Are all male gymnasts gay?

Three questions you should never ask a gay man

Once you've come out (in this column I already talked about the alleged obligation to come out), it doesn't take long before you get asked a lot of questions. Understandable, after all, for many non-gay people, gay life is like an exotic culture with countless puzzles and secrets. In addition to meaningful (and mostly understandable) questions, there are regularly really stupid questions that every gay man has to deal with sooner or later. I am happy to answer you one last time on behalf of all gay men ...

1. Have you at least tried it with women?

How we would most like to answer:

No, I've never dared to do it. The very thought of the female genitalia put me off so much during puberty that I inevitably became gay. But hey ... if I ever get really nasty drunk, I'll definitely try it out with my best friend. Maybe then I'll get straight again! Do you have any tips for me?

How we answer:

Some of us did it before as teenagers (like me) - others didn't. And the reason for the lack of sexual experience with women in the gay scene is ... please don't fall off the chair ... we are gay. That implies a lack of interest in the opposite sex. The most annoying thing about the question, however, is that it sounds like it's actually much better to sleep with women. Like: "Have you tried escargot at least once? They are really delicious". (By the way, I'm dealing here with the question of whether sex is really better among gay men)

2. Do you actually know [name]? He's also gay!

How we would most like to answer:

Yes, of course I know him. With an estimated 5-7% of the population in Germany who define themselves as homosexual, it goes without saying that I know everyone personally and of course more than half of them have already had a date or sex. And in the unlikely event that the person is a stranger to me, I am always happy to receive your offer for a blind date. After all, we have to be a perfect match, after all, he's from the other bank too. But speaking of ... do you know my colleague David? He's straight ... just like you! You have to get to know each other.

How we answer:

Of course, it is not so easy for us homosexuals to find suitable partners in a regular environment, because simply because of the percentage distribution, one generally assumes that the cute guy in front of you at the supermarket checkout is heterosexual. But don't worry, we have our own ways and means of getting to know men. And the basic need to couple the only two gay friends in your environment is meant nicely, but just because the sexual orientation is compatible doesn't mean that we will like each other. It's the same with straight people.

3. Which of you is actually the woman in the relationship?

How we would most like to answer:

Definitely my partner. He's the passive part of sex, that says it all. But in addition, he has many more characteristics that clearly prove that he is the woman in our relationship: He has a clichéd profession (hairdresser, florist or flight attendant), is much more interested in fashion and design, his wrist is 24 hours a day slightly bent during the day and he speaks very nasally. And isn't it obvious to you that I'm the man in the relationship? I know how to use a drill, behave very hetero-like and have never done the washing up.

How we answer:

A gay relationship consists of two men. Ergo: There is no woman there. And the really great thing about our life is that we don't have to define classic gender roles within a relationship. Everyone is the way they are. If someone happens to deviate from the stereotype "Hetero-Tarzan" and is not a Gold Card member of the nearest hardware store, then that does not give anyone the right to call them a "woman" in the relationship. Because: Even in heterosexual relationships, men do not always correspond to the cliché - and take parental leave, are the better cooks, have more care products in the bathroom than their partner and park like the last person.

What questions should I really ask a gay man?

The only honest answer:

Ask us the same questions you would ask your straight friends. If you still run out of ideas: "How are you and your partner?", "What is your secret recipe for a happy and sincere relationship?" and "How do we manage to teach charity and tolerance to our children and the coming generation?"

GQueer

Our author Paul Sattler is gay and lives in Munich. In his column “GQueer” he writes about life as a homosexual in a heteronormative world. All other parts of the column can be found here.Do you have questions, criticism or want to talk about your own experience? Write to our author at [email protected]

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