How much sex counts in a relationship

How much sex does your relationship need?

As a man, you think about sex every 30 seconds and maybe you belong to the 30% of men who would like to have more sex.

It's weird. Hardly any other topic is talked about as often and as much as sex and yet there are so many misunderstandings.

Why is that?

Maybe because we're talking about sex to the wrong people ...

One question: who do you talk to about sex? With your partner or rather with your best friend?

And what are you discussing?

Are you exchanging tips and advice? Or is it a lot more about how often you have sex?

Sex is one of the top debates among couples. And that's not all. It's also a common reason relationships and marriages break down.

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The issue and topic of conversation is often the quantity. If that's such a hot topic, let's see how often sex should take place.

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How often you have sex is not at all decisive for a fulfilling sex life

If you ask most people what a fulfilling sex life looks like, most will talk about the frequency. This is a very subjective and often wrong picture.

Studies have found that how often you have sex doesn't really matter.

Once a week, that's the magic limit. Anything below that leads to frustration. Anything about it doesn't make you happier with your sex life either.

Much more important than the quantity is the quality. Because much bad sex doesn't make you happy either.

What is good sex?

While we're talking about misunderstandings, let's get to another major misunderstanding when it comes to sex. Namely, what constitutes good sex.

I believe it is beyond dispute that good sex for men and women is tied to different aspects. But what makes good sex for a woman and what for a man?

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How good sex must be for a woman

In order for sex to be good for women (I researched it thoroughly because I'm not a woman - additions are always welcome ...), a lot of feeling has to go into it. Women want to be seduced. This also includes devotional foreplay. Women love it when they melt into their partner. Deep looks are exchanged and the lovemaking increases ecstatically. It has to be emotionally intensive on a physical as well as an emotional level.

How good sex must be for a man

And here are some surprises. Probably not for you as a man, but rather for the reading women who are now expecting details about positions.

But the latest studies (and our own experiences) say that it turns us men on most when women really enjoy it.

Am I just hearing some prejudices being broken by the selfish man?

Well, it probably still has something to do with our ego that it makes us excited to see that what we are doing is well received. But we can also quite easily have the scepter taken from our hands. Because another thing that makes good sex for us men is when the woman takes command and sets the pace.

But what if I want more often than her?

We have now clarified that the amount is not an aspect of a fulfilling sex life and what makes good sex for you and your partner.

But what can you do if you still have different needs in terms of frequency?

First of all, you can rest assured that you are not alone in this. There is even a name for it: Sexout.

The reason is often the overload at work or in the household. When children enter into a relationship it often happens that at least one of you completely loses interest.

More equality for more sex in marriage

Research has shown that inequality in a relationship leads to listlessness. There is hardly any other way of seeing that couples who have the most frequent and best sex share housework and child-rearing equally.

In the study, this is explained in such a way that men and women can better empathize with each other's roles because both know and understand each other's life exactly.

The difference that you should know

There is a small but subtle difference between men and women when it comes to sex. While we can switch off great during sex and clear our heads through sex, it is completely the other way around with women. You need to be relaxed and have a clear mind to get in the mood for sex.

Therefore, after a stressful day, your wife may feel less inclined than you.

What you can do

This knowledge helps you to better understand your wife's situation and to empathize with your situation. If you feel that she is tense or stressed, don't make advances directly to her. Instead, do something that will get you thinking about things differently. Have a lively conversation. Give her the opportunity to unload the stress of your day with you and thereby relax.

Then the probability increases that she will also get pleasure.

Fixed dates also help so that your sex life does not suffer from a stressful family life. It has also proven to be a tried and tested means for a fulfilling sex life to set fixed dates for sex during the week. Clear, romantic and spontaneous is different. But planned sex is still better than no sex at all.

And now?

Whether your sex life is good or bad does not depend on the frequency. Once a week is a good goal for most couples.

Talk openly about what you like about sex and make sure that the quality is right.

But if your wife doesn't feel like it, don't play the insulted liver sausage, but understand what's behind it. Is she stressed, does she have other worries or worries? Understanding that women need to be relaxed in order to feel like having sex gives you a different perspective on how your woman feels. Help her to relax or simply take off from having sex once a week and choose a fixed date.

Do you know someone for whom too little sex is a real problem in a relationship? Then share this article with him.

Categories Being a dadTags Leading a happy marriage