Why do I like mean older men
Man jokes: the best 55 jokes about men (+ top 10)
We have put together 55 funny men's jokes in five categories for you, so that you and your friends can have a really hearty laugh again. It's funniest when some of the clichés apply to acquaintances, friends or relatives of yours. Because, as everyone knows, jokes are funniest when there is some truth in them.
Send man jokes on WhatsApp or tell your friends. We have short and long jokes for you, jokes about male clichés and ‘dirty jokes’. For quick, funny jokes, check out our top 10.
Men's jokes: the difference to men's jokes
Men's jokes: the difference to men's jokes
Man jokes are jokes about men. They deal with male clichés and make fun of ‘typically male’ behavior. They are sometimes confused with the so-called “Herrenwitz” or “Altherrenwitz”. However, men's jokes refer to jokes that are told between men and that often turn to crude topics. Because of the pictorial and obscene language, as well as the frivolous use, they resemble the Zote. In addition, they often resemble women's jokes, that is, jokes about women. For example, a more modern twist on jokes that are suitable for men are your mother jokes.
Subjects of man jokes
Basically, clichés, prejudices or just insults are among the main topics of men's jokes. In addition, women tend to do well with these types of jokes. Some of the jokes are harmless, some are mercilessly exaggerated, and some are more private. It is important to always keep an eye on the humorous intent of these jokes and not to set up blanket rules for every man or to spread ranting. Here are some of the male stereotypes you might find in the following jokes:
- Men never ask for directions.
- Men are unromantic.
- Men have a god complex.
- You can't trust men.
- Men never call home.
- Men are actually still children.
- Men would be lost without women.
- Men never help around the house.
55 men's jokes in 5 categories
55 men's jokes in 5 categories
We have compiled 55 men's jokes in five categories for you so that you and your friends can laugh heartily again. Some of these jokes fall more into the genre of short, flat jokes, others are longer and work towards a better prepared punchline. Send the jokes on WhatsApp or speak them as Voicemail.
First and foremost, your girlfriends will laugh at it, but some men also manage to laugh at their gender stereotypes. There is almost always a bit of truth in jokes. You will probably find the funniest jokes that address something you know in your community. Perhaps some of the jokes even apply to a buddy, boyfriend, husband, father, or grandpa. If you have been hurt by a man as a woman, it can also be good to read through some man's jokes. After all, laughter is healthy and helps deal with negative feelings.
Top 10 men's jokes
Here you can find our ten best man jokes at a glance. This saves you a long search and can send or memorize a few funny jokes about men. When putting them together, we made sure that the jokes are quite harmless and that you can safely tell them to friends and relatives. If you're looking for more funny jokes, try our laughable jokes.
- What is the difference between a yogurt and a man? - The yogurt has culture.
- What do clouds and men have in common? - If they go away, it can still be a nice day.
- If a man says, "I'll fix this!" Then it will be done too!
There's no need to remind him every two years!
- When his papa comes home from work, Fritzchen whispers to him: "Papa, if you give me ten euros, I'll tell you what the postman always says to mom in the morning." Father pricks up his ears and gives him the money. Fritzchen says: "Good morning, Ms. Maier, I have mail for you."
- What is the difference between men and cheese? - Cheese ripens.
- What is the difference between men and pigs - Pigs don't turn into men when they're drunk.
- How is a man different from a pc? - You only have to tell the PC everything once.
- What do you call a man who has lost 90% of his intelligence? - widower.
- How many men does it take to change an empty roll of toilet paper? - Nobody knows. It has never happened before.
- We broke up for religious reasons. My husband thought he was god.
Jokes about stereotypes of men
Jokes about stereotypes of men
Jokes are often made about gender stereotypes. Women cannot park and men never ask for directions. Women turn a mosquito into an elephant and men never listen. There are numerous clichés that are suitable for jokes and that the opposite sex likes to amuse themselves. Of course, not all clichés apply to everyone. But we find it funny when we know someone to whom some of these characteristics apply - no matter how weak they are. The following jokes about male clichés are exaggerated and generalized. Certainly there is a joke that picks up on a cliché that sounds familiar to you from your environment or with which you can identify.
- Why did Moses stay in the wilderness forty years? Because he didn't ask for directions.
- Why is psychoanalysis faster in men than in women?
When it comes to going back to childhood, most men are already there!
- When a man comes into the library: "I would like the book 'The Superiority of Man'."
Answer: "You will find fantasy and utopia on the first floor!"
- "If you want to understand a man, you have to think like a man."
"That's very good to start with!"
- What do you call a handsome, intelligent and sensitive man? A rumor.
- There are perfect men in every corner! Said God and made the world round.
