What screams You have no table manners

Why we forego table manners

A blog parade is currently running at liebeSonnenshyn.de under the title “Do children have to learn table manners” - when I saw the raven mother's contribution, I thought I had to take part right away - because I see this topic quite differently from her.


Yes, in fact, I'm the one who likes to eat pizza, lasgane or something from the day before for breakfast. Why? Because its delicious. And because it has to be eaten so that it doesn't end up in the trash.

Of course, I could also have it for lunch, but since I usually have to cook again anyway, because it's not enough for all of us, it just happens when someone feels like it. Everyone in our family has this right to determine who eats what and when. Only the dog doesn't * cough *

But our children can decide whether they want to eat biscuits, muesli, bread, pasta or anything else for breakfast. Even before the 'actual' lunch, my children are allowed to eat ice cream or something else. All of the food we have at home is for one reason: to be eaten. To fill us up. To keep us alive in the end. And because we like it.

So the food and I don't really care what time it is.

Of course, there may always be foods that seem 'healthier' at a certain time of the day - but I think that for a normally built, healthy person with sufficient exercise, it doesn't really matter what when they eat.

Do my children have to eat with cutlery?

Nope. My children are now three and almost two years old and they will certainly eat with cutlery for their entire lives.
I always give them a fork / spoon and knife, but I don't care whether they use it or not. They eat in such a way that something ends up in their stomachs - and when the peas keep falling off their fork, it works much better with their fingers.

It is also not important to me that they eat “properly” - that is, without spilling - because honestly, what else do we ask of our children ?! We are unkindly warned that we treat our children like 'little adults' - but what about the children who have perfect table manners at the age of 2.5? It is precisely they who are supposed to behave like little adults.

By the way, people learn to eat much more 'cleanly' with their hands - this can be seen in Africa and India, where it is quite normal to eat with their hands (there are certainly regions there where people eat with cutlery or other aids becomes.).

Fixed meals

I think solid meals only make sense for people with an eating disorder.

With all other people - but especially with babies and children - I find it much better if people pay attention to their feeling of hunger and eat at the times when they feel hungry.

I am very happy that it is slowly but surely recognized when breastfeeding and feeding by bottle that feeding on demand benefits the development of the baby. Because a baby is not hungry every 3-4 hours punctually (yes, there are certainly exceptions here, too, but the rhythm or the feeling of hunger will change over time), but at very different times. Likewise, clusters of breastfeeding babies, which means that you can't quite say whether they're hungry or order milk for the next day - but here again: clustering is incredibly important, so don't think “Oh, you're definitely not hungry”, but invest ! This is the only way to satisfy the 'real' hunger for the next breastfeeding meal.

Now the child is no longer a baby, but a toddler. Perhaps breastfeed several times a day (or given a bottle) and the rest of the day the child eats solid food. Most people teach the child a rhythm straight away: muesli at 8 a.m., hot food at 12 p.m., bread at 6 p.m. in the evening. In between (also at fixed times) fruit / vegetables.

What if it is not hungry at a certain time? Unlucky - then it just has to wait until the next (snack) meal. The child learns to ignore his feeling of hunger - and that's what I don't want for my children (and myself personally)!

They should recognize their needs very precisely and not listen to a clock that says when it is time to satisfy the need.

Eat together and get up even though they are still eating

Since we mostly all eat when we are hungry, we often do not eat together. To be honest, it doesn't bother me that much because we are together all day and I therefore don't see that we all have to sit together at the table - as you do, as a family.

Nor do my children have to eat at the table; we often make ourselves comfortable on the couch and eat there. Or even in bed. Right where we're just getting hungry.

You can also walk around the apartment with food in hand - well, there are exceptions here, because I don't want to have to clean the entire apartment because yogurt or something else has accidentally been spilled or smeared somewhere for decoration purposes. This is my personal (disgust) limit, but my heart people accept that very well.

How is it with you guys? Do you have clear rules and are your children (and you too) allowed to eat what is there and when they are hungry? Write it to me in the comments! 🙂

Your Lisa

P.S .: Before excessive comments come that my children behave like Neanderthals on the hunt in the full restaurant: no. They are actually very good at handling cutlery and actually 'behave' like normal people when eating. If you still want to eat with your fingers in the restaurant, I always have wet wipes with me to clean the table, hands and face - but I think this should be available for small children anyway. 🙂