Why does math make me angry

ADHD: study and homework lead to arguments? Tips for parents

Our experts answer:

Falko Stolp, Headmaster: Take the pressure off, learn through play

© Falko Stolp The thing with screaming fits and slipping under the table has something to do with the "calm ADHD form". Regardless of how the child psychological test turns out, please take the "pressure off the boiler". Talk to the teachers about homework. Children of this age shouldn't actually do homework for more than 30 minutes. I would advise against additional practice units. Your child has scoyo! That is additive enough.

It is better to use leisure activities and the like in a clever way to learn "on the side". Combine that with exercise and play. (Tips: Learning with board games, experiencing and learning, creative learning methods for students) Perhaps the question of choosing a school after the 4th grade is already haunting the back of your mind. Away with it!

Susanne Egert, psychologist: 6 tips that are good for every child

© Susanne Egert

What the teacher probably means by the "calm form of ADHD" is ADD. First of all, I think it's good that you have a professional clarify whether your daughter really has ADD (that's the abbreviation for 'attention deficit disorder'). In contrast to ADHD, there is no hyperactivity here. This is why the disorder is often not recognized: a child who dreams away and looks out the window does not disturb his surroundings as much as a restless child who constantly walks through the class, wobbles the chair and talks non-stop.

If this is confirmed, it is important that you and your child receive enough information to become an expert on the disorder.

By the time you are clear, there are a number of things you can do that are not only good for children with AD / HD, but for everyone:

  1. Clarity and structure in everyday life: This includes a tidy, empty desk with only the most important materials and a few distracting stimuli, like a colorful writing pad. The walls around the workplace should not be plastered with posters. Closed cupboards are an advantage so that the child's gaze is not distracted by handicraft materials, toys and whatever is in the cupboard. Everything needs a fixed place. This helps the child to find his belongings again. →More: "I like to study here!" - set up the perfect learning space
  2. Schedule time: When the child starts homework, have them estimate how long it will take them to complete the first subject. Put an easy-to-read clock or egg timer in front of him so that he can see when the estimated time is up. Offer your child a reward if they can do their homework on the first subject during this period, e.g. B. a cup of chocolate and see point 3.
  3. Rewards: When the child starts doing homework and has finished the first part, give praise to the child. As a reward, your child can then swing for 10 minutes, jump on the trampoline or turn around very quickly on an office chair. Most children find this pleasant and at the same time it increases attention and has a mentally balancing effect (To do this, please read my article on dealing with tantrums.). Then continue in the same way with the next subject. Your child should do this even before homework. Give your child a lot of praise !!!
  4. The right order: If your child tires quickly, they should start with the more difficult subject, it takes time to 'warm up' and should start with the simplest subject.
  5. Ignore the screaming fit first: Behind the screaming fit there is almost certainly fear of failure, of doing something wrong or of not being able to do something. (Please read my article on Building Self-Awareness and my advice on another parenting issue.) Mistakes are good because we can learn from them! Do not pay attention to the screaming fit, do not keep talking to your child, rather mention what the child is allowed to do when their homework is finished. And how much fun it will be. (Meeting friends, playing with them ...) As soon as the child is calm, turn back to him and praise what he has already achieved.
  6. Getting to the bottom of emotions: However, it is quite possible that your child's distractibility has emotional reasons, e.g. worries, lovesickness, fears. From the outside, it often looks very similar to ADS, but it wasn't 'always like this', but only recently. Then you should talk to your child to find out what is bothering them and then make changes accordingly. More: Fear of going to school - what to do?

Béa Beste, educational entrepreneur: make yourself an ally!

© Béa BesteDiagnosen I leave ADHD experts, I am not. What you are describing sounds more like early puberty - especially screaming and sliding under the table. I know my way around.

There are two aspects to this:

1. Parents are the lousiest tutors for their children. Point. This is part of the intergenerational contract: "The greatest emotions will arise when parents and their children try to get their school performance in line." The child perceives this as a nuisance, the parents have to stock up on things that they once delegated ". More communication is necessary than is possible.

2. Children know what annoys parents the most. Your daughter knows from many years of experience how to drive you to white heat in the shortest possible time and she does it: Scream. Why? It's simple: Because homework is boring. Because she doesn't know why she has to do this uninteresting job. Because everything else is more exciting. Taking them to the extreme is exciting! "Jugend Forscht" department sends its regards - albeit subconsciously.

What to do? First soften the fronts, make yourself an ally: First try to agree with your daughter that homework is really stupid. Also leave out the "but". So not: "... but important for life ... anchors what you have learned ... blah!" Such statements help a 9-year-old as well as Erdogan to say that he should have more humor.

So we say: "Homework is stupid." But what is the alternative? Feel free to let the child develop the scenario of what happens if they are not done. The little one is not stupid - she will quickly figure out that it will be uncomfortable in class. And then it's about developing how to handle them with the least amount of effort in the shortest amount of time.

The goal is: to have as much time as possible for more exciting things that you can illustrate together with her: playing games, going to the cinema, making dough and eating it raw ... So, agree that it's all about being lazy and being smart and just getting the homework over with. Because life is more exciting. (By the way, I've already blogged about this: Rethink homework - "be lazy and smart"

Because - ADHD or not - it helps the children the most when they notice that they have humorous allies on their side, and no opposing brakes on fun.