- Smartphones do what generations of women have failed to do: men sit down while peeing.
- What is the difference between an intelligent man and a yeti? - The yeti has been seen before.
- How do men sort their laundry? In two stacks: "Dirty" and "Dirty but portable".
- When a man opens the car door for his wife, either the car is new or the wife.
- What do you call it when two men sit across from each other and throw a straw ball back and forth? - Exchange of ideas!
- What is the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. called home.
- What does a man understand by a seven-course meal? A hot dog and a six pack of beer.
- When is the only time a man thinks of a candlelit dinner? When the power fails.
- Watches are for Luschen!
Real men are guided by the position of the sun, the seasons and ... .. when mom calls: food is ready.
- One friend to the other: "I won't be able to take it any longer, my wife has been nagging me for six months now!"
"Why?" - "She really wants me to put away the Christmas tree!"
- How does a man show that he has plans for the future? - He's buying two cases of beer.
- What does a man mean by doing housework? Raise his leg so the woman can vacuum.
- Men don't get lost ... they circle their target!
- What is the difference between a man and a cat? One is a glutton who doesn't care who feeds him. The other is a pet.
Long man jokes
Long man jokes
Long jokes usually benefit from a surprising punchline. The longer the joke, the more tension can be built up. They are like a short story with a surprising ending. Long jokes are not really suitable for memorizing. If you want to present it to someone, you should write it down, record it as a voicemail or simply send it to WhatsApp.
- Once upon a time there was a married couple who had been married for 25 years and were just celebrating their silver wedding anniversary. Suddenly a fairy appeared and announced that she and her husband each had a wish. The woman did not wish to be able to travel around the world more than once. The fairy waved her wand and ... the travel tickets appeared out of nowhere.
Then it was the husband's turn. He thought for a moment and asked: "Can I wish anything?".
The fairy confirmed: "Everything." "Ok," he says, "I would like a woman 30 years younger than me."
The fairy made a circle with her wand and suddenly he was 90 years old ...
- On the way to work a frog jumps towards a programmer. "I'm an enchanted princess, kiss me."
The frog is put in the jacket pocket. During the lunch break it croaks again. "Please, please, kiss me, I'm an enchanted princess."
The programmer shows no reaction.
When he is demonstrating the frog in the pub that evening, the programmer is asked why he didn't hear the pleading frog?
Answer: "I don't have time for a friend, but I think a talking frog is cool ..."
- A lawyer sat across from a blonde on the plane, bored and asked if she would like to play a funny game with him. But she was tired and wanted to sleep.
The lawyer did not give up and explained that the game was not only fun but also easy: "I ask a question and if you don't know the answer, you pay me 5 euros and vice versa". The blonde refused and put the seat back to sleep. But the man persisted and suggested: "O.K. - if you don't know the answer, you pay 5 euros, but if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you 500 euros!"
Now the blonde agreed, and the lawyer asked the first question: "What is the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde reached into her pocket and wordlessly handed over EUR 5. "Thank you," he said, "now it's your turn." She asked, "What goes up the mountain with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The lawyer was confused, plugged his laptop connection into the on-board phone, sent emails to his employees, asked the state library and all search engines on the Internet, but to no avail, no answer. After an hour he gave up, woke the blonde and gave her 500 euros. "Thank you," she said and wanted to go back to sleep. The frustrated man, however, asked, "All right, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the blonde reached into his pocket and gave him 5 euros ...
- Karl was a bachelor who still lived with his father and worked in the family business. One day he found out that he would inherit a fortune if his already ailing father died and he decided to look for a wife with whom he could share his happiness in life. One night at an investment meeting, he saw the prettiest woman he'd ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. “I may just look like an ordinary man,” he said to her, “but in a few years my father will die and I will inherit 65 million euros!” Very impressed, the woman accepted his business card and three days later she was his stepmother. And the moral of the story: women are far better than men when it comes to financial planning!
- Barack and Michelle Obama were at a party, talking to a dealership owner. When the two were back at the White House, it turned out that Michelle had previously been in a relationship with this dealership owner. Barack Obama then said: I'm sure you are very happy that you married me, otherwise you would be the wife of a car dealership today and not the wife of the President of the United States. Michelle replies: Yes! If I had stayed with him, he would be President of the United States today.
- The first asks God for strength to cross a river. Pfffft ... and he has long arms and strong legs. The crossing is difficult.
The second asks God for the tools necessary to cross the river. Pffft ... and he has a vat. The crossing is extremely difficult.
The third asks God for the necessary intelligence. Pffft ... and he turns into a woman. She takes a look at the map, walks a little up the river and crosses the bridge there.
