Couples really practice discipline at home

The Ultimate Guide to Domestic Discipline and Improving Your Relationship

If something is missing from your current relationship / marriage, you can consider domestic discipline. In this relationship style, you and your husband both have defined roles which can improve your relationship and communication. Read on to see if DD might be the lifestyle for you.




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What is Domestic Discipline?

A domestic discipline relationship, also known as DD, is one in which the husband / husband has more authority over his wife / submissive. He creates rules to adhere to and can impose penalties for not following those rules in order to maintain a healthy relationship (what does a healthy relationship look like? Read this!) And functioning household and protecting the family. Typically (but not always) punishment takes the form of flogging, and flagellation is a common element in DD households.



Straight, monogamous couples are the ones most likely to lead a DD lifestyle, and these couples are often Christians who believe the Bible has described the ideal household similar to those achieved / desired in domestic discipline.

Domestic Discipline is often abbreviated to DD, and you will also see that it is abbreviated to CDD for Christian Domestic Discipline. Other terms are HOH or head of household (the dominant man) and TiH or taken in hand (the submissive woman).



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DD versus BDSM

Domestic practitioners are quick to point out that spanking, while erotic in nature, is not the focus of DD. In fact, most couples try to avoid spanking as it is a punishment and means that either the woman did something wrong or communication has broken down.



Similarly, people in domestic disciplines often show a difference between DD and BDSM. While the domestic discipline includes exchange of power, rules, and punishment (usually in the form of corporal punishment), BDSM is a much broader umbrella that covers a variety of adult activities - everything from light bondage (read more here) to 24/7 relationships, the contracts require. People who believe in DD are not allowed to engage in any other activities that fall under this umbrella, and they may even view other BDSM activities and relationships as sinful or wrong.

connected :: What is BDSM?

Other differences between BDSM and domestic discipline are who plays which roles. The dominant (HoH) is masculine in DD situations because it conforms to biblical principles in which the man was the head of the household and his wife and family were subject to him. It is up to him, as the king of his domain, to establish and enforce rules.



If you are particularly dominant, domestic discipline is probably not for you. However, we have plenty of ideas for women who want to dominate their men in this post.

Consent and domestic discipline

Similarly, however, these relationships are established by mutual agreement. Each partner agrees to play their role and adhere to the rules involved, as well as participating in activities such as flogging that involve domestic discipline. Just like with BDSM (and any sexual activity), consent is key. Without consent, these situations could be viewed as abusive, but consent is the line in the sand that shows the clear separation between abuse and domestic discipline.

Read :: 11 signs of emotional abuse



Because domestic disciplinary relationships require consent, one or both partners can withdraw it or renegotiate the terms of the domestic disciplinary relationship if it no longer works for them. This is one way in which the dominant / HoH has limited power; However, someone who is abusive would ignore this negotiation or consent withdrawal.

Domestic discipline adds structure

Proponents of domestic discipline point out how it creates structure. There are clear rules and equally clear penalties for deviating from these rules. Nothing is ambiguous and this can make communication easier. Knowing about the implications for failing to follow the rules can also help you maintain your best behavior.

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How do you maintain a system of control and balance when it comes to a relationship structure that some people see as ordained by God?

Some DD couples have craft rules or responsibilities for the Dominant / HoH, including how he runs his household. His power is not unlimited, and some DD partnerships have fewer rules than others, which further limits the man's authority. A couple can agree on the consequences for the husband if he fails to protect and provide for his family.

Another maintenance element is beating, which is not carried out as a punishment. It can confirm the power exchange again. A maintenance penalty typically occurs at a predetermined time (daily, weekly, bi-weekly, etc.).

Psst, does domestic discipline sound a little too structured? Instead, learn how to implement boundaries in your relationship.

Rules for domestic discipline

If you are interested in domestic discipline because you enjoy having your partner in control or your relationship could be more structured, you need to develop rules. They can be as many or as few as you like. Likewise, they can be specific or vague, but you can more easily follow certain rules.

Most of the rules in the DD lifestyle fall into the following categories.

  • Show respect
  • Be honest
  • Be healthy
  • To obey
  • Take care of your home / family / pets

Some people explain these rules further. So being honest could be, 'Be honest 100% of the time.' Or you define that instead of just being respectful, you need to be polite all the time. The more specific the rule, the more likely it is to be short-term.

Additional rules may include journaling or blogging at a set rate and allow your HoH to read these entries, respect any decision your husband may make, and keep up with hygiene / appearance in a way that he likes.

The HoH isn't the only one making rules, either. You can provide input if you think you need to add a rule.

Creation of a DD contract

If you want to add rules for your husband, think of those who add rules for you. So if you have to remain respectful, he has to act in a way that deserves respect, and so on and so forth. It is his responsibility to hold you accountable and stay calm.

For people with few rules or rules that are easy to remember, you might not need to write them down. However, a written domestic disciplinary agreement allows you and your husband to consent while serving as a reminder of your rule so that no misunderstandings arise. You can also negotiate rules more easily knowing what they are.

Read our post on BDSM contracts to get an idea of ​​where to start. Note, however, that the DD contracts are different. Check out Mischief's May Domestic Discipline Model Contract here. Simply submissive offers a shorter contract.

You will see that the sample contracts describe the consent, rules, punishment, spanking, and responsibilities of the head of household.

When rules are broken

We are all human and we all break the rules. What happens when rules are broken in a domestic disciplined lifestyle? Your husband must impose the sentence specified or agreed in your contract. / Corporal punishment is a common form of punishment and your contract may explicitly state how many beatings, what equipment will be used, and how the corporal punishment will be given. Your punishment could be more severe for a more serious violation.

Many DD couples are fans of over-the-knee or OTK spanking on a bare ass. However, you can agree that your husband can use a hairbrush, paddle, or other device. If you are new to spanking, you should start carefully to determine your tolerance. Even moderate flogging can have a lasting impact.

Find out more about erotic spanking here.

One thing that usually goes without saying is the idea that your man should be calm before he beats you up. This is what many parents believe in when dealing with children who have broken a rule. Anger can lead your husband to ignore the contract, hit them too hard, or impose a punishment that is not fair for the wrongdoing. Because of this, after your mistake / violation of rules, you may face flogging if your husband has had a chance to calm down.

Spanking can be quite shy and you might enjoy it, but it's also good to consider aftercare like a soothing balm or even time to cuddle. Read our post on aftercare to learn more.

Other forms of punishment

Some DD couples prefer other forms of punishment than caning / corporal punishment. This may include washing your mouth with soap, writing sentences / essays, corner time (sitting or kneeling in a corner like a break), bedroom time (break in another room), and removing ground / permission. You can agree that more serious problems require more severe punishments. Hence, it may be ideal to choose some punishments that work for you and your husband.

After the sentence is distributed, the problem is resolved. The head of household should be calm and genuinely forgiving.

Resources for Domestic Discipline

You may have gotten an idea of ​​what DD is from the Bad Girls Bible, however, there are some communities and blogs out there that can give you more information and connect you with other people who believe in this lifestyle.

In domestic discipline, punishment should be avoided. If your husband punishes you a lot, it is because you break the rules a lot. The rules may be unrealistic, or your husband may be on an electric journey.

There is a communication disorder or argument somewhere that is affecting your relationship and the fact that your husband had to beat you up is an indicator of it. You can opt to connect after being punished to avoid these issues in the future.

Ultimately, domestic discipline should help you maintain a happy and healthy relationship. Both partners should understand their roles and show love, care, and respect for the other. But this relationship style isn't for every couple, and that's fine.

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