Why doesn't my friend meet my family

Parents and ex-boyfriends

The first few weeks after breaking up were particularly tough for my family: “We always thought you'd get married!” My parents and siblings cried, they complained and they wrote him maudlin messenger messages. I know because he told me later. I didn't notice anything at the time because I was busy with my own lovesickness (and the new, exciting single life) and naively assumed that my family suffered less than me. But parents and siblings can also have lovesickness. You had built an emotional relationship with my boyfriend over the years. And they hated me for taking away their dearest family member.

After a short time, I had a new friend who, however, was not a sufficient replacement for my parents. This was shown, among other things, by the fact that they kept calling him by the name of my ex-boyfriend and, as soon as he left the room, started various attempts to convince me to go back to Alex. The new relationship did not last, and the same problems arose with the boyfriend afterwards. No wonder Alex’s successors could never really integrate into the family - my parents never got over him. That's why they called him regularly, made friends with his mother and said goodbye to him for a semester abroad.

My ex-boyfriend is my private past

Apparently they didn't even think that I might have a problem with that. It's actually not that difficult to understand: My ex-boyfriend is my private past. And whether I want to be confronted with this past or not, I want to decide for myself. But the moment I know that parents can still talk to him - and probably even about me, among other things, then I no longer have the choice whether I want to delete him from my life or not, then suddenly he is again present.

Long after the breakup and long after I found out that my parents and Alex still met sometimes, I also made another date with him. We happened to be living in the same town again. We got drunk, talked about our relationship, found that we were moving in completely opposite directions and we ended up in bed anyway. For me it was like a final graduation. Of course, I didn't tell my family anything about it. I didn't want to open old wounds or raise false hopes in them. Because I had noticed that they mentioned him far less often now. Apparently they too had finally made it to deal with him.

I have had a new boyfriend for a while. He is also the child of divorce. My siblings like him. And surprisingly, my parents remembered his name. When we visited my family recently, my mother asked him if he would like to go on summer vacation with me. Then she asked me if I would like to come too. I hope this time it lasts forever. Because my family might not survive another separation - and I never want to have lovesick parents again.

The author of this column would like to remain anonymous, after all, her parents are just fresh over the breakup.

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