date how much I like Anna's direct manner. Without trying, she was the perfect example of an independent, strong woman. No question about it: a natural self-confidence is also very attractive to me.
Would you like to learn how you can boost your self-confidence by pushing yourself positively and developing yourself further? Then read our article "Express Yourself: Leaving the Comfort Zone" now and get ready to try new, exciting things!
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