- A woman comes into a bar and orders a martini.
After she has drunk it, she looks into her handbag and orders another martini.
After she has drunk it, she looks in her purse again and orders another martini.
After repeating this a few times, the bartender becomes curious and asks why she looks in her purse after every martini.
"I have a picture of my husband in there and when he starts to look good I'll go home ..."
- Food takes 7 seconds to get from the mouth to the stomach.
The thigh bone is as hard as concrete.
The length of the male member is three times as long as the thumb.
A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
We use 300 muscles just to keep our balance while standing
(The woman has read the whole text ... the man is still staring at his thumb!)
- A group of women and men take the train to a conference. Every man has a ticket, the women only bought one.
As the conductress approaches, the women jump up and force themselves into the toilet. When the conductress knocks, they slip the card under the door. The inspector leaves with satisfaction.
On the way back, the men decide to use the same trick - one card for everyone. Only the women have no card at all this time.
When the conductor approaches, the men lock themselves in the toilet. The women make their way to the toilet a little more leisurely. In passing, the last one knocks on the men's door: "The ticket, please!"
The moral of the story:
Men like to use women's methods - but they don't really understand them!
- Sally was driving home from a business trip in Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo Indian woman walking by the side of the road. Since her trip was long and calm anyway and the woman looked tired, she asked the woman if she would like to go a part of the ride. With a word or two of thanks, she got in.
After continuing the journey and talking a bit about the trivial, the Indian woman noticed something in the back seat that was wrapped in a paper bag. "What's in the little bag?" asked the old Indian woman. Sally looked at the bag and said: "It's a bottle of good wine - I got it for my husband."
The Navajo woman was quiet for a little while, then spoke with the quiet wisdom of an experienced person:
Short man jokes
Short man jokes
This category is particularly suitable for quickly sending it to WhatsApp, Facebook and Co. or for quickly learning it by heart. Be aware that not everyone shares the same humor as you and may not respond to your jokes with only positive feedback. So it's best to send the man's jokes to someone who has a similar sense of humor to yours and who you can be sure they won't get your jokes wrong. If you can't find what you are looking for in this category, we have more short jokes and funny sayings for you here.
- What was the first man on the moon? A good start.
- Do you have something against men? - Unfortunately, nothing effective.
- What does a woman do when a man zigzags through her garden? - Keep shooting.
- Why does a wall collapse when a man leans on it? - The wiser gives in.
- "Tell me, Jürgen, did you propose to Sonja?"
“Yes, but I have to wait a little longer. She said I was the last one she would marry! "
- He comes home drunk and puts an armchair in the bedroom. You: "What's that supposed to be?"
He: "If the theater starts here right away, I want to at least sit in the front row."
- One friend to the other: “I often wonder how men were able to discover entire continents. Mine can't even find the butter in the fridge! "
- The husband hid under the bed in the face of his wife's anger.
"You're coming out of there right now," she threatens. "I count to three: one, two ..."
He: "Damn it - who is the master of the house here? I'm staying down here, understand ?!"
- A man stands up to his waist in sea water and calls to his wife: "Look how the waves kiss me!" His wife: "And look how they break shortly afterwards ...!"
- What does the male brain and prisons have in common? - Not enough cells!
Dirty man jokes
Dirty jokes are synonymous with kinky jokes. Some people imagine their natural surroundings as follows: A group of old men in which alcohol flows, cigar smoke fills the room and people laugh out loud at women or marriage jokes. But there are also numerous dirty male jokes that are intended for the amusement of women. They do not appeal to everyone's humor, but if you can laugh at piquant topics and bed stories, you will find it here. We have put together some of the dirty man jokes for you here.
- What must a woman undress first to get her husband into bed? The plug of the television.
- A small gray cell happens to come into a man's brain. Everything is dark, empty and without life. "Huhuuu", calls out the cell. No Answer. She calls out a second time: "Huhuuu, is there nobody here?" Again everything stays calm. Suddenly another gray cell appears and asks: "Hey, what are you doing up here? Come on, we're all downstairs."
- A woman comes back from the supermarket and walks through the park with her bags heavily laden. An exhibitionist jumps out of the bushes and tears off his coat in front of her. She says: "Shit, now I forgot about the shrimp"!
- A man says to his wife: "I bet you can't say a sentence that makes me happy and sad at the same time!"
The woman replied like a shot from a pistol: "Honey, you have the biggest one in the whole neighborhood!"
- God says to Adam, "I have good news and bad news for you. Which one do you want to hear first?" "The good one," says Adam. "So," says God, "you get both a brain and a penis ..." "And what's the bad one?" Asks Adam. God: "Unfortunately you can't use both at once."
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